To read Zachary Palmer's feature on Bowery Electric Mondays, visit thelmagazine.com
1. is available for hireabout 4 hours ago from txt
2. wants to be your roommate on November 1about 9 hours ago from txt
3. is working 9pm to 5am, is the Dolly Parton of barbacks8:13 PM Sep 26th from txt
4. is barbacking at Don Hill's from 4:30pm to 5am4:26 PM Sep 25th from txt
5. was photographed by Claudia Hehr for StyledOn.com http://bit.ly/2nTAVg3:20 PM Sep 23rd from web
6. is sweeping the sidewalk on Spring Street1:16 AM Sep 23rd from txt
7. has his head in an ice machine, is the Sylvia Plath of barback poets9:42 PM Sep 22nd from txt
8. is on the fourth floor of the Mid-Manhattan Library6:43 PM Sep 21st from txt
9. was photographed http://bit.ly/3CDJ9S11:04 PM Sep 20th from web
10. was--in 2005--the assistant of the executive producer of the 61st Annual Theatre World Awards and 17th Annual Lambda Literary Awards #Emmys10:22 PM Sep 20th from web
11. was photographed http://tinyurl.com/pz9gzp and written about http://tinyurl.com/llpgza2:39 PM Sep 18th from web
12. has been awake for 24 hours (with the exception of a few moments on the train home and before the show at BoConcept)12:04 AM Sep 18th from txt
13. is working on a demo version of an a cappella feminist gangsta rap song that samples Take the A Train and The Message11:32 AM Sep 17th from txt
14. beat the system12:04 PM Sep 16th from txt
15. is at day three of jury duty, wearing a suit and cowboy boots10:44 AM Sep 16th from txt
16. is more metal than anyone else in New York City: http://bit.ly/2TDZTJ7:49 PM Sep 15th from txt
17. is at his second day of jury duty1:49 PM Sep 15th from txt
18. is at jury duty8:46 AM Sep 14th from txt
19. is celebrating his fifth anniversary with New York City4:06 AM Sep 12th from txt
20. is going to become a diplomat, take pictures of world leaders and start a blog called The Czartorialist7:17 PM Sep 11th from txt
21. will, in solidarity with his model and fashion industry friends, eat only lettuce and Aspirin for the duration of New York Fashion Week1:28 PM Sep 10th from txt
22. took--in the last week--a car to the airport, plane to New Jersey, bus to Manhattan, train to Inwood and is now on the Staten Island Ferry7:22 PM Sep 4th from txt
23. visited a set and ended up a featured extra, went to Central Casting today; is the Marlon Brando of editing turned J.D. Salinger of acting8:44 PM Sep 3rd from txt
24. is in New York9:47 PM Aug 30th from txt
25. is in New Jersey7:53 PM Aug 30th from txt
26. is in Kentucky4:41 PM Aug 30th from txt
27. is eating cheesecake on a stick8:32 PM Aug 28th from txt
28. is in Ohio, was in Kentucky yesterday, just ate a mushroom from a styrofoam cup of escargot while walking to see Three Dog Night8:07 PM Aug 28th from txt
29. is in Love(land, Ohio)12:21 AM Aug 25th from txt
30. is on Mackinac Island, spending the weekend at the Grand Hotel2:28 PM Aug 20th from txt
31. is in Michigan3:00 PM Aug 19th from txt
32. is in Ohio10:51 AM Aug 19th from txt
33. is in Kentucky10:02 AM Aug 19th from txt
34. is in New Jersey7:38 AM Aug 19th from txt
35. is in New York5:03 AM Aug 19th from txt
36. is celebrating his Half-Birthday6:54 PM Aug 8th from web
37. drew some pictures: http://bit.ly/pInKP6:24 AM Jul 22nd from web
38. signed up for Trendsta, http://www.trendsta.com/tfa...4:55 PM Jul 13th from web
39. has 25,000 unread emails5:06 PM Jul 9th from txt
40. just got tricked into a pedicure on the UES4:23 PM Jul 6th from txt
41. just shook hands with Randy Jones (the cowboy from the Village People) in the bathroom of Don Hill's11:30 PM Jul 1st from txt
42. is 100,000 days sober3:53 PM Jun 26th from txt
43. is shooting for coatsfromtheunderground.blogspot.com9:15 PM Jun 23rd from txt
44. wants to drive across America, hitchhike across America, raft down the Mississippi River3:28 PM Jun 17th from txt
45. won the Uptown 1 train chin-up/pull-up challenge3:57 PM Jun 15th from txt
46. earned his BA in English Creative Writing (with a focus on poetry) five years ago today4:12 PM Jun 12th from txt
47. has 22,000 unread emails4:18 PM Jun 4th from txt
48. is the Upper Manhattan brand representative for Hayes2:04 PM Jun 2nd from web
49. is on the train to Stamford, CT10:37 AM May 27th from txt
50. had an interaction with Paul Simon last night2:04 AM May 10th from txt
51. is at a NORML event7:57 PM May 7th from txt
52. is eating dinner on the Upper West Side10:23 PM May 2nd from txt
53. is barbacking at Don Hill's9:05 PM Apr 28th from txt
54. is barefoot in the park3:53 PM Apr 27th from txt
55. is leaving the house (and not for work, to play sports, to dance) wearing shorts for the first time since 20014:24 PM Apr 26th from txt
56. is skateboarding uptown, listening to ...And Justice for All2:25 PM Apr 23rd from txt
57. wants to work for you. visualcv.com/zacharydavidpalmer4:34 PM Apr 20th from web
58. wants you to hire him. visualcv.com/zacharydavidpalmer2:10 PM Apr 7th from txt
59. is reading this stellar article by Laura Kusnyer about vintage stores in New York City: http://tinyurl.com/dyz3sr4:12 PM Mar 20th from web
60. is partying with the Hells Angels2:48 PM Mar 15th from txt
61. One Hundred Seventy-Three http://tinyurl.com/cvut2a3:25 PM Mar 11th from web
62. is celebrating his birthday tonight at Happy Ending, will see you there!2:44 PM Mar 10th from txt
63. One Hundred Seventy-Two http://tinyurl.com/blhut61:04 PM Mar 10th from web
64. is back in the New York groove12:38 PM Mar 4th from txt
65. is joy riding over the Midwest, riding shotgun in the cockpit alongside one of his best friends and his only personal pilot5:53 PM Feb 26th from txt
66. @Britt4ChiChi212 I applied in 2007 to be his personal assistant, met his mother.10:21 PM Feb 25th from txt
67. has 21,000 unread emails12:51 PM Feb 25th from txt
68. joined Sayntly2:22 PM Feb 20th from txt
69. @rachelsklar What did the leper say to the prostitute? "Keep the tip."1:15 PM Feb 20th from txt
70. is in Kentucky, will see you back in New York1:48 PM Feb 18th from txt
71. is in Wyoming, will return to New York in the beginning of March2:02 PM Feb 17th from txt
72. just saw the Date these New Yorkers feature at timeout.com, went to hs and a Homecoming with one girl & used to go dancing in NYC w/ another1:25 AM Feb 12th from txt
73. @tastenyc That place is great fun, I once spent an afternoon there!9:13 PM Feb 10th from txt
74. just wants to work. Is anyone in New York hiring? http://www.visualcv.com/zac...2:43 PM Feb 10th from txt
75. @antwanduncan Thank you, sir!9:01 PM Feb 8th from txt
76. @katieshand Thank you!8:09 PM Feb 8th from txt
77. was born 02/08/82 at 8:20am. Call him and sing.6:33 AM Feb 8th from txt
78. @BabyKittyBitch What about Natalia Paruz (the woman who plays the musical saw)?5:20 PM Feb 7th from txt
79. @tara So much for what Woody Allen said about Los Angeles' cultural advantage9:37 PM Feb 4th from txt
80. is looking for a new position, has 4 years of New York publishing experience. visualcv.com/zacharydavidpalmer9:16 PM Feb 4th from web
81. is celebrating his birthday all month long4:41 PM Feb 1st from txt
82. is watching Easy Rider with his father8:59 PM Jan 31st from txt
83. @beetleginny Apple juice is the best!2:54 PM Jan 31st from web
84. is sitting at the bar, sipping on a Shirley Temple10:56 PM Jan 30th from txt
85. is watching the best musician (real instruments) he knows compete in a Guitar Hero competition at Best Buy. Geek Squad, like woah.7:37 PM Jan 30th from txt
86. @beetleginny Try apple juice4:49 PM Jan 30th from txt
87. @jaclynrjohnson Sherlock Holmes chic is amazing, I was thinking about 'everyday' even before the post fully loaded.4:43 PM Jan 30th from txt
88. dropped X-rays off at one of his mom's offices, is now shoveling his parents' driveway wearing a vest and vintage Dior shirt and tie.12:32 PM Jan 30th from txt
89. and a guy driving a pickup truck just pushed an SUV out of the snow on Interstate 275 East9:10 AM Jan 29th from txt
90. is in park on Interstate 75 South7:23 AM Jan 29th from txt
91. is in park on Interstate 757:23 AM Jan 29th from txt
92. is driving to Dayton, Ohio and back between now and 6am--say hello to keep him awake: 347.323.08413:10 AM Jan 29th from txt
93. is on ESPN, the first person since 1968 wearing a tie and vest at a sporting event.7:41 PM Jan 28th from txt
94. is shoveling the driveway10:47 AM Jan 27th from txt
95. @babysinead Skateboards need wear and tear--like battle scars. Like jeans worn daily, shoes into which you wore holes. Says, "I did this."1:03 AM Jan 27th from txt
