Complete thelmagazine.com Blog Postings

Weekend Update

CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, July 15

* Rated x, The Panty Party, at Luke and Leroy (21 Seventh Ave S, at Leroy St) 10pm, $10.
Tonight, your guest DJs are Eamon Harkin (Calling All Kids) and Cowboy Mark, and host Duch is looking forward to many naked cowboys at the 2:30am Hot Body Contest. Take it off and you could take home $100 if MC Peppermint Gummybear and the audience think you have what it takes. This week's a birthday party bonanza, put on your cowboy boots and prepare to horse-straddle Tom Tom, Chris Kling and 5 more birthday boys and girls. Back in February, Theo and Michael T. hosted my party, so I know how well they know how to throw a birthday bash.

* Robot Rock, at Movida (28 Seventh Ave S, at Leroy St), 10pm, $10/5.
There is a long and glorious tradition of me proposing to E Frank on this blog, and I am thrilled to pieces that she wrote me (on myspace, no less) to tell me she is guesting, along with Rafael of Supersystem, tonight's party. While Alex English spins robot rock, dance rock, rock 'n' roll, new wave and electro, you might find Eazy-E Frank and me, Z, tearing it up on the dance floor like we were straight outta Compton. Show up early for the 10 to 11pm open bar/Thom Yorke listening party, drop either Dimitry or Nico XO's name at the door. For guestlist, go here.



Sunday, July 16

* GBH Sunday Rooftop Party, at BED (530 W 27th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 2pm, Free on guestlist.
Cocktails get poured at 2pm, and the party goes until after sundown (yes, not sunrise). Between 4 and 7pm, the GBH folks are hosting the 2nd Annual Detny Blue and White Party. This is your white-in-the-face, blue-streak-of-excitement chance to see a preview of Detny's fall/holiday 2006 show collection. There'll be comp'ed Stoli blueberry snow-cones and Choya cocktails, along with gift bags, wading pools and beach balls. For more information, and to put yourself on the guestlist, click on this. this.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES



* Le One Night Stand, at Hiro Ballroom (The Maritime Hotel, 363 W 16th St, at Ninth Ave), 9pm, $10 before 11pm; Free after 11pm.
RUSH out to tonight's Bastille Day celebration, it's going to be Victor Hugo-huge and a Napoleon-Dynamite! time. Your hosts Amylu and Andy Shaw (of Shaw Promotion), Melody Nelson, and Sheila B need to earn some bread, so they are charging you to hear band Nous Non Plus and special guests; but they want you to eat cake – or, at least, enjoy the sweetness of guillotine go-go girls, lollipops and giveaways! Your DJs are Josh Styles and Peppermintwist (of Smashed! Blocked!), members of Les Handclaps (from Montreal) and Melody Nelson (of Calling All Kids) will spin a twist-sensation of international pop, rock 'n' roll and ye-ye.

* RockEM SockEM, at Otto's Shrunken Head (458 E 14 St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
Tonight, DJ UltraV and Omega celebrate 2 years of rocking your socks off, and, um, socking you in the rocks? Guest DJ Edwin will be spinning a five-pointed-(War! What is it Good For?)-star of electro and dance hits. Bands Rocket Surgury, Fantom Frequency and The Kiss-Off will play rock 'n' roll for sweaty-socked dancers. In honor of the party's 2-year anniversary, and the near-palindrome of a venue, a palindrome: Anna: "Did Otto peep?" Otto: "Did Anna?"

* White Lightning!, at Home Sweet Home (131 Chrystie street, between Delancey and Broome Sts), 10pm, Free.
The Venue sounds like a Motley Crue song, and the DJs are certainly a crew-cut away from hardcore-inspired, theatre of pain dancemoves. This week, your DJs are Disco D (Booty Bar, producer for 50 Cent and Trick Daddy) and The Captain (Cut, Dirty Down, Mad Suspect). White Lighting is Lauren Flax's new party, tonight's going to be a motley mix of disco and energy drinks, with the DJ-crew rowing a row of beats, and the partiers in a row of dancing.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Fag Machine, at Boys Room (Ave A, at 13th St),10pm, Free.
I'm not entirely certain of what is happening here, so I'll write this party up as delicately as possible. Essentially, there is more text on the Warning: No Minors sign on the doors of Christopher St fetish shops than there is on the flier I saw for this new weekly. From what I can tell, DJs Gaylord Battles and Poofter Product S (aka Spencer Product) will be limpwrist-crossfading and wearing lead boots to keep from flying up into the rafters while they spin (quoted from e-flier) "gay ass music for gay ass people." This week's "Fag of the Week" (again, I am taking this from the flier), is Yonas. Birthday-or-otherwise spankings are welcome.

* Something Tight, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Eldridge and Forsyth Sts), 10pm, Free.
mp3js Telfar and Timmy'll be behind the DJ booth doing clapping games and trying to avoid contracting the clap at this special edition block party. Bring your sidewalk chalk, jacks, teeny shorts, and your, um, marbles for this twice-monthly gay dance party. Get ready for Chinese jumprope, Double Dutch and hopscotch (and soda) competitions... and none of those are euphemisms. At 1am, everyone gets free ice cream and popsicles. Work a look, there will be a special prize awarded for best Double Dutch outfit/performance.

* Cheeky B*stard, at Hiro Ballroom (the Maritime Hotel, 363 16th St, at Ninth Ave), 10pm, Free.
I don't think it's any secret that I listen to OK Computer just about every day, and it's certainly no geologically timed, every-4-billion-years surprise for me to be talking about Siamese Dream. Tuesday night, on my way home from Lit, I ran into James Iha and asked him if he needed any help with his groceries, not even considering that this would lead me to his apartment. I see him everywhere, and I told him so. He had no idea who I was, but, like a dream we are connected, Siamese twins at the wrist. Tonight, see if Thom Yorke will let you carry his groceries home at this, his CD release party for The Eraser. Your guest DJs are Druzzi and Mattie (The Rapture/HUSHHUSH), with residents Peter Makebish and Alex English. Email alejandro@gbh.tv for guestlist.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* "I Want to Dance Better at Parties" After-party, at Level V (675 Hudson St, at 14th St), 9:30pm, Free.
If last night's metal mayhem-inspired college flashback was not enough, I first heard about this L-sponsored event from a friend from school. It's a party "from the minds of The L Magazine and The Joyce Theatre," and free Carlsberg beer starting at 9:30pm sounds pretty brilliant. The dancers of Chunky Move will perform, and there'll be a spontaneous performance by Pilobolus. A concern: adding professional dancers to alcohol-induced wanting-to-dance-betterdom might not be the best way to boost egos. RSVP to danceparty@thelmagazine.com.

* Mixtape Riot, at Soho 323 (323 W Broadway, between Grand and Canal Sts), 10pm, $5.
Fiona Bloom fuses the elements of this monthly into an ions-reacting, blooming-mushroom-cloud of a party. A tight nucleus of DJs and bands, these pro-fessional partiers will drop a ton of Beryllium-beats on you tonight. The atomic number 4 stands for the 4 turntables shared by 2 DJs spinning a syncopated mix of a capellas and instrumentals. Your DJs are Capt. Planet and DJ O., host UtKarsh invites you to stay up past your bedtime with performers/bands Maya Azucena, LB (a 13-year-old rapper, and certainly out later than he should be), Crown Troupe and Sky Hy.

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
So, I was on the train today and this sports page newspaper headline read "Shea it Ain't So." Congratulations, Weezer, you get to be relevant. Maybe I hate vowels, love license-plate-like spellings, or find DJs Shandi (whose bottle is ready to blow), Will (whose drug is a heartbreaker) and Mike Dextro (whose love is a lifetaker) endearing enough to write about this party every week. Really, though, hostess Shea keeps me informed, and her name is so malleable (license-plate reference totally intended). Tonight's guest is Patrick, who'll be spinning electro, 80s and progressive house in a way that is a waterslide away from me that takes you further everyday.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* La Alta, at Aspen (30 W 22nd St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), 8pm to 1am, Free.
It's not yet hump day, and you might need some help getting up to the summit of your work week. Snow-blow off some pent-up steam with a night of classic soul, house and funk. It's devastatingly hot; come out and sweat in an ski resort-like environment. Make sure you take plenty of breaths to deal with the low bass and high altitude, work a look and bring plenty of, um, alta-tude.

* Trailer Trash Tuesdays, at Route 85a (85 Ave A, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm, Free.
After an afternoon of Union Square sunning, bring your rednecks to a trailer-up-on-cement-block(s) party. American Apparel overalls on, hosts Alex Polushkin and Jason Ultra (maybe the loudest person I have met in a very long and, otherwise, quiet time) are super-excited about strip solitaire. Your DJs are Mike Nouveau and Antonio, and swinging out on the stack-of-tires-swing is go-go baby Sinead. When the Trailer Trash Queen beauty contest starts at 2am, be sure to have your high-waters on for foot-stomping, and your mouth clear of dip for whistling.