96. 's mind has been blown by a party in Northside1:53 AM Jan 24th from txt
97. 's Every-Day-in-February Birthday Party lasts all month and happens everywhere. It is a gift to you, let him do you a favor. See Facebook.8:13 PM Jan 22nd from txt
98. @alisondoyle My mother is a trained and working X-Ray tech, would you like to speak with her?3:28 PM Jan 21st from txt in reply to AlisonDoyle
99. @antwanduncan In profile, Biden looks like Beavis.12:57 PM Jan 20th from txt in reply to antwanduncan
100. @rachelsklar Splash kills me, Forrest Gump makes me weep. Have fun there!1:28 AM Jan 20th from txt in reply to rachelsklar
101. was in Vermont this past weekend, is now in Wyoming4:20 PM Jan 19th from txt
102. 's magazine is downsizing, he is looking for a full-time position: http://www.visualcv.com/zac...7:02 PM Jan 18th from txt
103. 's magazine is downsizing, he is looking for a full-time position. visualcv.com/zacharydavidpalmer6:17 PM Jan 18th from txt
104. @juliaallison Maybe he is from the Midwest?11:11 PM Jan 17th from txt in reply to juliaallison
105. 's parents have Electric Light Orchesta turned up to 11, and the Christmas tree's lights flashing.10:44 PM Jan 17th from txt
106. @jillianann I just realized this week that part of 'November Rain' was shot in Rainbow. Or, well, noticed Rainbow after learning what it is.5:57 PM Jan 17th from web in reply to JillianAnn
107. @maryrambin Do not even get me started on Footloose. In short: look at the About Me section on my Myspace page. Story of my life.5:48 PM Jan 17th from web in reply to MaryRambin
108. @thecultureofme I am listening to their Complete Discocrappy right now, 117 songs on 2 discs. Midwest-bred sXe--who does that sound like?5:40 PM Jan 17th from txt in reply to thecultureofme
109. @thecultureofme No way! Next: The Locust, Combat Wounded Veteran, blowup., Charles Bronson, Stabbed at Gunpoint, Skeletonwitch, The Fem Move5:24 PM Jan 17th from web in reply to thecultureofme
110. 's mom said apply to: "XXX Cashier/Stockgirl Hustler Hollywood. Downtown. Must have experience and not wear underpants. Call 513-555-XXXX"12:27 AM Jan 17th from txt
111. is Gehyrsumnysse on Skype10:07 PM Jan 15th from txt
112. knows that if Billy Idol comes on in the car the volume goes up, windows go down, fingerless gloves go on and you fist pump--in any weather6:31 PM Jan 15th from txt
113. knows that if Billy Idol comes on in the car, the volume goes up, windows go down, fingerless gloves go on and you fist pump--in any weather6:30 PM Jan 15th from txt
114. is on the road, again10:49 AM Jan 12th from txt
115. is standing on the right wing of the $650,000 Cessna his friend flies3:46 AM Jan 11th from txt
116. is standing on the right wing of the $650,000 Cessa my friend flies.9:05 PM Jan 10th from txt
117. standing on the right wing of the $650,000 Cessa my friend flies.9:02 PM Jan 10th from txt
118. gave himself a haircut that is an arabesque of Julie Andrews, Mia Farrow, David Bowie and his father's 1965 high school graduation photo.2:36 AM Jan 9th from txt
119. is chopping his hair off4:58 PM Jan 8th from txt
120. shaved off his moustache, but still has hair down to his chest12:39 AM Jan 8th from txt
121. is heading to the Boar's Head & Yule Log Festival4:07 PM Jan 4th from txt
122. is walking down train tracks.10:32 PM Jan 2nd from txt
123. is looking for work10:28 PM Jan 1st from txt
124. put on his tuxedo (with tails), class of 1932 ring, fedora, boots and mid-century watch; took the Beamer out.11:27 PM Dec 31st, 2008 from txt
125. is not streaking at midnight this year.1:57 PM Dec 31st, 2008 from txt
126. 's father is doing the Macarena to Bruce Springsteen's 'Santa Claus is Comin' to Town.'4:43 PM Dec 25th, 2008 from txt
127. is with his family, watch the Christmas tree lights dance to his father's arena rock collection.11:20 PM Dec 24th, 2008 from txt
128. is in Cincinnati, celebrating his birthday with family and a 3-way.6:39 PM Dec 24th, 2008 from txt
129. is supervising the repair of his neighbor's furnace.8:39 AM Dec 22nd, 2008 from txt
130. is on his way to the airport.6:19 PM Dec 21st, 2008 from txt
131. would like you to follow @cftunderground6:34 PM Dec 18th, 2008 from web
132. found the future of dance music, take notice New York City: purevolume.com/tdr2wolfquest4:45 PM Dec 17th, 2008 from txt
133. needs to find a fragrance that smells like gasoline, so that when he holds a girl close at a dance she will know that he has a car.1:20 PM Dec 14th, 2008 from web
134. is reading Story of My Life7:54 PM Dec 12th, 2008 from txt
135. is at home, his father is blaring the Ringo Starr Christmas album4:55 PM Dec 12th, 2008 from txt
136. is on visualcv.com11:56 PM Dec 11th, 2008 from txt
137. is looking at the August 1990 issue of Thrasher magazine3:12 AM Dec 11th, 2008 from web
138. is the youngest person and has the longest hair in the dining room.8:04 PM Dec 5th, 2008 from txt
139. is wearing his tuxedo, boots and about two-hundred years of accessories; having dinner at the Woman's Club5:14 PM Dec 5th, 2008 from web
140. is back in the Midwest4:43 PM Nov 24th, 2008 from txt
141. is crossing the Ohio River4:42 PM Nov 24th, 2008 from txt
142. is now in the South4:33 PM Nov 24th, 2008 from txt
143. is driving to Kentucky3:04 PM Nov 24th, 2008 from txt
144. is in the front row at How to Succeed...7:52 PM Nov 21st, 2008 from txt
145. just found in his vest a vial filled with gold4:24 PM Nov 19th, 2008 from web
146. goes into offices and says that he is there to pick up the pieces4:23 PM Nov 19th, 2008 from web
147. is hosting BowieBall at Santos on December 6th. RSVP to bowieballnyc.com with my name, you will be on my list at the door.6:32 PM Nov 18th, 2008 from web
148. posted music at reverbnation.com/thefeministmovement1:07 PM Nov 17th, 2008 from web
149. is a road warrior2:05 PM Nov 11th, 2008 from web
150. ... "toughest motherfucker that I have ever met."1:02 AM Nov 2nd, 2008 from txt
151. was told by his mother that, "you are the toughest motherfucker I know."10:25 PM Nov 1st, 2008 from txt
152. is in the cloakroom, ready to shoot for coatsfromtheunderground.blogspot.com9:23 PM Oct 24th, 2008 from txt
153. is checking coats and taking names tonight and tomorrow night7:48 PM Oct 24th, 2008 from web
154. is moving to Loveland, OH next week... unless you want to move in and/or are hiring?1:26 PM Oct 23rd, 2008 from txt
155. has posted music at reverbnation.com/thefeministmovement6:47 PM Oct 22nd, 2008 from txt
156. is at a Czech rave9:44 PM Oct 4th, 2008 from txt
157. needs a full-time job, a living wage.5:16 PM Oct 3rd, 2008 from txt
158. is getting paid to watch Sex and the City at Don Hill's.2:04 AM Oct 3rd, 2008 from txt
159. is writing poetry, sitting in the street just south of the intersection of Broadway and 42nd St.6:00 PM Aug 27th, 2008 from txt
160. is skating through Harlem, watching the sunrise.6:46 AM Aug 15th, 2008 from txt
161. just made, essentially, both an amp and a receiver out of a boom box that he has had since 19924:57 AM Aug 15th, 2008 from web
162. Is leaving work now, he stopped being paid 3 hours ago.6:19 PM Aug 13th, 2008 from txt
163. is going to work on about an hour of sleep7:23 AM Aug 11th, 2008 from web
164. is eating dinner at the United Nations7:26 PM Aug 2nd, 2008 from txt
165. is hosting TRASH! tonight, guest list spots are still available.5:25 PM Aug 1st, 2008 from web
166. Was awake for twenty-two hours, stayed up until 5am watching I Know What You Did Last Summer on TBS6:43 PM Jul 31st, 2008 from web
167. can barely function4:47 PM Jul 31st, 2008 from web
168. up?! Thanks!10:52 AM Jul 30th, 2008 from txt
169. is hosting TRASH! on Friday9:50 PM Jul 28th, 2008 from web
170. has four meetings today1:04 PM Jul 28th, 2008 from txt
171. has a Skeletonwitch-related injury.3:03 PM Jul 27th, 2008 from web
172. Is seeing Skeletonwitch tonight--will not make it out alive!7:02 PM Jul 26th, 2008 from txt
173. is eating dinner at a waterfall in the North Woods7:25 PM Jul 25th, 2008 from txt
174. is tramping Fifth Avenue4:02 PM Jul 25th, 2008 from txt
175. is going to sleep now7:32 AM Jul 25th, 2008 from web
176. has ten jobs and zero dollars.4:44 PM Jul 24th, 2008 from web
177. Went to sleep at, like, 11pm and woke up around 2am. Now: dinner/breakfast.4:32 AM Jul 24th, 2008 from web
The Private Lives of Public People
Do Sex Professionals Take Their Work Home With Them?