* Skeletonwitch, with Hearts of Darkness, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 9pm.
If All Tonight's Parties does not show up tomorrow, it's because I'm in a full-body cast after tonight's show from the self-proclaimed "Sons of Mid-Western Darkness". They sound like Bay-area thrash and NWOBHM, with elements of black and Viking metal. (Years ago I practiced a few times as a singer for them, but my voice was too low, and earned me the nickname Thunderlungs). Not really a dance party, but I will dance harder tonight than I will all year, and I've been waiting for this show since I graduated. I still have a T-shirt with a footprint I received in a 2004 circlepit.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Karaoke Killed the Cat/Shandi Spins 80s, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 8/10pm, Free.
Kooky karaoke crooners and lovers of alliteration mingle in merriment at Mr. Mattcoats and Chris Goldteeth's Monday night Nordic Track exercise in opulence. This party presents a place for the personalities of quiescent kids to reach their character roles on a stage where they are able to be seen. At 8pm, Shandi Sullivan spins tracks and tunes from the ubiquitous memory of still un-vanquished Cold War-era proms. Songs with wa-wa pedals, xylophones and Bananarama-yellow. Love, Zachary.

* Les Paul, at Iridium Jazz Club (1650 Broadway, at 51st St), 8pm, $35 dollars.
I'm posting this in full cognition that this is not really a "party," but I'm sad to see that rock 'n' roll and dance parties are growing apart and this is my first step in a nightlife-blog initiative to stop that. I've not seen crowdsurfing, stagediving or a mosh pit in months, and parties that once were chaotic are being replaced with watered-down pop and watered-down drinks. Maybe a music-and-nightlife post is in order, starting at the roots of electric rock 'n' roll. As for the event, the energy in the air is as tight as a guitar string, and air guitar champions and acoustic crooners alike pack this place every Monday with their ears turned and tuned to hear the legendary guitar player and his trio.

* Metropol, at RiFiFi/Cinema Classics (332 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm, Free with one drink.
Tonight, Dead Alive (the unrated version, aka Brain Dead) plays in the backroom while Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" plays in the front room, where, for the sake of the party, a strict 1-drink minimum is in effect. The movie is Peter Jackson's mother-and-son slasher flick that pick-axes up where Norman Bates' "A boy's best friend is his mother" left off. Sometimes I sleep, but (after horror films), sometimes it's not for days. Bring your six-shooter for the rolling heads, bring your loaded six string for the rock 'n' roll. Now, a video preview:


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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, July 8

* Nacotheque!, at Kion (509 E 6th St, between Aves A and B), 11pm, $5.
The kids will be nacotheque-ing up early, and maybe they'll have nacot(s)heque set up, Madrid-hostel style, if things go too late. Speaking of saccharine puns, last night I had little Stuart Murdoch whispering in my ear. My sister was at the Belle and Sebastian (with the Los Angeles Philharmonic) show in LA and called me so that I might hear what sounded like a synthesizer-and-vocoder-driven B&S cover band. Tonight, your hosts and resident DJs are Marcelo Cunning and Amylulita. Arriba: indie, Britpop, electro (ingles). Abajo: rock, pop, cumbia (espanol). For free admission, RSVP to nacotheque@gmail.com.

* The Look, in the basement of Tribeca Grand (2 Sixth Ave, between White and Walker Sts), 10pm, Free.
The Look is back, and look-ing better than ever. Live band Sonoma Aero (at 10:30pm) will get you spirits flying high before The Mr. Move CD release show (at midnight) gets you moving. Tonight's theme is Naughty Nighttime, and Shannon (MILF records), Timmy T and Tommy Moye are the guest DJs. When hostess Chase joins you on the dancefloor, she wants to see you in lace, ribbons, corsets, heels, feathers, beads, ruffles (breath) and all things sheer.

* Update: Tonight, in East Bushwick, there is a loft party. Allegedly, it will be the last of it's kind. It might be a good way to do the New York scene in one night: Manhattan-based DJs, in a Brooklyn loft, with some queens and Merlin Bronques taking pictures.

Sunday, July 9

* GBH Sunday Rooftop Party, at BED (530 W 27th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 1pm, Free with RSVP.
After Mike Conklin and Jonny "Ti' Jean" Diamond's posts about sports, I figured that I would turn the blog into a 1-sided 3-on-3 game of sports-related posts. This afternoon, come lounge around on beds, eat brunch, and drink cocktails as house music plays during a time that it surely never should: in the daylight hours. At 2pm, take a break from the roofdeck and head down to the sixth floor loft to watch the World Cup Championship Game between France and Italy. To RSVP, email bed@gbh.tv with your name and number of guests.

* hot tub, at Studio B (259 Banker St, between Calyer St and Meserole Ave), 8pm-ish, Free.
hot tub is the official afterparty for this summer's free POol PARTIES. This Sunday from 2 to 8pm, Ice Cream Man and Stereogum present Les Savy Fav, Beans with Holy Fuck, Dragons of Zynth, Proton Proton and DJs Finger on the Pulse. After spending the afternoon in the refurbished ex-ruins of the 50,000 foot community pool, spend time at Greenpoint's newest hot spot. hot tub starts immediately after Les Savy Fav, and this weekend will feature band Foreign Island and DJs (from the Singles Going Steady party) Nate Turbow, Mark Ryan (of Foreign Islands) and Damien, along with guest DJ Gina Bon Jersey. I might be water-noodle-beat into doing security work for the VIP room, start ingratiating yourself with me now.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Complacent Nation vs. Emergency, in the gallery space at Holasek Weir Projects (547 W 21st St, at Eleventh Ave), 9pm, $10 (suggested donation).
Thomas Beale, Complacent Nation, Emergency Arts, TheDanger.com and the Miss Rockaway Armada are throwing a benefit party for Emergency, "a collective of artists responding to environmental and political crises in society." Featuring a broad range of performances, and large-scale sculpture; the details are equally epic (forgive the contradiction). After the live performances, DJs $mall (c)hange, Darya Roquette, Gopal and Johny B. will spin world beats and eclectic dance. Money raised goes toward the construction of a 40,000 sqft. studio work space.

* Fridays at Kama, at Kama (55 W 21st St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), 10PM, girls free till 1am with RSVP, reduced after; boys $10 till midnight, reduced after with RSVP.
Tonight's grand opening of Kama, whose dresscode is upscale and trendy, but on the sexy side, will have business-by-day-and-party-by-night chameleons singing "kama kama kama!" LatinLime.com's DJ Spontaneous'll be spinning hip-hop, reggaeton, salsa, merengue, reggae, bachata, house and more. Now that the workweek is over, do your best Vatsyayana impression by studying human sexual behavior and the science of love. Coincidentally, that is all I do on dancefloors. RSVP at LatinLime.com.

* White Lightning!, at Home Sweet Home (131 Chrystie street, between Delancey and Broome Sts), 10pm, Free.
In 1967, after a night of drug abuse, Lou Reed went outside in the early-morning and experienced "white light/white heat." Later that year, over the course of 2 days, The Velvet Underground recorded the album of the same name. Sometime recently, Louisahhhh named her bicycle White Lightening. Tonight, come to the premiere of White Lightning!, and the preview of the not-yet-opened Home Sweet Home. Your first-rate DJs are Kimyon and E Frank, the latter of whom is still curled up on her family's livingroom couch, having "a tenth-rate nervous breakdown."


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Cheeky B*stard, at Hiro Ballroom (at the Maritime Hotel, 363 W 16th St and Ninth Ave), 10pm, Free.
With Sean Fightcats! And S. Valentine DJing, there is a very real possibility that the gloriously decorated Hiro Ballroom will be positively destroyed, with more crashed-down chandeliers than a national tour of Phantom of the Opera. Your resident DJs are Alex English and Peter Makebish, who'll play dance-rock and post-candelabra filament electro. For free admission, mention either May or Dimitry.

* Even Further, at Happy Valley (14 E 27th St, between Fifth and Madison Aves), 10pm, $5.
Most everyone knows that my favorite book is one by J.D. Salinger. I wonder if tonight's guest DJ E. Frank (Ellen Francis) would be all right with marrying me so we can be Franny and Zooey. If she will not, then maybe co-guest DJ Lauren Flax will fall for my freshly self-cut flaxen locks. Come by and celebrate Nicky Digital's birthday, he's The L's nightlife photographer; this may be your chance to appear on the nightlife photo page.

* Kill Your Idols Eve-of-Release Party, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm, Free.
An amalgamation and contradiction of the Kill Your Television bumper sticker and Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain's Please Kill Me, this documentary of "New York No Wave and those who followed" invites you to sit down in front of a screen and not read. Tonight, turning amalgamation documentaries into arabesque-filled dancing, give up your books and the So You Think You Can Dance results show for a release party featuring an 11pm guest DJ set by director S.A. Crary. At midnight, get cra-cra during Services live show. Also: movie ticket, CD and DVD giveaways from Palm Pictures.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Calling All Kids, at Sapphire (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm, Free.
Tonight, hosts/DJs Eamon Harkin and Melody Nelson, and hosts GBH are putting together a dance-jam-packed night with a snowball fight's worth of packing-snow-tight hits. It's raining like spring, and it is certainly summertime hot, come out and drench yourself with sweat. This is the official afterparty for The Rakes Bowery Ballroom show, and the children at CAK are raking in the critic's accolades like Billie Holiday did on the release of "Autumn in New York." Joining The Rakes are the members of Every Move a Picture: right on time for your portrait for the high school annual.

* Slurp, at The Cock (29 Second Ave, at Second St), 10pm, $5.
Now that it's pouring rain and the annual Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest is over, it's time to slurp down a few real hot dogs at DJs Telfar and Michael Magnan's weekly it's-raining-men party. Hostess Linda Simpson invites you to enjoy a special live performance from Glen Marla (winner of the Miss Lez Pageant [Oh, and did anyone see that Les Miserables is coming back to Broadway?], while I invite you to mention Telfar's name at the door and get in for free before 11pm.

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
On the one-hundred-thirty-years-and-1-day anniversary of America, come down from your purple mountain majesties and Brooklyn lofts for hostess sea-to-shining-S[h]ea's 1-year anniversary of moving to New York. Drink cheap beers made of amber waves of grain, and girly, above-the-fruited-plain drinks. Shandi, the reigning princess of DJing, will be crowning thy good, and the resident brotherhood of Mike Dextro and Will Griggs will be spinning a spacious skies worth of electro, 80s and progressive house.


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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

For Saturday night, The L Magazine and Shaw Promotion are teaming up to provide your teeming energy an outlet: a chance for you to light up the downtown dance scene. We are giving away 2 guest-list spots each for 2 of Saturday night's biggest parties. In the future, the competition will be more creative, but how about this: You send me an essay, in 25 words or fewer (preferably in alliteration, and only one sentence) about why you should get to go either of the parties. Send it to zachary@thelmagazine.com as fast as your little fingers can type, seriously: with a quickness. Posthaste.

Saturday, July 1

* Rated X, The Panty Party, at Luke and Leroy (21 Seventh Ave S, at Leroy St), 10pm, $10; $5 with invite.
After last week's Sci-Fi Mutant Prom (note: two different links, warning: full-frontal), this week will be less Science Fiction and more chemistry-inspired friction. It's 4th of July weekend, so celebrate your freedoms with a fendom-inspired hot body contest. MC'ed by Peppermint Gummybear, win $100 if you show your stars and stripes. DJs Jess, Dirty Jean and Zach guest, and Jai Dee Valentine and Mike Nouveau host. For 2-for-1 drinks all night, check your pants at coatcheck.

* Tiswas 2.0, at The Annex (152 Orchard St, between Rivington and Stanton Sts), 10pm, $5.
Someone started a rumor, and it's been echoing all over town, that if you bring your lips like sugar, you'll be repaid tonight with sugar kisses. This is the official Echo and the Bunnymen afterparty, residents Nick Marc and Spiky Phil will be joined by founding Bunnyman/guitarist Will Sergeant. Also, come out to catch the 11pm NY premier of LA-based band and runner-up of the name-your-band-after-a-John-Updike-novel Run Run Run.

Sunday, July 2

* GBH Sunday Rooftop Party, at Bed (530 W 27th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 2pm, Free with RSVP.
As if you were not going to spend enough time on Tuesday standing around on roofs, hanging out of windows, and squinting at bright specks lights: why not start with a daylight sun-spotting adventure with very different music than the Boston Pops in Bryant Park? At this rooftop party, DJs Angola, Tabu, Mac & Canino and Unknown People spin house, while brunch and cocktails will be available to avoid shingles. To RSVP visit gbhtv.com.

* Wass Family Gathering, at my Aunt Terry and Uncle Bob's house (Cincinnati, OH), sometime in the afternoon, no one ever arrives on time.
My family get-togethers are always a carnival, but today my kin are actually making funnel cakes. The boys are playing golf in the morning, and Dominoes and Coronas with the womenfolk starts at 2pm. For dinner, lobster tails and (for the sissies) steaks (the use of sissies courtesy my aunt). Oh, and there is a new baby, good little Abraham.
More from my aunt, via mass email:
"Hey, family - We're famous! Check out Zach's blog with all the exciting NYC nightlife and party reports -- The Wass Family Gathering has made the big time. Check out his July 1 update at www.thelmagazine.com. (Don't be shocked. This is the fast lane. The party listed after ours has an interesting name.) So, you better come early to get a parking spot. There's no telling how many are going to show up. Thanks for the plug, Zach!"

Monday, July 3

* Motherfucker, at Eugene (27 W 24th St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), 10pm, Varies (see website). In honor of our separation from the queen mother, MCs Misstress Formika and Peppermint Gummybear, and hosts Amanda Lepore and Moondust invite you to come dance. In the main room/Oval Office DJs Michael T., Justine D, and Audrey Melody Nelson will be fooling around with interns and playing rock 'n' roll, glam, punk and new wave. In the B-Side Lounge, Tim Sweeney and Dave P will be holding a press conference of electronic party jams. Downstairs, in the Make(love-not-war)Out room, the Soulpushers will be wagging the dog for you to wag your tails, especially with their midnight to 1am James Brown Hour. Tonight is the release party for Confessions from the Velvet Ropes: The Glamourous, Grueling Life of Thomas Onorato, New York's Top Club Doorman, by Glenn Belverio and Thomas Onorato; the first 50 guests will receive a copy. Dress: "stars and stripes looks, dead presidents, glitter, anything 18th century, firecracker accident victim, frilled foppy looks."

Tuesday, July 4

* As not only your nightlife editor, but a licensed fireguard, I suggest you read up on this before heading out tonight.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Hot Fuckin' Pink Presents: Ruff Club, at The Annex (152 Orchard St, between Rivington and Stanton Sts), 10pm, $5 (or RSVP).
The future is now at the Futureheads and French Kicks afterparty, and you should go even if I have to kick you in the seat of the pants. Tonight, residents Spencer Product, 24 Court, Denny Le Nimh and Micprobes treat you to a live performance from Autodrone, and a special secret guest (maybe Madonna won't show up like she didn't show up on Wednesday). Downstairs, listen to the Rolling Stones while drinking straight from a bottle of Jager with Sean Fightcats, S. Valentine and guest Mike Nouveau. RSVP to ruffclub@gmail.com. Yes, Mark posted about the Futureheads show, and there is a Voxtrot afterparty… but whatever?

* NewYorkFuckinCity, at Spider Club (47 W 20th St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), 10pm, Free with RSVP.
Celebrate our independence from our feud with England, and any serfdom therein, with a celebration of Serf's birthday. I am not entirely sure who that is, but he is somehow involved with NYfuckinCity, which is, even in name, a celebration of the First Amendment. Tonight, Nossa gets top billing (oh, capitalism) with Sujinho and cassiano, along with residents Hech and Ixl being joined by Tony Touch. RSVP to rsvp@1134nyc.com.

* The New Party Club, at 97 Wyckoff Ave (at Hart St, basement), 8:30pm, $5.
Handed down from Paul McMahon and Nancy Chunn, this new night is a reprise of The Party Club. A few decades later, the collaboration of art and music is alive, and is now in Brooklyn. With a lineup of bands that looks like Woodstock '94, TNPC is a DIY convention of a party that packs all the power of the '99 WTO protest, with none of the police lockdownage of Chicago '68. On a hot summer night, check out an event that is anything but medium cool.

Most importantly, happy anniversary NOW!


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Even Further at Happy Valley (14 E 27th St, between Madison and Fifth Aves), 10pm, Free.
West Coast DJ Steve Aoki has coasted into NY for a few days. Tonight, drop either Brendon James or Nico XO's name at the door for easy flow through the line and free admission. RSVP to partyline@dimmak.com.

* Hot Chip Release Party, at Hiro (at the Maritime Hotel, 16th St, at Ninth Ave), 10pm, Free.
Speaking of media platforms, tonight's party hosted by Astralwerks promises to be more of an adventure than digging through a crate of used-VHS cassettes or lost home movies, and full of patrons as gloriously dressed as Beta fish are shiny. Craig Pfunder and Mark Palgy of VHS or Beta are tonight's guest DJs. They, along with resident Alex English and guest Julie Twinkle, will play everything from electro to dance-rock, house and disco. In the Mezzanine Lounge, Peter Makebish and guest Michael T. will spin rock, new wave and hip-hop classics. For guest list, email your name and number of guests to alejandro@gbh.tv.