[I helped find interviewees]
Legendary screen hooker Julia Roberts had a rule that her clients could never kiss her on the mouth. This, apparently, was to maintain some kind of barrier between the sexual transaction and the obvious intimacy of exchanging saliva. Of course, in the end she lets handsome, rich Dick Gere plant one on the lips, effectively blurring the line between her professional and private lives. It’s a very moving scene. After watching Pretty Woman eight or nine times, we began to wonder about how sex professionals in general deal with the line between their careers and their bedrooms — so we asked a bunch of them about it.
-IMG2-
JAYME WAXMAN, SEXPERT
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: I don’t like to use labels, but if I had to pick one I’d say I’m try-sexual. I’m willing to try (almost) anything once.
City: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Professional Life: Sex educator, writer, director, producer, host and author (jamyewaxman.com)
Relationship Status: In a relationship with a man. We currently live together. We are mostly monogamous, but not always.
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? For starters, I’m desensitized to sex talk. I can talk about orgasms, penis, vagina, whatever – anywhere. The titillation factor is gone. Also, I don’t make as much noise as my partner would like because I work in porn (hosting, directing, producing) and I can’t stand when a girl sounds overly fake. Since I’m around the loud oohs and oh baby’s often, I don’t want to say anything unless it comes naturally. So my partner might complain that I’m too quiet in bed, but I’m working on that. We just took a Tantra workshop last weekend and I’m learning to express myself. Also, I’m numb to porn since I watch lots every month for work. What I find even funnier is that my partner will sometimes beg me to turn off the porn. It’s such a gender reversal. And I love to use sex toys. Which is positive mostly, but sometimes I think it’d be better if I spent more time with hands. Get back in touch with my body that way.
Has your job led to uncomfortable situations? Sometimes because you’re working around sex, it’s difficult to find the line between sex positive and sexual harassment. Where in a regular office job, it’s not cool for your co-worker to tell you that you have a great ass, when you’re working on a porn set talking about tits and ass all day, it’s just different. Sometimes people mistake my level of comfort around the topic with my level of availability. I was at a party once where this guy was trying to get me to have sex with him. It was a kinky, fetish party and everyone was doing something, but I just wanted to watch. He kept trying, forcefully, to get me into a hot tub with him. The other people in the room were encouraging me to play with him, and finally I screamed at the top of my lungs “You’re all sex positive people in here, right? So when doesn’t ‘no’ mean ‘no?’” That shut them up, and they apologized for trying to push me. I have my voice, and I know how to use it, but I don’t think lots of young girls in this industry feel that way. That’s definitely a scary thing.
BRIGITTE PHILIPIDDES, SOCIAL COMMENTARY PAINTER
Age: 40
Gender: Female
City: West Village, Manhattan
Professional Life: head of Polyamorous NYC (poly-nyc.com), star of forthcoming doc-series (RE)Inventing Love.
How frequently do you engage in sexual activity? Depends on how busy I am with Poly-NYC and making paintings about my sexual activity.
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? My painting is completely diaristic of my sex life, and my sex life is a sort of muse for my painting. And it helps that I have multiple partners and relationships and am the head of Polyamorous NYC. It might not be as powerful if I had no relationships and weren’t the leader of a poly networking site. It kinda gives me street cred on both levels.
Do you sometimes have to separate between your personal and professional lives? I’ve had to set very stringent boundaries around my private life, just in order to have a private life. My main partner and I get a lot of attention everywhere we go: people want to be with us and touch us and we do things like photo shoots together. Then we also have a lot of alone time when we’re just together and that helps, but it took me about two years to come to terms with putting my entire sex life out there. I think sex education matters and I think it’s crucial to show that there are alternatives out there for people who are really frustrated with the paradigms that we have today in relationships. I’m willing go out and use the example of my personal life to empower other people and show them that there are other ways of having a love life than monogamy.
How do you wish sex were different? I wish people had less shame and actually lived the sex life of their dreams.
Has your work led you to expand your sexual comfort zone? Absolutely, because I’ve got to find new material to paint about, and I’m around people who are very sexually empowered and it encourages me to be more sexually empowered. And I’ve learned stuff from others by seeing what they’re doing and thinking: “Hm, I’d never thought of that, maybe I want to do that…”
JOHN, CABARET PERFORMER
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
City: Vancouver, Canada
Professional Life: Member of The Wet Spots (performing at the Zipper Factory July 27, wetspotsmusic.com)
Relationship Status: In a polyamorous marriage. Both my wife Cass and I have partners outside of our marriage.
How frequently do you engage in sexual activity? It varies wildly. When we are on tour, my wife and I have far more sex with one another than we do when we are at home. Most of our partners outside our primary relationship live in cities other than our home town, so when we visit these other cities, we also have more sex overall. The road is sexy for us.
How does work influence your personal sex life? My wife Cass is my primary partner and also my professional performing partner. Our professional life involves thinking about sex and the things that make it comedic, which are often the same things that make it tragic. Mostly it's about telling awkward truths. Consequently, our communication between one another in our personal sex life is very honest and straightforward.
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? In my public life I advocate for happy, healthy, shameless sexuality. When I find myself facing my own sexual hang-ups, dry spells or sexual problems in my private life, I sometimes feel that I am falling short of the character I embody onstage.
How do you wish sex were different? I really wish that there were more BDSM, fetish, play and swing venues that didn't try to be all gothic and dark and ominous. I prefer a more playful, creative, humorous vibe.
Has your job led to uncomfortable situations? Sometimes because we have just sung a song about spankings or butt plugs, an audience member will come up after the show and start talking to us about how they like to fist their pet goat using peanut butter as lube and would we like to come over to their house and watch and then we can all have sandwiches? This is uncomfortable only because we have to decline. Cass hates sandwiches.
ANONYMOUS, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
City: Los Angeles area
Relationship Status: Married
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? My work helps me communicate better in my personal sex life. My son always felt comfortable while growing up asking me all of his questions about sex.
How do you wish sex were different? I wish people from all societies and subgroups would understand the biopsychosocial basis of sex better so that societal issues were based more on scientific information than opinion.
Has your job led to uncomfortable situations? No. If a licensed clinical psychologist does have sexual feelings for a patient, even though they are not communicated nor acted upon, ethically that psychologist must seek a colleague’s help with resolving those feelings so they do not contaminate the therapeutic relationship or else the psychologist must terminate the patient.
Has your work led you to expand your sexual comfort zone? Yes, I have learned more about the importance of romance and communication for men, not just women, in sexual relationships from the feedback I have received from male patients.
TARA TAINTON, SEX WRITER
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bi-curious
City: Las Vegas, Nevada
Professional Life: amateur adult performer, amateur erotic model (taratainton.com)
Relationship Status: Living with male partner in a committed, open relationship.
How did you get into your line of work? I've been writing erotic material for just over 3 years now, and at the beginning of 2008 started sharing erotic photos and adult videos of myself. I've found this new venture challenging and a natural progression, enabling lots of new experiences. I've also unexpectedly discovered comfort appearing nude and in compromising positions on camera. I really relish how the adult business community welcomes, nurtures, and supports independent, freelance work and careers. Since leaving my last "real job" in 2003, I've maintained a personal goal of never being employed by someone else for the rest of my life.
How work influences personal sex life? With the video venture, I've found that the increased frequency of sex has directly increased my natural libido. At the same time, such an intimate act being relied upon for a portion of my income has sort of taken away something that was just between my partner and me. Even when we're in the mood and about to indulge in sexual activity, our business instinct urges us to get the camera and not waste any of the action. We're actively trying to work out a better arrangement, a better balance between sex-for-work and sex-for-us. That said, the new line of work has added a great deal to our shared sex life. We feel more encouraged, supported, and confident in trying new sexual experiences, fetishes, toys, etc. because we're having more sex and want to keep it fresh, creative and fun. Modeling for erotic photos and appearing regularly on video for public view, I've also gained a great deal more personal confidence and self-esteem. I've learned to see my body as more beautiful and attractive, to ignore my perceived faults, and appreciate my body and personality much more.
How has your job affected your partners' attitudes towards sex? He definitely believes he doesn't get enough off-camera time with me. At the same time, he enjoys the new challenges we set ourselves sexually, the new roles we've tried, and even his being able to play a more dominant role (as is the norm in the adult business) in our sexual activity than happened when we had sex all to ourselves. I'm actually the more naturally aggressive one.