* 'Stache, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $5.
Waxing goth like it's the early-90s, Justine D will perform a stiff-upper-lip wax-job on resident DJs Tommy Hottpants and Zach that'll have the crowd of self-orphaned punks and drag queen milfs dancing. Featuring DJ sets of cock rock, fist-pumping anthems and bangers, prepare for Crass, Bauhaus and The Sisters of Mercy. Or, get ready to shake your ass, raise the roof off the house and plead for mercy. It's only the second week at 'Stache's new location, come out and prove that 14th St was too yuppie for these misfits.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Hey Suburbia, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 11pm, Free.
I've already told the story of how I met illustrator Cristy C. Road, but pretend I am your repeating-stories grandfather who lives out in the suburbs. She and I met in the middle of a Green Day's Dookie-inspired circle pit at 'Stache, or, rather, I introduced myself only after having picked her up and spun her around like a baby in a basket-case. Tonight and every Wednesday, she joins Zachy Kills for a night of punk rock madness and Paul An-[s]ka.

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St) 10pm, Free.
I rolled up here last week and had a forty-minute conversation with resident DJ Will Griggs about the previous evening's Frontline, and then had an epic-length, I-like-to-hear-myself-talk conversation with resident Mike Dextro's girlfriend about the band I am starting. Somewhere in there I interrupted a conversation between hostess Shea and resident Shandi. Maybe this week I will get some dancing in, for all my Wednesday-night mixer-ing about, they really do play an excellent mix of 80s, electroclash and progressive house. My band is going to be post-progressive. Write me if you play anything.

* Whip It, at Stereo (512 W 29 St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, Free.
Let's do some math. First, the classroom setting: we have a midtown bar with downtown staples Oxy Cottontail and the MisShapes as resident DJs. Most of the downtown kids are looking for a job, matriculated or would consider it too much work to look up synonyms for "in college." Much of the uptown-looking patrons probably spend more money on drinks than many of the scenesters see in a week. Of course, with A-ron the Don, Sophia Lamar and S. Valentine hosting, it is the scenesters who get comp'ed bottle service: and a balance is achieved. Thus, you have black-sport-coat-and-white-shirt-guy next to white A-shirt-under-black-A-shirt-and-stark-white-jeans girl. Also, somehow their outfits cost the same.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Cat Fight!, at The Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 11pm, Free.
Since November, I have not been to a party that I did not consider research. Apparently, dreaming about work has gone one step further: I cannot read. In the message I got about tonight's party I looked at "listening pleasure" and saw "listing pleasure." Maybe I need a vacation, and maybe you need to go to a party. Tonight's Cat Fight! will feature Lady Bree and Louise bringing the dance below-the-belt-hits and glasses of champagne-pain. Die! Die! Die! will be there as part of their pre-Annex residency celebration.

* Nacotheque, downstairs at the Delancey (168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney), 9pm, Free.
Hosts/resident DJs Marcelo Cunning (CatSuit) and Amylulita (Le One Night Stand) invite you to come by and say wassup at this all-Latino punk rock showcase, the release party for Larry Clark's Wassup Rockers. (Bands start at 9pm.) Rabia, singing in Spanish and English, and En La Olla, singing in Castilian and Polish, will play before the spanish rock, pop and electropop dance party. With free giveaways from American Apparel... maybe everyone will be as half-dressed as the models on the back of The L Magazine.

* Trashion!, at The Plum (246 W 14th St, between Seventh and Eighth Aves), 10pm, Free before 11:30 with RSVP.
I live in next to Jay Z's old neighborhood, which almost seems like a sovereign nation. Tonight, the reigning queen of Jay Z's label will give a special performance after her sold-out show at Webster Hall. In addition to Lady Sovereign's show, Alex English, DJ Frampster, The Syrup Girls and Project Matt will be DJing. Hosted by GBH, Cheeky B*stard, Yuval Eder, White Lightning!, Ben Sherman and The L's own Nicky Digital. RSVP to plumm@gbh.tv.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bulletproof, at Eastern Bloc (505 E 6th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
This is, like, the third week in a row I have written up this party, and maybe next week it will get a rest from me, but do not count on it if Tommy Hottpants and Miss Guy keep delivering a night of blast beat metal, grunge bangers and shot-through-the-heart-and-you're-to-blame late-80s/early-90s. Everyone's going ballistics.

* Karaoke Killed the Cat/Shandi Spins 80s, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 8/10pm, Free.
It was at an illegal afterhours party, and going on 7 in the morning, where Bronques and I were radiating enough Karaoke Killed the Cat love that had the cops busted the party on suspicion of sing-a-longs, fist pumping and crowd surfing I would have completely understood. Of course, we were discussing how, neither of us searching for a Monday night karaoke event, we had found the party organically. So, I owe Shandi, that blue-ribbon girl, credit for telling me about it in the first place.

* Metropol, at RiFiFi/Cinema Classics (332 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm, Free with one drink.
Now that it's officially summer, head into a forget-about-the-summer-solstice, darkdark evening of making-camp campiness. At 10pm, your hosts Flesh Chomping Charlie, Blood Chugging Jenny and Bone Sawing Lauren present Evil Dead 2. Remember last week when I was gushing about 1987? Well, tonight, all of the gushing is blood-red, and Bruce Campbell is good to the last drop. Forget your sleeping bag, just bring your own body bag. David Bowie's Ashes to Ashes in the front room, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams in the back; Showbread in the front room, Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn in the back. For email list, write to MetropolNYC@aol.com.


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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, June 24

* Peter Bailey/Evolve, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, $20 special limited advance; $30 advance; $40 door.
Tonight, Peter Bailey steals from the rich and gives to the dancefloor with a set of tough tribal and deep house. In the Reed Room, for all the Tinkerbells, DJ Johnny Dynelll and Chi Chi Valenti act like lions and celebrate Pride Week with "Lost Boys: a Modern Take on the Peter Pan Myth." At Evolve's gay pride spectacular, Victor Calderone solves your weekend boredom with a mix of progressive tribal and remixes.

* Rated X/The Panty Party Party: Sci-Fi Mutant Prom, at Luke and Leroy (21 Seventh Ave S, at Leroy St), $5 with invite; $10 without.
Hosts Miranda Moondust, Duch and Punk Rock Ian are flying in on their saucers, inviting you to get sauced at this Pride Week party for spaced-out wierdos. DJs Justine D and Jess will spin space-aged love songs, ice-blue new wave and Battlestar (punk rock) Galactica. At midnight, put your moon boots on for an Outerspace Cabaret Show featuring T-Boy, Cathy Cervenka, Janice Di Milo, Michael T., Theo Kogan and more. At 2am, score $200 at the Prom Costume/Hot Body Contest which MC Peppermint Gummybear prom-promise es will have all the sexual frustration of a high school astronomy class. Dress: sci-fi sexpod, space-rock glam, out-of-this-world sexplorer.

* Saturday at Quo, at Quo (511 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), guestlist-oriented.
Since we are only a river away from Bruce Springsteen's Jersey-shore inspired The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle, make tonight a 28th St shuffle between Crobar and Quo. I am all right with living the rest of my life without seeing the interior of Quo again, but I wandered in a few weeks ago and am still wearing my VIP wristband. DJs Riz, Frankie Zone and Sebastian will pick the tunes, while there'll be enough chocolate-covered strawberries to make you as sick as Ruthie and Winfield at the end of The Grapes of Wrath. For list, email biz@girlpr.net with "Quo Saturday(girlpr)" in the subject line.

Sunday, June 25

* GBH Sunday Rooftop Party, at Bed (530 W 27th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 2pm, Free with RSVP.
Everyone's looking to score on the weekend, and this party is all about meeting your goals. This weekend, watch the World Cup's second round game, and on the 29th come by at 2pm for the live broadcast of the World Cup Championship. At this rooftop party, DJs Angola (goala!), Tabu and Unknown People spin house, while brunch and cocktails will be available to avoid shingles (see: Ruthy and Winfield). To RSVP visit gbhtv.com.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Don't Be Shy, at Drake Underground (the the Drake Hotel, 1150 Queen W, Ontario Canada), 10pm, $5.
Take a long weekend, you deserve it— even if you are reading this at work. Pick up some Drake's coffeecake and blow through Toronto for an international night of pop/indie/punk/rock/glam. This is only the first stop in today's internationally-themed All Tonight's Parties. Full of drink specials, and national (arena rock) anthems; get your world cup filled as you dance for Olympic-length marathon dance sets.

* Hot Fuckin' Pink Presents: Ruff Club, at The Annex (152 Orchard St, between Stanton and Rivington Sts), 10pm, $5 before midnight.
The last time I came close to seeing Boyz n the Hood was when it aired on Telemundo a few months ago. Tonight, Berlin's Boys Noize (Kid Alex) brings the noise and the funk at his first NYC appearance. Performing live at 11:30pm is (how fortuitious for my theme) NYC's own Foreign Islands. As always, your DJs are Spencer Product, Denny Le Nimh, Micprobes and 24 Court; with Sean Fightcats, S. Valentine and guests getting ludicrous in the basement. Get there early for the 2-hour Svedka open bar between 10pm and midnight.

* Midsommer Fest/The Swedish Party, at The Puck Building (295 Lafayette St, between Houston and Jersey Sts), 9pm to 3am, $20 girls ($10 Scandinavian girls); $40 boys ($20 Scandinavian boys).
Featuring an all-night open bar, actors from The Departed and models wearing little more than paint, Rizal presents a Midsommer night's dream quite hilariously booked at The Puck Building. Also a Toshi presentation, everyone has access to the Grand Ballroom, Lafayette Room and Gallery; while VIPs and Scandinavians have access to the Bing Rimer-hosted Skylight Ballroom penthouse. A percent of the proceeds will be donated to the Sky Ranch Foundation. For tickets, visit toshitickets.com.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Distortion Disco- Fundraising Party, at Duvet (45 W 21 St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), 11pm, free before midnight; $10 thereafter (on list).
From arthurmuraylasvegas.com: "It is almost impossible to convey the many benefits that Arthur Murray students have received as a result of their dance lessons. Many singles and couples find that it has created more romance in their lives. Others rave about losing weight and all the health benefits. And still, others enjoy how fashionable they look and feel when out on the social dance floor."
Tonight is your chance to reap the benefits of dance, while sowing the funds needed for the speedy recovery of Kevin Aviance. Proceeds from the door go to The Anti Violence Project. For list, email disko@gbh.tv with your name and number of guests.

* MSTRKRFT, at Hiro Ballroom (363 W 16th St, at Ninth Ave), 10pm, $20.
Listen to plenty of KMFDM before heading to MSTRKRFT. Their vocoder-driven single "Easy Love" sounds like a more produced version of my favorite non-Frampton vocoder-driven band Anna Ranger, whom I last saw play on the night I was almost bludgeoned with a bass guitar. Jesse F Keeler from DFA 1979 and producer Al-P are making dancers keel over with their Alps-range of sound. Also DJing are Lazaro Casanova (Revolver Miami), Alex English (Girls & Boys), Morgan Louis (Pop) and Peter Makebish. The party is hosted by Filter Magazine and Puma.

* 'Stache, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $10.
See my 'Stache feature on page 65 of the current L:
In the DJ booth with more dangly jewelry and bandanas than a group of dandy pirates, Zach and Tommy Hottpants are quickly getting their sea legs and growing their 'staches. This glammy-gay dance party will pump out enough guitar solos to put chest hair on the dykes and keep Duch and the rest of the drag queens getting their upper lips waxed every few days. Tonight, get your (Freddy) Mercury raised at 'Stache's Pride Party. Doubling as the Limpwrist after party, this Queercore/Tranny Mash-up boasts, bulge-in-pants-style, of performances from Limpwrist and Amanda Lepore.

* Turbulence, at Galapagos Art Space (70 N 6th St, between Kent and Wythe Sts), 10pm, $7.
Tali De'Mar is your stewardess for this high-flying party featuring DJ sets from Japanster, Mesh and Brothers' Brothers. Berlin-based DJ/producer/label-owner Aaron Hedges will be spinning soundscapes so broad you could land planes on them, a fury of dirty electro and techno that might break the sound barrier.
More importantly, this joke:
So, this guy's on a plane and the stewardess comes by and asks him, "Sir, would you like any of our TWA coffee?" and he replies, "No, but I could sure go for some of your TWA tea."


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* First Taste, at Hi Fi (169 Ave A, between 10th and 11th Sts), 9pm, Free.
This is an addVice production of new music loaded into "the world's best jukebox," but I am holding out for spin-offs like Last Taste, where guilty pleasures are put to rest, and Belated First Taste, where we pretend it's 1987 while listening to Appetite for Destruction, The Joshua Tree, Cosmic Thing, Forever Your Girl and Faith. My favorite, of course, would be Infinity Taste — night of OK Computer, Siamese Dream and The Shape of Punk to Come.

* Nouveau, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts), 9pm, Free.
This non-weekly actually made it into the magazine, but here is another veau (rhymes with go) at it.
Presented by Mike Nouveau and Jaidee Valentine, tonight's party features a 9 to 10pm PRB giveaway, kiddie pools and waterguns to make up for leaving us dry since February. DJs Shaun Slaughter, Micprobes, Denny Le Nimh, HP Lovecraft and sober socialites Larry Tee and Mike Nouveau will be Jell-O wrestling in the DJ booth, while Jaidee passes 'round free Jell-O shots.
For another veau (view) of things, check out page 65 of the current L.

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
Last night, in honor of having to show my face in the office, I stayed in and watched Frontline. Tonight, I'll be at this weekly battle between hair stylists and everyone else; a Romeo and Juliet family war turned Thrashin'-era danceparty. Tonight, find the love of your young life to the tune of Shakespeare's Sister, and Smiths-sounding dance hits. Today is international Go Skateboarding Day, so shred across the Williamsburg Bridge and grind on the dancefloor. Next week, it's a hockey party, where everyone is going to skate to the puck.

At right: a picture of me on my invisible skateboard, next to thekthnxbye's hostess Shea on her invisible rollerskates. Courtesy Andy Buck.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Hanger Bar Karaoke, at The Hanger Bar (217 E 3rd St, between Aves B and C), 10pm, Free.
Host Matt Lesser invites you to the first ever, less is more (more, more), midnight-hour Hanger Bar Karaoke. Come out to hear East Village rebels yell more than sing, with all the fist-pumping of a Generation X concert. Of course, there'll be bonus points if you sing the songs of hanging/strangling-rockers like Ian Curtis or Michael Hutchence, or songs from the catalogue of any in-the-closet rockers.

* Trashion, at The Plumm (246 W 14 St, between Seventh and Eighth Aves), 11pm, Free.
The torn up jeans they sell at Urban Outfitters have everything to do with a commodification of the Ramones' fashion-out-of-necessity sensibilities. Tonight, Marky Ramone, of that urbane outfit, guest DJs this gutter-fashion event. The venerable punk drummer is trading skins and a drumset for a Tuesday night party of skimpily dressed boys and girls for the fashion set. Host/promoter Yuval is celebrating his birthday, with Alex English DJing on the (VIP) tables. For complimentary admission rsvp at plumm@gbh.tv.

* We Got The Beat Tuesdays!, at C-Kanvas 219 Ninth Ave (between 23rd and 24th Sts), 4pm to midnight, Free.
Put on either your mis-matched Chuck Taylors or your all-white Keds for this 80s dance party that'll have you dancing all Tuesday, and till Wednesday. (Aimee) Mann-o-man. With a drink special like $20 sangria, mojito and margarita pitchers, you'll surely be in easy spirits and hopping around with your friends like a mob of kangaroos.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bulletproof, at Eastern Bloc (505 E 6th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
Forget the kevlar vest, hosts/DJs Miss Guy and Tommy Hottpants are throwing on their Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo-inspired denim vests and inviting you to put on your Slash-inspired leather vests for tonight's hair (metal) affair. Replace bow ties with bandanas, and cuff links with skull rings, and come out for the 100 proof drinks.

* Karaoke Killed the Cat/Shandi Spins 80s, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 8/10pm, Free.
Go home from work, grab some dinner, change clothes and make it an early night out. Shandi drops anchor at 8pm, spinning a We are the World cast of 80s hits before Chris Goldteeth and Mr. Mattcoats host a chorus of karaoke madness at 10pm. Full of out-of-tune howling, behind-the-beat rapping and approximated-words singing, it's like a beat-era poetry reading, only with esoteric literary references replaced with forgotten one-hit wonders.

* Metropol, at RiFiFi/Cinema Classics (332 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm, Free with one drink.
If you are fish-ing for something to do tonight, you have everything to gein in coming out to the 10pm, backroom showing of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. No copycats here, this is the original film. In the front room, there'll be $3 PBR pints till they run out. So, kick off your Summer of Sam right with "Chain of Fools" in the antechamber and a Chainsawing fool projected over the dancefloor. For email list, write to MetropolNYC@aol.com.


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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, June 17

* Bank, at Element (225 E Houston at Essex/Ave A), 10pm, Free before 11pm; $10 after 12:30 on list.
The world's greatest (and maybe nicest) celebrity is having her birthday party, and Larry Tee is DJing. Regular ATP readers will remember last week's birthday party post for her, apparently this girl (Sophia) needs two weeks of celebration. This boy (Zachary) is excited to announce that tonight's festivities will feature the live debut of her new song "Get Your Ass Off." Tonight, get off your collective ass. Happy Birthday, Sophia! RSVP to josh@joshwoodproductions.com.