STEPHANIE SELLARS, SEX BLOGGER
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Queer / bisexual
City: Manhattan
Professional Life: performer, filmmaker (sslustlife.blogspot.com)
Relationship Status: Seriously partnered with benefits
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? Being a professional artist allows me to be more sexually creative. The only negative aspect would be that sometimes intense creative focus depletes time and energy from my sex life.
Do you sometimes have to separate between your personal and professional lives? There is very little separation between work and pleasure in my life. If I'm working with someone on an ongoing basis, and I am attracted to that person, I would in most cases refrain from acting on that attraction, in order to avoid the messes that may occur from screwing on the job, so to speak. But I met my boyfriend at an audition for a film I produced. I cast him as the lead, and then I jumped into his pants. So it really depends on the circumstances.
How has your job affected your partners' perceptions of you? Everyone wants to fuck a sex columnist. Because I put myself out in the world (through my art) as a bisexual libertine, people meeting me for the first time often assume I'll screw anything or that I'm a sex goddess with a heart of stone. They're often surprised at how shy and vulnerable I can be.
How has your job affected your partners' attitudes towards sex? My sexual openness in my professional life inspires curiosity in my partners. My current partner had a sexual awakening as a result of our relationship. At another time, I had a partner who challenged how I was living my life. Even though he was open to the polyamorous lifestyle I was documenting in my column, he ultimately found it too flawed to try on for himself. Generally, unless a lover is already in my world, my "job" – which is really my life – opens my partners' eyes to another world of sexuality, inspiring fantasies that they didn't think were possible in reality for them.
RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL, WRITER
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
City: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Professional Life: Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, erotica editor (rachelkramerbussel.com)
Relationship Status: I'm in a long distance relationship.
How would you define “sex”? When I'm with guys I think of sex as penis/vagina intercourse. Other things are sexual, but not exactly the same. I realize this makes no sense because I treat the same acts (say, oral sex) as sex with women. It's confusing, though, because I've had spanking scenes that were some of the most arousing things I've ever done, but there was no sex. Well, there was masturbation, but I wouldn't say "I had sex with that person." At the end of the day, though, I don't have some hard and fast definition.
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? The positive impacts are that I'm very open-minded, moreso than I was before I started this. I've gotten to interview and hear about all sorts of fetishes, fantasies and practices that opened my eyes and made me less judgmental, and I'd like to think that makes me a better lover overall. The negative impacts are that I can never meet anyone and not have them Google me, read about my past sex life and form judgments. I had one guy ask me out via email (we knew each other through mutual friends) and right after "Do you want to go out sometime?" he was asking if I'm a top or a bottom. There's this assumption that if I go on a date with someone, I'll sleep with them. I think people also assume that I'm looking for no strings attached sex when I'm actually very romantic and care way less about sexual exploits than having a loving, close relationship (one with plenty of sexual fun too). That's something I struggle with a lot because I want to talk back to the haters, and I can't. I run a blog about cupcakes (Cupcakes Take the Cake) and a stranger emailed me to say how horrible it is that I run the site that she reads with her daughter but also write about sex. Literally, she wrote, "You should not exist." That's troubling to me. Or, for instance, I've written a lot about spanking, and am a big fan of spanking, but I don't do that with everyone I sleep with. It's not an all the time thing and people shouldn't assume they know what I'm into sexually from reading things I've written.
How do you wish sex were different? I wish sex toys were thought of not just as masturbation aids but as parts of couples' sex lives. There are so many amazing toys (and some can be household items, like a ruler to spank someone with) that can add a lot of fun in the bedroom (or wherever).
AMY LEVINE, SEXOLOGIST
Age: 36
Gender: Female
City: Manhattan
Professional Life: Certified Sexuality Educator, founder of Sex Ed Solutions (sexedsolutions.com)
Relationship Status: Married
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? I have a heightened awareness to what I need to do when I feel out of sync. Many people think sex is supposed to be seamless like in movies and on TV, or as explosive as the pop culture mags suggest. The reality is it's completely natural for our sex lives to wax and wane for a number of reasons. Living in this city alone can take its toll – there are so many things to do that if you don't make time for sex (solo sex included) it's easy to get sidetracked.
Do you sometimes have to separate between your personal and professional lives? Since I know a lot about sex – sometimes too much – I can get a bit neurotic at times. I might be having sex and have to remind myself to be in the moment instead of taking notes in my head.
How do you wish sex were different? I wish we were all empowered at an early age to love our body, respect ourselves, know the characteristics of a healthy relationship, feel comfortable talking about sexuality, learn the facts about our sexual health and safer sex, know how to make decisions in our best interest, build a knowledgeable support system, and more. Basically all the things parents and caregivers ideally provide at home and a comprehensive sexuality education program reinforces. Unfortunately, this isn't the norm in America these days, not even in New York.
How has your job affected your partners' perceptions of you? When I was single it was a great way to weed out the boys from the men. If their jaw dropped when I mentioned my profession or that I had my own weekly sex Q&A column on Cosmo's website, it was a deal breaker. When I dated my husband, he learned early on that no topic was off limits. He loves me, sexpert and all.
YVONNE K. FULBRIGHT, SEX EDUCATOR
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Relationship Status: Partnered, but not married.
How did you get into your line of work? I found my passion for sex education in the sixth grade, when I gave a presentation on conception and the female reproductive system. My classmates were spellbound and I realized I could do something few could – openly talk about sex comfortably. I knew I’d found my calling.
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? Given my comfort level, I tend to be the one who brings the “strength” component to sexual enjoyment. By that, I mean that I am good at affirming my lover’s concerns, desires and feelings – I like to think that I create a safe space for sharing. Along with this “leadership” quality, past lovers may have seen the fact that they’re not in the driver’s seat as a negative. Men have admitted to feeling intimidated by what I do for a living and what I know. I’m not exactly the sort that’s easy to take home to meet mom, even if I’m an academic.
How do you wish sex were different? I wish that people could adopt ancient Eastern approaches to sex that involve it being a way of honoring another. I wish that lovers would respect each other more. I wish that people knew how to be good communicators – that we were raised to be such with our lovers. I wish that people wouldn’t use each other as much as they do.
Has your work led you to expand your sexual comfort zone? I haven’t let it. There are people in my field who think that you need to experience something in order to be an expert on it. And while there can be benefits in commenting on something because of experience, it shouldn’t be a requirement. That’s like saying a vegetarian chef needs to eat beef in order to comment on its nutritional value. Come on. We all have our own boundaries, preferences, and desires, and they all need to be respected.
NAN WISE, SEX THERAPIST
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: 2 on the Kinsey scale (0 being completely heterosexual, 6 completely homosexual). I’m more attracted to men sexually, but emotionally I’m very attracted to women and have had connections with women that included sexual contact.
Race: Caucasian
Professional Life: neuroscience sex-researcher (thedesirecurve.com), meaning that I work with a team of people who study the brain in relationship to sexuality. We put people in a scanner and have them self-stimulate then analyze their brain activity during sexual stimulation to analyze the neuroscience of sex.
Relationship Status: Married
How do you wish sex were different? I feel strongly that we need to get over this whole bullshit about being secretive and hypocritical about our sexuality. You’re basically guilty until proven innocent if you do something other than heterosexual monogamy. I wish we were more comfortable being authentic about our sexual selves, and I think if we were, we’d be less driven by it in a negative way. There are so many health benefits to sexuality, both physically and emotionally. It makes people feel more in touch with their bodies and I think if we were more in touch with our bodies we wouldn’t be so god-damned fat. We have an epidemic of obscene obesity because we’re not in our bodies, we’re heads on sticks. Being in touch with your body is one of the most joyful things about being alive, and I think if you’re more in touch with your body it’s much harder to mistreat it.
Has your work led you to expand your sexual comfort zone? There are times when I’ve had clients whose practices are somewhat radical. Like, for example, there are people who call themselves adult babies and who want to wear diapers and indulge in infantilizing fantasies, or I’ve had clients who’ve wanted to have sex with animals; things where I bump into my own biases and discomforts. I think my work has encouraged me to accept that there are lots of unique erotic fingerprints. When I put my biases aside I realize that even if it’s something that makes me uncomfortable, there’s something positive in this for that person. I’m not going to go by the normative standards – which are so biased – I’m there to help people figure out where they want to go and how best to get there.
VERONICA VICIOUS, FETISH WRESTLER
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Queer, bisexual, polyamorous
City: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Relationship Status: I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend.
How did you get into your line of work? I’ve always wrestled athletically and taken a lot of self-defense classes. I kicked a man’s ass in public when he hurt a female friend of mine and people seemed to find it entertaining and also really erotic, and I enjoyed it too. So when I came to New York I started jell-o wrestling and was really good at both the athletic side and the showy, sexy performance side, so I was recruited to do it for pay. I’ve been getting paid to wrestle for about three years now. I wrestle men privately in hour sessions so they can experience being physically dominated by a woman, without the need for whips or floggers, just my strong little body. I also make wrestling videos, have some clips on YouTube, and just won a gold medal at national championships for my division. I have an awesome feminist manager and I work through the agency Doom Maidens (they’re hiring, doommaidens.com).
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? Being involved in what I consider a type of feminist sex work has forced me to clarify my personal boundaries. I consider it sex work because it fulfills fantasy, and feminist because I follow my own personal limits of no nudity or sexual contact. It’s taught me to be a better communicator about my needs and boundaries and never do anything that I don’t want to do. I also get to explore other people’s fantasy worlds in a very personal way; they tell me things they don’t even tell their wives or therapists. The downside is that sometimes I am turned off by creepy clients – very rarely or I wouldn’t do it – and that encourages me to swing towards the lesbian side of my sexuality and I don’t want to feel attracted to guys for a while. But it’s mostly positive.
How has your job affected your partners' perceptions of you? Some previous boyfriends have been jealous and alarmed that although I don’t have sex for money I am fulfilling wrestling fantasies in close contact with clients, and they’ve wanted me to stop. My current partners believe I’m strong enough to make my own decisions and that I wouldn’t let myself be exploited. My boyfriend and girlfriend both think it’s sexy that they’re dating an international fetish icon.
How has your job affected your partners' attitudes towards sex? I think it’s intimidating to dominate me. When I came back from making fetish movies across Europe – dominating men in London, Amsterdam and Berlin – and I came back and wanted to have the vulnerability of being dominated, my partners were reluctant because they were intimidated.
REID MIHALKO, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP EDUCATOR
Age: 40
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
City: New York City
Professional Life: co-founder of Speed Flirting and Cuddle Party (cuddleparty.com)
Relationship Status: Non-monogamous, currently in three relationships.
How did you get into your line of work? I came to it from being a bartender. That got me started as someone who was allowed, by culture, to talk about sex and relationships. Then more personally, I wanted to understand what about my mum and dad’s relationship didn’t work. They were awesome parents but their inability to communicate as a couple started to affect their parenting. So I was very interested in figuring out what they were missing and how to improve on that.
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? Lots of how I educate people is role modeling, so I try to walk my talk and be in relationships that have integrity, take the time to listen and do the work. All those things that I preach to people on how to develop their own relationships I try to live as well. I’m not trying to tell them to be me, I’m just saying: “This is who I discovered myself to be and these are the tools that helped me discover that. These are the communication skills and perspectives that have helped empower me in my relationships. I invite you to use these tools and go build the home that you’ve always dreamed of. But don’t build a house that looks just like mine, this is my house.”
How do you wish sex were different? I wish that in our country we could talk more openly about sex and that people weren’t so judgmental and shameful about sex. As someone who works nationally, I have to be constantly aware of the bubble effect. I hang out with sex educators and pornstars so it’s easy to forget, and part of my job is to remind myself of what’s possible and who I’m working with. That’s just being a good educator: speaking to the lowest common denominator so everyone can hear you, and at the same time deepening the discourse by inviting people to step up and expand their comfort zones.
LUX ALPTRAUM, SEX BLOGGER
Age: 25
Sexual Orientation: I prefer not to label myself, but under duress, I will go with bisexual.
City: New York, NY
Professional Life: Associate Editor, Fleshbot.com. Editor, Boinkology.com.
Relationship Status: Taken!
How did you enter into your line of work? I've been working in sex, in one way or another, for over ten years. I've worked in a variety of sex-related fields: anti-violence education, HIV pretest counseling, adolescent sex education, pornography, and sex writing/blogging. I started Boinkology about a year ago, after getting frustrated with the limited breadth of discussion around sex that was happening on the internet. About two months after I started Boinkology I was invited to come on as a contributor at Fleshbot, which led to a position on the editorial staff.
What are the positive impacts of your profession on your personal sex life? What are the negative impacts? Positives: I am knowledgable about sex, sexual health, and birth control; all of which helps me have better, safer, healthier sex. I get access to awesome porn. I get sex toys for free. Because I'm so used to talking about sex, I'm very comfortable discussing my needs and desires with my partners, which makes for great sex.
Negatives: I used to be afraid that my line of work would make me unappealing to potential partners, but I've since realized that anyone who feels that way is not someone I'd be interested in dating. So I guess I don't really have negatives? I really like sex, so writing about it all the time doesn't numb me to it or anything.
How has your job affected your partners' perceptions of you? Who I am and what I do are so intricately connected that it's really hard for me to separate them enough to answer this question. Even when I wasn't writing about sex, I was still sexually open, experimental, and interested in talking about sex -- the job didn't really create anything that wasn't already there.
COLLEGE CALLGIRL, SEX BLOGGER, FORMER CALL GIRL
Age: 25
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual, but just in a slutty way. I have had sex with men and women but am mostly straight.
City: New York, NY
Professional Life: Writer/editor/former callgirl
How do you feel that your work influences your personal sex life? It never really did. Sex at home is way different than sex on the job. If anything, my real boyfriends get cheated because I don’t feel compelled to perform for them, putting on a big sexy show like I would for a client. Real sex, real intimacy, shouldn’t be about smoke and mirrors, bells and whistles.
What are the positive impacts of your profession on your personal sex life? What are the negative impacts? Having to tell boyfriends you have worked as a callgirl narrows your dating pool down right away. But if you don’t tell you feel like the other person will never really be able to know you. But when’s a good time to bring it up?
How do you wish sex were different, given your personal and professional experiences? I love sex! One thing I’ve learned is that people should be more open-minded about their sexual partners. As a callgirl, I have had mindblowing sex with people I might not have given a second glance to otherwise. Chemistry isn’t about your “type.” It just happens, and when two people have good chemistry, it leads to explosive sex.
How has your job affected your partners’ perceptions of you? Obviously some people think I am tainted in some way. Others fetishize what I’ve done. I don’t want to talk about it all the time with some guy I’m dating so he can get off on it. And just because I was a callgirl doesn’t mean I’m easy. I’ve had guys who know treat me like I should be instantly sexually available.
A., EROTIC FICTION WRITER
Age: 34
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Relationship Status: Married
City: Tucson, AZ
How do you feel that your work influences your personal sex life? Whether they admit it or not, anyone who reads or writes erotic romance is affected by it in their personal sex life. Erotica and all its many genre breakoffs is written to awaken the reader's sexual awareness--to turn him or her on. Writing it is just as good--if not better--than reading it. It makes a reader look at his or her partner with that hunger.
When have you felt the need to implement a separation between your personal and professional roles, in terms of sex? If possible, please name specific instances. There are many things I write that I would not do or feel comfortable doing. I think readers don't understand that. A fiction writer weaves in enough facts to make the work feel real. I am still uncomfortable at book signings when someone shows me they are offended by my writing. They need to get over their sexual issues, instead of trying to make everyone see the way they do.
Has your work ever pushed you to expand your sexual comfort zone? Absolutely. I think that's part of the fun of writing erotic romance. I get to examine why people have sex they way they do, who they choose to be with, and how they handle complicated relationships and the freaky things they do when the lights go out.
ESSIN' EM, SEX BLOGGER
Age: 22
Gender: A Femme woman
Sexual Orientation: Queer
City: Currently Philly, about to move to Colorado
Professional Life: community outreach coordinator, advice columnist, sexpert, erotica author (essin-em.com)
Relationship Status: Single and totally OK with that.
How would you define “sex”? Sex for me has a very broad definition. For me, sex has been getting a play piercing, being fucked with a hand, with a dildo, with a cock, having a tongue on my cunt, fucking others, breast orgasms, mutual masturbation, solo masturbation (hey, it is sex with yourself), and more. If I'm enjoying myself in a sexual sense, it can be sex. It gets more interesting when someone thinks of something as sex, and the other one doesn't, but that is where good communication comes into play.
How has your job impacted your personal sex life? Well, I guess it's kind of both; I refuse to have "bad" sex anymore. I have had, and read about, so much fun, engaging, hot, awesome sex, that I just can't go home with anyone to fuck. I want to talk to them, to see if our kinks are compatible, to flirt, to get us both hot and riled up before we even walk out the door. So I'm not getting as much sex as I'd like, but at least it is good, healthy, sex-positive sex.
Do you sometimes have to separate between your personal and professional lives? I always go through the "so, do I tell them about my blog? Just that I write one, or the actual site? And if I tell them about it, can I then write about them?” I usually do wind up telling them because they'll figure it out anyways and also because I feel that if I'm going to be writing about them, it's only ethical to let them know.
How has your job affected your partners' perceptions of you? Well, I know they appreciated all the fancy sex toys I have, and all the fabulous ethical porn I watch. One of them really liked reading about himself in my blog, but sometimes, they have read something about themselves that they didn't agree with, and we have to have the "this is my blog, these are my thoughts and opinions and reactions, and you're entitled to your own" talk.
CORA ZANE, EROTIC FICTION WRITER
How did you enter into your line of work? I wrote a book and went to a publisher that was taking manuscripts. Their guidelines called for erotica, and, after tweaking the book, that's what I gave them. It happened to work for me, and I felt comfortable writing it, so I became an erotic romance writer.