* Boys Gone Wild, at mr. Black (75 Bleecker St, at Broadway), 10pm, $10 after midnight; $5 after 4am.
Celebrity guest listing from Skid Row:
They call us problem child
We spend our lives on trial
We walk an endless mile
We are the youth gone wild
We stand and we won't fall
We're the one and one for all
The writing's on the wall
We are the youth Gone Wild

* The Champagne Jam, at a warehouse somewhere in Chelsea (see below), 10pm, Free.
Rezound and Workweek (of the monthly Moonwalk party at Happy Ending) are throwing a warehouse party early-90s-rave/California-beach-style. Which is to say: write your social security number on your arm (Critical-Mass-style). With $2 PBRs and $3 mixed drinks, they'll never make bail money. RSVP to REZOUNDandWORKWEEK@gmail.com.

Sunday, June 18

* Bad Boy Club, at mr. Black (643 Broadway, at Bleecker St, at Broadway), 11pm to 6am, $10.
Celebrity guest listing from Gloria Estefan:
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Always gettin' so restless, nothin' but trouble
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Get me feelin' breathless, nothin' but trouble
Boys will be boys, bad boy, Bad boy

* GBH Sunday Rooftop Party, at Bed (530 W 27th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 2pm, Free with RSVP.
Stop by the roofdeck at Bed to watch France vs South Korea at 3pm. Everyone's looking to score on the weekend, and this party is all about meeting your goals. Next weekend watch the second round game, and on the 29th come by at 2pm for the live broadcast of the World Cup Championship. At this rooftop party, DJs Angola (goala!), Tabu and Unknown People spin house, and brunch and cocktails will be available to avoid shingles. To RSVP visit gbhtv.com.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Avant Garden, at Galapagos Art Space (70 N 6th, between Kent and Wythe Sts), 10pm, Free.
Oh, goodness… can we please petition DJs Caps and Jones, Justin Carter, Paul Digs, Sound Advance, Dave Q, Reason and Zack Shadetek to play Savage Garden? Or Avant, even. This is a real avant garde danceparty, Soft and Click, Subatomic Sound System and Mad EP will perform live. I am serious about the Savage Garden petition, after listening to lite FM all afternoon, let's go dance like the Midwest.

* Gary 49, at mr. Black (643 Broadway, at Bleecker St), 10pm, $10 after midnight.
Get here on time, can I lie and say that this party starts at 9:30pm? Justine D goes on right at 10pm and wants the place to be packed, not so empty that you can here a pin (er, needle) drop. As a reprise of April's Disco Dandy Night, she'll be spinning with Johnny Dynell (Jackie 60). The two of them will be joined by DJ Sammy Jo, and'll be spinning a mix of electro, pop, house, acid and disco. Your hosts are the Trinity — Drew, Mackie and Aimee.

* Nacho Libre Party, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, Free between 10 and 11:30pm with RSVP.
Years ago, as a matriculant, I spent my summers working in Kings Island's entertainment department. In fact, I've worked at every amusement park in the greater Cincinnati area. Tonight, my resume mutates upon itself as Paramount Pictures and The L Magazine present a free party in honor of the release of Nacho Libre. This is your chance to see Sander Kleinenberg spin, and you will have a chance to win tickets to the movie. Here's to me not getting pepper sprayed this Paramount-party-time-around. RSVP at nacholibre@crobar.com.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Soulpusher, at the Delancey (168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts), 9pm, Free.
Tonight, DJs June D, DJ Baron and TKOmri give you three floors of soul-patrol, dance party action with the best in funk, soul, electro, indie-pop and garage rock. Celebrating the Delancey's 2-year anniversary with 2 open bars (9 to 10pm, and 2 to 3am), get soul smashed all night with the bartender's TKO of a drink special: a $6 beer and whiskey shot. Matchbox 20 will not be there to push you around, but these bands wanna take you for granted: The Prix, Ivy League, Proton Proton and Unisex Salon. RSVP@soulpushernyc.com.

* 'Stache, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $5.
Thank you Zach and Tommy for moving to Don Hill's. A larger dance floor than your previous incarnation at Beauty Bar can only mean more flannels, torn jeans, denim jackets, and bullet-belt-buckled belts. At 1am, Duch belts it out on the Don Hill's stage (if she can get her old legs up the stairs). Don't miss this, guys, it's 'Stache's 1-year anniversary and Miss Guy will be DJing along with Tommy and Zach. Oh, and SoCo shots from 10pm till you finish them off.

* Whores of Fashion: The Rock N' Roll Extravaganza, R&R (416 W 14th Street, between Ninth Ave and Washington St), 8pm doors; DJs at 10pm, $15; $10 with RSVP.
I am sort of in love with whoresoffashion.com. An arabesque of the style.com e-newsletters and Entertainment Tonight, Devon Detrich is the Mark Steines of blogging, and has stolen my Mary Hart. Tonight, Peaches DJs the premiere of a new weekly dance party from Devon, Jordan Silver and Pamela W. Your chance to see the fashion set do something other than either smugly stand around or walk in a straight line, go out tonight to dance with working models and unemployed musicians. RSVP to devon.detrich@gmail.com.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Calling All Kids, at Sapphire (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm, Free.
Hosts/DJs Eamon Harkin and Melody Nelson consistently bring in celebrity guest DJs for their shout-it-from-the-rooftops, call-home-about-it party. Tonight, their party is starr*-studded with a set from Michael Jurin of Stellastarr*. An international party with a five-pointed star of rock, indie, electro, dancehits and pop — use the Northern Star to navigate across the ocean to check out the UK version of Calling All Kids.

* Stank, at mr. Black (648 Broadway, at Bleecker St), 11pm, Free.
Christy Love, w/ W. Jeremy and Seth Kirby are bringin' down the house while, somehow, simultaneously bringing house back. Raise the roof, and the roof beam high, carpenters, for this basement dance party featuring the foundations of the genre. Tonight, DJ E-Man (Deep See, Beyond) joins the fun.

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
So, yesterday, I get this text from hostess Shea saying that [tonight's] guest DJ is Siobhan, from Arrojo Studio. Lovers of reality TV will recognize Arrojo from What Not to Wear. Tonight is going to be like the Surreal Life, with Shandi Sullivan DJing, Nick Arrojo stopping by and various celebrity clients mop-top'ing it up on the dancefloor. If yesterday's Bryan Adams party was not enough for you, he might need a trim tonight. Come for the celebrity sightings, stay for a haircut to get the hair out of your eyes.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Catfight!, at the Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 11pm to 4am, Free.
The Pirate Sisters (Carmen and Nico) have crossed the pond, swinging from the cordage with their knives clenched between teeth, to bring you a skull and crossfade's worth of indie, rock 'n' roll, new wave, glam, goth, electro and Britpop. Miss Rebecca (Sundays at the Dark Room) and Lady Bree will join them on the decks and will make you walk the plank on the dance floor. Come out for pirate booty and booty calls.

* Nacotheque, at the Delancey (168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts), 10pm, Free.
Wait till you see the queue for this one. Tonight, DJs Thisjay, Marcelo Cunning, Eiffel Tower and birthday girl Amylulita spin a night of national monument Spanish pop and euro-cunning rock. After your DJs give you the choice to dance or die, band Love or Perish leaves you with that choice. Feliz Cumpleanos, Amylulita!

* Trashion, at the Plumm (246 W 14th St, between Seventh and Eighth Aves), 11pm, RSVP.
Tonight, One Model Management invites you to watch fashion models get trashed. Joining One, Zoo Magazine and Bryan Adams will be co-hosting. Resident Alex English will be playing rock 'n' roll and hip-hop records from his first real six-string. Featuring a live performance by Dynasty Electric and drink specials from 2 to 3am, this party'll be much better than standing on your mama's porch. It is early in the week yet, but when you hold my hand, I know that it is now or never. For complimentary admission, rsvp at plumm@gbh.tv.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bloody Monday, at R&R Nightclub (416 W 14th St, between Ninth Ave and Washington St), 9pm, $6 cover, $4 with printout available here.
Even if the only thing more misplaced than a goth/industrial party on an early-summer Monday night is a goth/industrial party on a beach, Vanilla Christ, Mistress Crimson, Archere and Sensorburn want you to win Nine Inch Nails/Bauhaus/Peaches tickets for their Saturday June 17 show at Jones Beach. Speaking of runners-up, other raffle prizes include the NIN (Collected) DVD, BeGoths Dolls and a vodka bottle. In the abyss: DJ Aengel and a live performance by Bitter Grace; in the salon: Mistress Crimson and guests; after midnight: the Bloody Burlesque Variety Show.

* Bulletproof, at Eastern Bloc (505 E 6th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
Miss Guy and Tommy Hottpants invite you to put on your pearl necklace for their new weekly of 90s jams. Weeding and hoe'ing around in a soundgarden of grunge, your two fabulous, bandana be-decked hosts/DJs invite you to bring a pocket full of kryptonite and put your illusion to good use.