What are the positive impacts of your profession on your personal sex life? What are the negative impacts? Negative connotations get lumped on you when you choose to be an erotic writer. People ask me all the time if I do what I write about. I get letters from men and women who think I'm slutty and sexually desperate. There are people who think I want and/or need explicit emails from them in particular. Some write me asking to have an affair with them. For these people, I have become just as much an erotic fantasy as the story I've written. The ideas people have about you are sometimes really bizarre, and sometimes frightening. As for a positive impact, you really have to grow a thick skin and believe in yourself to make it in this business. Telling someone you're a writer and then telling them you're an erotic writer illicits two entirely different reactions. You have to stay on your toes, show personal strength, and navigate those prude, shocked, and sometimes embarrassed reactions. It definitely gives you people skills.
Has your work ever pushed you to expand your sexual comfort zone? Absolutely. There are trends in writing, and some genres require more explicit and/or experimental encounters than in others. If you want to sell and stay in the game, you have to sometimes reach outside your own expertise and comfort zone.
WYLIE KINSON, EROTIC NOVELIST
Age: 41
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Relationship Status: Happily married
How frequently do you engage in sexual activity? Frankly, not as often as I like, but with two small children who almost always find their way into mom and dad's bed, it's hard.
How do you wish sex were different, given your personal and professional experiences? I wish the double standard of Man+Sex=HERO and Woman+Sex=SLUT would disappear. I want it to be okay for a woman to enjoy sex as she pleases without being labeled Loose, Whore, Tramp, etc...
Has your work ever put you in a situation were you were uncomfortable, or felt you'd gone beyond your personal sexual boundaries? Men have made inappropriate comments and sexual innuendos upon learning what I write. They make comments that they absolutely wouldn't have made to me otherwise -- especially in the presence of my husband. They think it's okay to share their conquests and personal details, as if I'll get glazey-eyed and ask if I can base my next well-hung hero on them.
Has your work ever pushed you to expand your sexual comfort zone? Absolutely! Because readers expect a fair amount of intimate details in an erotic romance, I had to learn not to blush every time I wrote the word 'pussy' or 'cock'. I've gone from being a woman who never said the F-word to someone who can comfortably discuss the mechanics of anal sex in mixed company. My editor and I have have the most bizarre email exchanges.
A., NUDE MODEL AND PORN ACTRESS
Age: 20
Sexual Orientation: I'm probably a 2 on the Kinsey Scale
City: New York, NY
Professional Life: At this point in my life, I am only doing nude modeling, (photographers take nude photos of me for their portfolio, or artists draw me nude) and Alt Soft core porn. I get nude and pose in erotic positions for burningangel.com, I also participate in solo and girl/girl videos, but I have never done anything with a guy for my job, and don't plan to. I also dance in my panties at weekly dance parties in the LES (this is called go-go dancing). I used to do a lot of niche fetish work and I was a submissive in many bondage movies.
Relationship Status: I am in a monogamous relationship with a male.
How did you enter into your line of work? I was about to turn 18 and I wanted to make a lot of money and not work a lot of hours. A lot of my friends were fetish models, so I got a lot of my first jobs through them and people they knew. Once you find one fetish job in NYC, the rest land in your lap.
How do you feel that your work influences your personal sex life? My personal sex life is totally different than the sexuality that I portray on camera. I will not fuck, make-out with or pose nude with guys for any job, so that core part of my sexuality remains behind closed doors.
How has your job affected your partners’ perceptions of you? It's such a huge mind fuck for any guy to think of other guys shoving money in his girl's panties, or jerking off to her nude photos.
Has your work ever pushed you to expand your sexual comfort zone? The last video I ever did as a sub was a self-domination video. I basically had to beat the crap out of myself and then masturbate. After I got paid that day, I was sooooo done with the BDSM world.
HUNTER, "SUICIDE GIRL" AND WRITER
Age: 23
Sexual Orientation: straight
City: New York, NY
Professional Life: Day job: staff writer at a respectable publication. Also: freelance journalist, occasional model for Suicidegirls (suicidegirls.com/members/hunter/news) and other projects
Relationship Status: Single
What are the positive impacts of your profession on your personal sex life? What are the negative impacts? I don't broadcast that I'm an SG, as I'm afraid it will attract sleazy douchebags and scare the nice, shy, nerdy boys away. Also, it seems like SG isn't that cool anymore, so I'm reluctant to tell the snarky, judgmental rockists I usually go after. There's a weird squeamishness about blatantly sexual women in the indie rock world...everyone's dream girls are these birdlike little creatures whose bodies disappear into their cool vintage outfits, who are calm and inscrutable and spend their time sewing felt owls onto their bags or reading n+1 instead of indulging their vanity or dancing or screaming into a microphone about guys who fucked them over. I'm not dissing felt owls or n+1, I just want to be able to do those other things too when I feel like it. I've had to de-sexualize myself somewhat in order to date the guys I'm attracted to. My ex boyfriend barely tolerated that I was on SG...partly because he didn't like other guys jerking off to me, but also because it just wasn't cool and/or befitting of the girlfriend of someone who edits a music magazine and plays in an experimental band. I changed a lot for him. Sometimes I think that's kind of fucked up, but I care more about love than sex, so it was worth it to me. The positive effects have been indirect--I'm more confident about my body, and that always makes for better sex. I'm also less depressed and socially awkward than I was before, which is helpful when trying to meet guys.
How do you wish sex were different, given your personal and professional experiences? I wish otherwise cool guys would stop demonizing female sexuality, female emotions, and all that other embarassingly sincere stuff that us girly girls feel pressured to hide. Be a little nicer to us; we aren't just dudes with tits as many of my peers would like you to believe. Guys should also stop judging our bodies so harshly. For example, I get a lot of nasty comments telling me to shave my pubes. Guess what? Fuck you. Judge not lest ye be judged.
M., FORMER GAY PORN SALESMAN
Age: 29
Sexual Orientation: Straight, formerly bi-curious.
City: New York, NY
Professional Life: Former Adult Video Sales Rep/Distributor - Manhattan
Relationship Status: Dating
How did you enter into your line of work? I answered an ad in the "gigs" section in Craigslist. I was looking for DJ work.
When have you felt the need to implement a separation between your personal and professional roles, in terms of sex? If possible, please name specific instances. I dated a girl who constantly wanted me to give her a strip tease, and never gave one in return. I think she somehow wanted me to be her own private "gay for pay" porn star, except I paid to take her out and all I got was a dollar in my trunks.
Has your work ever put you in a situation were you were uncomfortable, or felt you'd gone beyond your personal sexual boundaries? Dealing with getting underwear as gifts was pretty easy. Kissing dudes was no problem. Letting a little femininity loose was also not too bad.
SINEAD, SEX BLOGGER
Age: 20
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
City: New York, NY
Professional Life: professional pervert: alt model; former stripper; blogger, babysinead.com
When have you felt the need to implement a separation between your personal and professional roles, in terms of sex? If possible, please name specific instances. I try my best at all times to keep both separate. I did have a young man once where it went from professional to personal after awhile. He visited me in the strip club frequently, I barely danced - we spent most our time discussing Pitchfork music reviews and Stanley Kubrik movies.
How has your job affected your partners' attitudes towards sex? None of my partners think this, but random guys think that I just put out like BAM and I don't. I am selective. I think the work tends to open my partners’ eyes to different things we can do, and encourages them to be more exciting and surprising in bed.
THE ETHICAL SLUT, SEX BLOGGER
Age: 26
Sexual Orientation: Straightish
Professional Life: Corporate Whore/Blogger
Relationship Status: Engaged
What are the positive impacts of your profession on your personal sex life? What are the negative impacts? When I was first struggling with pain during sex, my readers were quick to educate me about the possibility of vulvodynia, and possible cures. They are always helping me, from sex advice to apartment hunting. Plus, one of my best friends in New York is Sabina of ytuhermanotambien.blogspot.com. The negatives are probably trolls who come on to my blog and tell me I have a "dirty, sloppy, loose vagina." Also, there's the very real threat of being outed. I can't think of anyone in my real life who needs to know that I do my fiance up the butt with a plastic dick.
How do you wish sex were different, given your personal and professional experiences? Its funny, I started Ethical Slut with the conviction that I wanted to be polygamous/polyamorous. I completely sacrificed that for my fiance.
How has your job affected your partners' attitudes towards sex? I think the biggest job of the 'slut bloggers' is to be strangely at the forefront of our generation's feminist movement. No one blinks if women writhe around in flimsy clothes, and being "sexy" is seen as somehow empowering. It's still a completely radical thought that women is sexy because she, gasp, likes sex. 'Look sexy, but don't be sexy' is the message women have today. In the practical sense, it makes it hard for women like us to find men. For instance, a friend of mine met a man through nerve.com and both had "play" listed in their profiles. After 3 weeks of no-strings-attached sex with my very anti-monogamy friend, the man wrote her a long letter about how he wasn't looking for a serious relationship. This is an educated New Yorker, and he couldn't believe that he met a woman who enjoyed sex. It had to be that she was a 'sad slut' who was using sex to 'desperately trap him in a relationship'.
RON JEREMY, PORN STAR
Age: Oh you’re heartless. What a way to start. I feel like I’m in my 30’s but I’m 55.
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
City: Los Angeles, CA
Professional Life: Actor/comedian/lecturer.
Relationship Status: Well I just met you honey! I’d say my relationship status is…interesting. I had a girlfriend for 3 1/2 years and now she is my best friend. We’ve split but we have joint custody of the turtle. So I don’t say ex-girlfriend, I say “mother of turtle.”
How do you wish sex were different, given your personal and professional experiences? I wish women would communicate more in terms of what they like. They’ll tell their best friend, their hairdresser…TELL US! We’re the guys that are in there! Men like a little direction. They want to give the girl the best time possible. I’m not saying act like a drill sargeant, “Get that thing up! Get that purple-helmeted soldier at attention!” But you know, in a gentle way. Men love that, they LOVE that.
Has your work ever put you in a situation were you were uncomfortable, or felt you’d gone beyond your personal sexual boundaries? You know, the 15 girls scene was probably just that. That was a real test. I had to really pace myself and internalize and not climax too soon. I was very proud of myself--I did it, I did the pop shot. Even the owner of the company came down to offer me a Viagra. I said, “Nope. Not gonna do it. I’m doing it a capella, gonna see if I can do it. But don’t go too far with that Viagra!” But you know, I did it! I was so proud of myself. There were ups and downs to it. Literally. It’s not what you’d consider fun.
Has your work ever pushed you to expand your sexual comfort zone? A little. I was never into B&D or S&M. But I directed the John Bobbitt movie, and then they wanted me and John to do a movie together and I said what the hell, I’ll do it. And it was just so comical. Watching us fall down, get banged. Once they wanted me to suck on a dildo and I wouldn’t do it ‘cause I hate dick, so I faked it. It looked more comical than anything else. I had to crawl on the ground with a leash. I did a lot of things I’d never done before, because I’ve never been into that world. There’s nothing wrong with that world, but that was something past my comfort level. But other than that, porn can be uncomfortable anyway. You’re doing a scene, you’re not really in the mood, you’ve got problems with your family or a breakup. Uncomfortable locations, like I said. Crazy outfits. Once they wanted me to be a little more mean. I more white bread- I’m not one of the kinkier performers. They wanted me to be a little rougher on the girl, you know, spit on her or pull her hair. I wasn’t really good at that. That was kind of uncomfortable for me.
Fashion-Crashing Guidelines
10 Secrets for Getting Into Fashion Week Afterparties
by Zachery Palmer
1. Know who is DJ’ing. Start going to their weekly parties tonight. At their own parties, New York DJs are very accessible. Become friends with them (but don’t be sycophantic). Try to sync up with them: eat dinner at the same time, go to bed at the same time. Women: will your cycles to match theirs, and you may find yourself waiting on line just as they are making an entrance. Make sure they see you, and you might get swept inside along with their entourage.
2. Show up alone. Of course, make friends with the people in front of you. One of them might be able to help you out, either because of who they are or because no doorman wants to deal with everyone in the line banding together with cries of “let him in, let him in.” Also, you might be able to get some freelance work from the editor behind you.
3. It seems like a long shot, but if the curbside synchronicity is there, pull a DIY house-show courtesy move and offer to help carry an amp, er, crate of records (er, case of CDs). Carrying something heavy is always a good credibility-builder and crowd-parter. My favorite last resort is to chase down the DJ and tell them how much coverage that you are going to give them in a forthcoming issue of The L Magazine.
4. Very simply, know which line is which: pay attention to the door staff as they explain which line is guest list only, on-call, etc.
5. Do not try to skip the line. Independent of the fact that this is a red flag, if you are not on the list, the least you can do is wait (bring this feature along with you to memorize as you do so). The trick here happens before you approach: feel out the line from across the street. Approach from the side opposite the line/the shorter line. That way you have to pass by the door staff on your way to the back of the line. Perhaps there will be either a moment of recognition or a panicked scream of, “I need his look in here, now!”
6. If the doors have not yet opened, and you recognize a familiar face on the door staff, ask if there is anything you can do to help out. On the night of Courtney Love’s Cheeky Bastard performance, I (fireguard license in hand) cleared the street, repeating some form of the following, “Hi, I love you and do not want for you to get run over, also, if the cops come and see you all standing here, the party will be shut down.”
7. Once the doors open, be prepared with your reason for being allowed in without being on a list. Know who you’re talking to, do not tell the doorman you’re on so-and-so’s list only to have him explain that it is he who is so-and-so. You should know some trivia about the DJs, performers and designer. The door staff has better things to do than quiz you, but throwing out a random fact might add authenticity to your #1 Fan foam finger.
8. Your buddy inside cannot get you in and if he has not already put you on a list, he does not have a list. Save your breath. Speaking of not lying: tell the truth throughout, about your age and connections. Even if you are no one, being caught in the truth always goes further than being caught in a lie and being told to leave the line.
9. If you do make it in, you will immediately find yourself among the anonymous, unrecognizable proletariat. The VIP area is your next target. Either make friends with the bouncer (in advance) or find the party’s host. After explaining who I was at the 2006 F/W Heatherette party, Susanne Bartsch (while money fell from the ceiling) handed me a VIP wrist band.
10. All of the tragicomedy and drama aside, a Fashion Week party is not a movie. Going home, putting on a disguise and coming back is not going to fool anyone. Going home, changing into something fabulous and coming back… well, maybe.
Three Questions for Stylish New Yorkers
1. Is the hipster dead?
2. Where’s the best place in New York to spot real trend-setters?
3. What’s the most fabulous fashion item you’ve ever worn or owned?
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MICHAEL T.
Terrifically fond of cowboy boots, Michael T. is a legendary promoter-DJ whose more infamous current projects include: Rated X: The Panty Party (on hiatus until September) and Motherfucker.
1. Yes, the hipster is dead, the few that remain are “undead” like zombies. Although instead of eating your flesh they eat up your drink tickets and guest list... vile creatures.
2. In a photo, from 1979 and before. Clearly there is no “trend setting” in New York these days. Have you seen the “fashion of the youth”? Headbands and hanging belts... pathetic!
3. Well, I own several fabulous items, my dear. However, if I don’t own it, trust me, it’s not that fabulous.
SOPHIA LAMAR
Transsexual nightlife, fashion, music and film-theater diva, prolific beyond belief, Lamar is a Renaissance man-turned-woman.
1. No. What is dead is the term “hipster.” People think that emos, bike messengers, postpunks, rockers, nerds and everybody they do not look like is a hipster.
2. At the Misshapes party — that’s where fashion editors go for inspiration.
3. That is hard for me to answer. I have a lot of “fabulous” items, but sometimes I feel fabulous with just a piece of fabric around me. Fabulous is a state of mind.
MISS GUY
DJ and lead singer of the Toilet Boys, see Miss Guy at The Factory (Tuesdays at Lotus).
1. Let’s hope so.
2. On the street. ALWAYS!
3. Sprouse or Westwood. The two greatest designers ever!
SEAN FIGHTCATS!
Along with S.Valentine, Sean Fightcats! is one third of the Ruff Kids, while, in his own right, he is pushing the t-shirt toward couture-notability.
1. No, I saw him in front of Cake Shop, thinking it was Williamsburg.
2. Suite Orchard, at Orchard and Rivington.
3. A t-shirt.
BRION ISAACS
Drummer for 33hz and co-founder/producer of Shindig!, Brion has a motorcycle in his apartment, so we hear.
1. The hipster is a general word I never liked. There is the lame thirty-something hipster, the indie-rock hipster, the Misshapes hipster, etc. Every single person fits into some label one way or another and there is no way of escaping it. To ask if the “hipster” is dead is like asking if the frat boy is dead — and we both know that he will be with us till the last kegstand.
2. Shindig or a 33hz show.
3. Frank Sinatra’s fedora, though I don’t actually wear it, it just sits on my dresser.
ANDY SHAW
Promoter extraordinaire, he is the man behind Shaw Promotion; it is he (and his street team) who hands you event fliers every night of the week.
1. Nothing ever really dies in New York. Things just evolve and morph into something else. The term “hipster” has been so overused and abused that it has pretty much lost its original meaning and been replaced with a general broad description of a certain demographic. But it’s like a joke now — no hipsters will admit that they are hipsters. Cuz after all, who likes to be categorized… and I don’t believe most of the people even know what a real “hipster” is anymore. Is the hipster dead? No. It’s greater than ever but in different forms and definitions and most people are one. Everyone likes to be hip on some level or another.
2. I sometimes have a hard time telling the difference between trend setters, posers and cheese balls. In terms of fashion, I guess all the usual places, downtown and Williamsburg. But in terms of the real deal, it’s the people who spent enough quality time on their own, discovering, creating and inventing things. Some of the greatest minds I have met weren’t anyone popular, or even cared to be. But NYC is the place.
3. I’m a practical guy. I don’t know or care to wear the most fabulous fashion items, but I do carry more shit than most on my belt: an Elvis Presley pocketknife, a camera, and, the most useful thing I have ever carried, a flashlight — all on my belt. I use all three all the time. Another “fabulous fashion item” I own, I guess, is my Triumph motorcycle. But again, it’s practical. It’s my ride and I get everywhere in ten minutes. Subway’s for suckers.