* Kingdom of Rock, at Sapphire Lounge 249 Eldridge St (between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm, Free.
Now that the weekly rush has begun, style your hair up after washing it with your pert plus and come out to dance like it's 2112. A Bastille Day of a party for all you working men, tonight's the night to party like you're Tom Sawyer. A night of anthemic rock, after partying all night you might need host Nick Vivid (of Drag Citizen), to help you in finding your way back home.



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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, June 10

* Glamdammit, at Rififi (332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm, Free.
Tonight's the night(time), Justine D guest DJs in her bloomers along with a blooming DJ Terre T (Cherry blossom Clinic). They'll be spinning a mix of rock 'n' roll and punk, and Tourettes-style glam mash-ups. Put on your favorite accessories and pick up some wall-accoutrements from the New York Dolls DVD and poster giveaways.

* International Talent Conference After-Party, at Quo (511 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, Free (see below).
As mentioned a month ago, and with details promised in the print magazine, the ITC is upon us. The after-party is going to be a dream world of industry professionals and celebrities dancing alongside hard-working models and actors whose untapped talent has recently been discovered: at the 3 to 5pm open call session. VIP pass holders for the conference will have free admission, VIP bottle service and access to VIP rooms. Aspiring models and actors will be queuing up around the corner to get into Quo. For more information about the conference, and to register, visit talentconference.com. UpperTaste Marketing Group is producing the event, and The L Magazine is a proud sponsor. I will be at the door at 9am, clipboard in hand: work a look to get past me.

* misShapes, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $10.
Celebrate the birthday of a decade-spanning and gender-bending celebrity and a real 6/6/06 birthday-girl. For everyone familiar with the king and queen of the downtown dance scene, Sophia Lamar's birthday party will be an unmissable event. Now ready for her birthday spankings, Sophia was my NYE kiss… divided a hundred ways among the rest of the party.

Sunday, June 11

* GBH Roofdeck Party, at Bed (530 W 27th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 2pm, RSVP.
This is your chance to see your friends in the afternoon, without the awkward silence of having nothing but shared blackout venues in common. At this party while-the-sun-is-still-out, all the lunacy of a GBH party will be present. While people in the midwest are spending their afternoons doing housework, listen to DJs Angola, Tabu, Unknown People and guests spin house. RSVP at gbhtv.com.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bugjuice 1.0, at Luke and Leroy (21 Seventh Ave S, at Leroy St), 10pm, Free before 11pm; $5 after.
As popular as a day camp lunchroom cooler, this hip-hop/funk/grime/booty party features DJs Small Change and Synapse, along with live performances by Subatomic Sound System and Mad EP — is the perfect chance to bug out on the dancefloor. Bring your bugspray for the swarming men, and tell them to bugger off.

* Felony Lounge, at Savalas (285 Bedford Ave, between Grand and S 1st Sts), 10pm, Free.
Cross the East River-as-state-line for tonight's party from DJ/host Punk Ass Jason. Presenting a felony offensive, he'll be bringing Brooklyn a full-frontal, full-court press of rock, soul and new wave. In tandem with drink specials all night, your dancefloor antics will earn you concurrent high-life sentences.

* The Official Morrisey Park Reunion, at Double Happiness (174 Mott St, at Broome St), 9pm, Free.
Maybe more than any New York institution (aside from the 50 cent book carts outside Strand bookstore), I miss Morrisey Park. Tonight, The Fre$h Fuckin' Rabbit (of that very organ), hosts a reunion with DJs Moe Choi and Jan Lo. With an open bar from 9:30 to 10:30pm and a dancefloor to keep full, now that the rabbits are in the parks, come out and dance with all the Trix.

* Sasha with special guests Satoshi Tomiie and James Lavelle, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, $30 advance; $40 door.
After a Fibonacci sequence of amazing nights from the FUNDACIÓN party, Sasha (the DJ-love of my young, Midwestern heart) is closing the event. Performing on a custom-built controller that allows him to remix and produce live, tonight's Crobar set is not to be missed. Joining him are Satoshi Tomiie (of the label SAW) and James Lavelle (of Unkle). For advance tickets, visit crobar.com.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Afterwork Thursday, at Pacha (18 W 46th St, between Eleventh Ave and the West Side Highway), 5pm, girls: Free until 8pm, $5 after with RSVP; boys: Free until 6pm, $10 after with RSVP.
From Wikipedia:
Pasha (or pascha, bashaw; Turkish: pasa) originally from Persian padshah or padeshah meaning "king") was a high rank in the Ottoman Empire political system, typically granted to governors and generals. As an honorary title, "Pasha" is roughly equivalent to "Sir".
It can also mean "dudes," and there'll be plenty of them tonight, scoring free drinks between 5 and 6pm, 2-for-1 drinks between 6 and 7pm, and free dinner between 5 and 7pm. Come for the hip-hop, Latin and more, stay for a Ketel Red Bull at this afterwork party that puts Kemal Atatürk to shame.

* Even Further, at Happy Valley (14 E 27th St, between Fifth and Madison Aves), 10pm, $5.
Tonight, get HPV from the go-go boys and girls at the premiere of HV's new party presented by the hosts and DJs of some of the best parties in the city. The release party for Sonic Youth's "Rather Ripped," for free admission wear a pair of, preferably rather ripped, Chuck Taylors. I used to wear mine until they looked like sandals — tonight, keep them on between 11pm and midnight and 3 and 4am for party-wide 2-4-1 drinks. Pushing the envelope even further than usual, Perfuma will perform.

* Markus Miller, at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
Celebrity guest-listing from the Fall:
The ward was arraigned with spats of blood.
The victim, castigate, and yet, part of us.
The thoughts in eyes as seen under a hood
Burned in my own eyes and in my blood!
Mark'll sink us.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* GLAMM, at Orchid Lounge (500 E 11th St, at Ave A), 8pm to 2am, Free.
Makeout, at Luke and Leroy (21 Seventh Ave S, at Leroy St), 10pm, Free.
I promised this, and now I will deliver. In a mud wrestling match between these two lesbian parties, Käla Mandrake and Karolina (hosts of Makeout) will tag team Deanna S. (host of GLAMM) while, in the second round, Makeout DJs Haley Hottpink and Buzz will have a civil war of mud-slinging. Expect plenty of go-go girls and burlesque performers, and indie/new wave/electro/pop. Here's mud in your eye!

* Slurp, at the Cock (29 Second Ave, at 2nd St), 10pm.
Slurp is a new weekly featuring dance hits whose warm-all-over feeling (pardon the contradiction, forthcoming) is similar to the satisfaction from managing to get a not-yet-melted, still mostly frozen Wendy's Frosty through a straw. Exercise your cheek and tongue muscles at this party hosted by Linda Simpson and DJed/hosted by Michael Megan and Telfar.

* Tres Warren and Eliza Lou (Part Two of Two), at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
Celebrity guest-listing from Nate Dog:
Just hit the eastside of the LBC
On a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.
Seen a car full of girls ain't no need to tweak
All you skirts know what's up with 213



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All Tonight's Devilry
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

(With apologies to Iron Maiden)
Supplemental viewing and mandatory listening: click this, get the song playing and then read along

"Woe to you, Oh New York City, for I send these
party listings with wrath, because I know the day is upon us...
Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the
beast for it is a human number, its number is six hundred and
sixty six."

I lived alone, my datebook was blank
I needed time to dance, to get the ennui from my mind

What did I see, can I believe that New York City's
nightlife was real and not just fantasy?

Oh, what I saw, in Williamsburg dreams
were the reflections of a mirrored ball glaring back at me

'Cos in my dreams it's always there, the writhing dance floor where I twist my body,
fists held to the air

* With nightlife's Blacken, there's no use holding back
'Cos Bastard's high and drunk on Spencer Product's luck
In the mist pale hipsters shake and twist
Go to Happy Ending Lounge for a new kind of crowd
666 it's Shit Hammered vs We Bite
two floors, of parties, thrown into a fight

* Strobe lights blaze, anthemic rock is played
Justine D spins, fists raise to the sky
'clock strikes midnight, a mass of holy light
an apocalypse is vision'd, at this resurrection
666, death metal, rock and punk
Virgin sacrifice is rumored for tonight

(guitar and bass solos)

* This party's returned, get your Cat Suit on
Upstairs at the Annex, a Shindig! one-time affair
Go out to the bar with nude-DJ Telfar
A chance to... homoeroticize, can't avoid their thighs
666 the number of the beast
666 once every century

I'm coming back, I will return
Tomorrow's blogs'll possess your body, I'll make you burn
I have the listings, I have the force
I have the power to make this 'scene run its course


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bloody Monday, at R&R Nightclub (416 W 14th St, between Ninth Ave and Washington St), 9pm, Free.
At midnight, it's 6/6/06. I'm not sure there is a better place to be when the witching hour turns Monday into blood-red Tuesday. The temperature has gone down, but don't let that fool you. BM is a new goth/industrial fetish party featuring bands and DJs. Get your Bloody Mary from the barkeep, and take a long look in the bathroom mirror to see Bloody Mary. Sleep with one eye open when you get to bed— how's that for needing a reason to go home with someone?