CHRIS ROVZAR
Onetime Daily News gossip guru, now Online Editor of NYMag.com
1. My boyfriend lives on Ludlow and Rivington, and the kids there seems to be sort of overdone — as though someone had a big Halloween street party and told everyone to dress as a hipster. I guess that’s one sign of the demise of the genre, but Nantucket has been around for years and preppy somehow isn’t dead. So who knows? Also — I think the Misshapes Retrospective book that’s coming out pretty much says the party’s over.
2. I think the real place to see trendsetters is in Nolita, where people dress up to go shopping. It’s always a mix of high and low fashion. Anything more gritty makes me want to shower.
3. I have this amazing black-and-red checkered barncoat from LL Bean circa 1978. I’m pretty sure not one single person in the city has one like it. Suffice to say, I never wear it.
REBECCA TURBOW
Owner of the clothing line Safe by Rebecca Turbow
1. I don’t think so. Not yet anyway.
2. I guess that would still be Williamsburg and the Lower East Side.
3. I can’t think of just one thing. My white knee high Sigerson Morrison boots are pretty fabulous. It’s hard to find a good pair of white boots.
ELISE CHANG
Currently employed by the illustrious Andy Warhol Foundation
1. Like the living dead!
2. Quiet streets on bright days.
3. Red, white and blue Nike Airs.
RACHEL FELDER
Fashion and beauty writer extraordinaire
1. Hipsters are alive and well. After a summer of European festival hopping and relaxing in Cornwall and Majorca, they’ll be back soon.
2. Inside their rent stabilized sublets, or on their occasional trips out to the Red Hook Ball Fields, Jeffrey New York, art galleries in Chelsea, Salvor Kiosk, or to JFK to wait for a flight to Marfa, Mexico City, or Mumbai.
3. The most fabulous fashion item: My mother’s Emilio Pucci cotton shift, purchased at Saks Fifth Avenue circa 1966: it still looks great and is worth every high-end dry cleaning bill it takes to keep it that way.
S. VALENTINE
T-shirt designer and, along with Sean Fightcats!, one-third of the Ruff Kids, S.Valentine drinks straight from the bottle.
1. I’m hungry, I just ate too much Chinese food. I’m so high. Jesus. POT COOOKIES! Hipsters dead? Huh?? I want fooood, not dead hipsters.
2. Ask me where I’ll be later on.
3. She was blond.
Party Tracker: Blonde on Blonde
by Zachary Palmer
Lonely and looking for something to do, tired of feeling like you are stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again? Don your Lonsdale and your leopard-skin pill-box hat and dance to a Captain Arab-arabesque, one which turns Jayne and Mansfield into visions of Johanna. International flaxen-haired DJing duo Lady Bree and Miss Harry Flowers--visions of beauty in a DJ booth, Sharon st"One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)"-styled femme fatales behind the ones and twos--spin rock 'n' roll, garage, punk, girl groups, glam, indie and shoegaze. Keeping rap to another red riding 'hood, these residents-as-Rapunzels keep the sleeping residents of their parties' hoods asking themselves "ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying' to be so quiet?" Their bombshells of hits create a Rainy Day Women #12 & #35-24-36 measurements of 33 1/3 rotations per minute which has me all right with you pledging my time to them.
Putting the Absolut in absolutely sweet Marie, Erik and nikkisneakers pour the poisons that keep you tumbling about just like a mattress balances on a bottle of wine.
Whether this is your first or fourth time around the block, find a sad eyed lady of the lowlands and tell her I want you, when the blonde bombshell blows up in your face run to your buddies complaining of her being just like a woman--a Jean Harlow-looking hall of mirrors.
Have a drink for courage, then find yourself nearly-invincible--temporary like Achilles--on the dance floor, surrounded by Marilyn Monroe-fashioned "Why, Chanel No. 5, of course" strange bedfellows, obviously 5 believers all. Come some time between 3:30 and 4am, mostly likely you'll go your way (and I'll go mine).
And now, the feature using all of the words which can be made from Blonde:
On Sunday and Wednesday nights instead of nodding off in your bed, be all you can be by making your body bend in dance and drink at Blonde on Blonde--a party which refuses to blend in, where your DJs Lady Bree and Miss Harry Flowers blend rock 'n' roll, garage, punk, girl groups, glam, indie and shoegaze. If you have made bold moves and managed to neither have bled out from a dance-related broken bone nor have run into some girl who you once boned, nights out such as these bode well for your week.
Put down the bole, don some duds and take out your deb (as in, debutante) for a night out on the town and away from your apartment above a crack den, to spots where music plays at various levels of bel. Dole out for your blonde and do whatever your doe-eyed beauty wants done in the ebon corners that resemble the dungeons of eld.
En-dash out for a night that will not be done before amateur enol turns into a marriage annuled. Your DJs have spent an eon or so in front of their LED-lit mixing boards spinning Led Zeppelin, and lo and behold they lend their talents to your left and right ear lobe, lob your keys to your designated driver blond Ben (better yet, take either the El--the J,M,Z--or L trains), lobed to hear when you have had too much. Knowing that these venues are a lode of debauchery, do not be a lone dancer. Neb and hands-outstretched, do not say no to any noble offers, just nod yes to a node (as in, intersecting/connecting!), and find yourself in a cheer usually found around Noel. Beware the od and bond of women, and be careful not to O.D. We do not want to have to sing an ode to your memory until you are very old. I have gone on too long, this has to end.
Blonde on Blonde
Sundays at Lit, Wednesday at Hugs
10:30pm, FREE
93 Second Ave, between E 5th and E 6th Sts
108 N 6th St, between Berry St and Wythe Ave
Post-Pride Recovery Guide
By Zachary Palmer
Whether you’re relaxing out on the Island or had to schlep through that week-long hangover in the city, here’s a Pride Flag spectrum’s worth of solutions and serums to get you back to radiating for the rest of the summer.
Do your face a long-overdue, positive nighttime favor for once with Bare Escentual's RareMinerals Skin Revival Treatment. Composed of 72 organic macro and micro minerals in a rare, 100% pure organic mineral soil concentrate, the powder delivers firmer, smoother, brighter and healthier skin by morning. Continue the radiance during the day with bareVitamins Skin Rev-er Upper, an invisible multi-vitamin complex designed to be applied under moisterizer that re-energizes and rejuvenates your complexion and smooths out the skin's surface. ($60 and $21 at Sephora; sephora.com)
Despite being popular at hipster costume parties, the zombie look is not a good one. The first cosmetic application based on a surgical discovery, the Talika Eye Therapy Patch contains a patented polymer gel with collagen structure-increasing ceramides-which is another way to say its botanical extracts and essential oils are clinically proven to reduce wrinkles and dark, saggy skin in just one use. And since it's a patch rather than a cream, it's free of preservatives, fragrances and texture-enhancing chemicals-unlike last weekend's party marathon. ($58 with case, $50 refills available at Bigelow; skinstore.com)
Boasting natural flavors, zero sugar, sodium or caffeine (except for the Energize blend), only a few calories and loads of antioxidants, airforce Nutrisoda looks like a soda and works like a spa. Best of all, its eight flavors (Immune, Calm, Focus, Flex, Energize, Radiant, Slender and Renew) mix well with booze for your favorite hair o' the dog treatment. ($3 at the corner deli; nutrisoda.com). Pair it with Russia's SV Silk Vodka and relive last week's Dr. Zhivago-esque go-go dancing. At the 2006 International Review of Spirits tasting competition, the vodka was described as “finishing with a long, sweet cream and mineral fade. Excellent balance, smoothness and length.” Sounds oddly similar to those post-Pride war and whore stories. (svvodka.com)
Pride got you tired? (If not, you weren't trying!) Since a midday nap at your desk is no good, say hello to Yelo. Perfect for a power nap either before or after a power lunch (or before a Hellsea bar crawl), this hyper-modern center features spa-like YeloCabs and YeloChairs to regain sapped energy in 20- and 40-minute intervals. Licensed reflexology therapists optional. ($12–$24; 315 W 57th St, 212-245-8235, yelonyc.com)
A week of raised fists, Jack and Cokes, coke and jacks, and boys named Jack, too, Jack Black Industrial Strength Hand Healer restores even the most partied-out palms. Eucalyptus and vitamins A and E heal cracked hands while moisturizers and conditioners take on calluses, ugly cuticles and damage to elbows, feet and, um, knees. ($14 available at Sephora; getjackblack.com)
After a week of debauchery under the sun, not even a darkened club is going to help hide that sun damage. To fight those sun-caused wrinkles while regenerating skin, Orlane Paris' Anti-Wrinkle Sun Serum neutralizes free radicals and imbues a stimulating firmness not seen since that Pride-night tryst. Whether your day ends at dawn or dusk, it's perfect either before or after exposure. ($135 at Saks Fifth Avenue; orlaneparis.com)
After spending too much time on your feet-or on your back- Mensgroom Sore No More muscle cool down lotion helps sooth the kinks that pulled you out of joint. After a workout (whatever that may mean to you), simply massage the quick-drying gel onto your sore areas and let the menthol, aloe and mannetake mushroom extracts do their work. ($24; mens-groom.com)
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