* Bulletproof, at Eastern Bloc (505 E 6th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
Tonight's the opening of an all-90s party that'll have heshers lined around the corner, flannel wrapped around waists gyrating on the dancefloor and henleys unbuttoned on the chests leaned up against the bar. Put on your favorite choker and grow your hair long for this new weekly Seattle remembrance. It's been a while now that I've been telling people I gave up on music after the Smashing Pumpkins. Thank you, Miss Guy and Tommy Hottpants, for finally listening.

* Metropol, at RiFiFi/Cinema Classics (332 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm, Free.
Demons, by blood-splattered Italian auteurs Dario Argento and Lamberta Bava, is the film that started Metropol. In the film, a young woman is scratched by a part of the display in a theater lobby. In turn-style, she transforms into a fanged creature and spreads her infection throughout the audience, turning the theater into an us vs. them battle to the un-death. Email MetropolNYC@aol.com to join the mailing list. Rock and death metal in the front of house, death on the screen in back.



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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, June 3

* Anthony Molina, at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
Weaving a tapestry of soul, Latin, rock, jazz and spoken word, Anthony Molina (of Mercury Rev) will make this East Village pool hall into a den straight out of Kashmir. The music is a voyage, the rock is inspired by Led Zeppelin and the tapestry is cashmere.

* Bank, at Element (225 E Houston St, at Essex St/Ave A), 10pm, Free before 11pm; $10 before 12:30am on list.
Fischerspooner's Warren Fischer and Jon Kane will be spooning out hits like a cafeteria matron in a prison film, and giving out Kane-ings like a military prison guard. Get ready for art rock and avant-garde hysterics at this weekly party that vaults above all others. For guest list, email info@joshwoodproductions.com.

* Marlon D and guests, on the Coney Island Boardwalk, 4 to 10pm, Free.
Remember the early nineties when California raves took place on beaches, charging such ludicrous admissions that the DJs could just bail when the cops came, having made so much money they could just buy new stuff? Bring your glowsticks, kids, for this all day affair of house music along the Coney Island Boardwalk. Astroland park and spacey, mind exploration house? Awesome. Your DJs are Marlon D, Sal Leone and Brian Burnside.

* Rated X, the Panty Party, at Luke and Leroy (21 Seventh Ave S, at Leroy St), 10pm, $5 reduced admission with mention of Shaw Promotion.
The re-re-opening of the Panty Party will feature five DJs over two floors, and will be teeming with all the sexual frustration of moving across town, amicable break-ups and hosts Michael T. and Theo's spring/summer fever. As always, stick around for the 2am hot body contest, winner takes home $100.

Sunday, June 4

* Jason Molina (Longwave), at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
What I received about his set is that Jason will be spinning for "retired astronauts, disgraced politicians and lefties." This means he'll be making waves with Communist rock, Jerry Springer chant-inducing anthems, and John Glenn glam/Neil Armstrong arty, space rock.

* Drop Dead Gorgeous, at Beauty Bar (231 E 14th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm, Free.
Every Sunday is a night of Denise Richardson-inspired punk, metal, 80s and rock; each first Sunday of the month plays host to a beauty pageant. Win $200 at tonight's no-sleaze, no-skin "good-clean-beach-blanket-bingo-type fun" two-round event. Come be a stagemom to your friends, or, with help from on-hand make up artists and hair stylists, get dolled up and compete.



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All Tonight's Parties

* Aurelio Valle (Calla), at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
Tonight, Aurelio will once again spin a solar wind of psych and Kraut obscurities, and a field of Northern Lights of northern soul, loft, garage, Jamaican dubs and rock rarities. Aurelio Valle's aurora borealis of beats will fill the dancefloor like a coniferous forest.

* Between (a Rock and a Hard Place), at Crash Mansion (199 Bowery, at Spring St), 9pm, Free to the first 75 people; $5 for person number 76 and up; $10 after 11pm.
Blog worlds are colliding, bands and parties are combining, and everyone at The L is still power-drunk. As Mark pointed out, the Black Hollies are headlining tonight's party, playing at 11pm after being subtitled in the release I received as "the L Mag's cover band!" Teaming up with the Circus party, the dresscode for tonight's party is extreme Greek, extreme geek or extreme freak. RSVP to rsvp@newyorkunderbelly.com.

* Loaded, at Element (225 E Houston St, at Essex St/Ave A), 10pm, $15 general admission.
Tonight's Be Your Own Pet CD release party will feature heavy petting from DJs Michael T. and Melody Nelson, in addition to guests Matty and Gabe (both of the Rapture) ownin' it. For guest list, email Thomas@gbh.tv with your name and number of guests. Tell the doorperson you are on the Cheeky guest list.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Coma Club, at Galapagos Art Space (70 N 6th St, between Kent and Wythe Sts), 10pm.
Now that it is sweltering, welcome to the days of mid-afternoon cat naps turning into waking up hours later after passing out in a beady sweat. Heat-related near-comas are best balanced by breezy walks. Tonight, head across the Williamsburg Bridge for the monthly party embracing passing out en masse. Tonight's DJs are the Captain and Mike Simonetti. A Simon Says game of pirateship captain dance moves, this event is for all you land [c]lubbers.

* Dang!, at Plan B (339 E 10th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
Shanthrax and Ddreg keep the 80s alive in a neighborhood no one wanted to be in during the 80s. Come out to hear an alphabet soup's worth of classic dance tracks. Shandi might be the best dancer this side of the Missouri River, and Ddreg kills at karaoke.

* Markus Miller, at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
The first of a two-week run of Thursday night performances, Markus Miller (of _lowlife) is sure to keep you dancing well into Friday morning. If you're reading this at work, put down your to-do list and mark your date book for tonight's event; if you miss this, don't blame us. If you're reading this wishing you were drinking on your porch, tonight is Miller time.

Pictured: Shanthax and yours truly. Photo courtesy Nick Rhodes.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Audio-Radio, at Motorcity (127 Ludlow St @ Rivington), 10pm, Free.
Audio, Radio and visual? Tonight's DJs Ali and Pia are, allegedly, going to DJ naked. It'll be like they are playing a private party for you in their bedroom — bring your hairbrush to sing into. Between sets, look for an underwear pillow fight and a game of Girl Talk.

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
Now that Memorial Day has passed, I know that Shea can host a roofparty the majority of which takes place in her living room. Similarly, I know that Shanthrax can co-sponsor a roofparty that does not involve music apart from the spill over from the people grilling on the sidewalks five flights below. Tonight, Shea will re-define hosting and Shanthrax will actually come up with something to play music on.

* Tres Warren and Eliza Lou, at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
Together spinning sheffield soundz, paradise classics and H-town trill, Tres' set promises to be tre, tre exciting, while Eliza Lou will illuminate the dancefloor like Liza behind turntables. The danceparty version of Fosse's Cabaret, these two DJs will be warren' it out.

* Slurp, at the Cock (29 Second Ave, at 2nd St), 10pm.
Managing to knock down the 7-10 split of Wednesday danceparty trickery, your host Linda Simpson, along with hosts/resident DJs Michael Magnan (of Beauty Bar) and Telfar are bringing you a 7-11 slurp straw's worth of cheek, scandal and (tonight only) the Dazzle Dancers. Razzle Dazzle them, Fosse-lovers.

At right: an obviously stolen, while hilarious, photograph


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Catfight!, at the Skinny (174 Orchard, between Stanton and Houston Sts), 11pm, Free.
Hosting solo this time, Lady Bree (estimable nightlife intern) will be joined by Mike Conklin (music editor of this very organ), along with cheap drinks all night—making this an event full of L maggers swaggering to the the best in dance anthems and upper crust indie rock in all their glossy, glassy-eyed glory. Speaking of The L, Carrie White (noise) will be DJing tonight, and her Sunday night party is finally getting a listing in the magazine.

* Nuyorican Soul Sessions 1, at Hiro Ballroom (at the Maritime Hotel, 371 W 16th, at Ninth Ave), 9pm doors; 11pm show, $15 in advance.
Featuring Joe Claussell, Luisto Quintero, and special guests Blaze and Anane, this party takes its cue from '97's Nuyorican Soul launch party. Masters at Work (Louie Vega and Kenny Dope) will perform live, and, as a living confession, until all of two minutes ago I thought that Louie Vega was Lou Bega. So, um, there'll be a little bit of salsa, a little bit of Latin, and a whole laundry list of girl's names. Get on the list for this and other events at gbh.tv.

* Private Men's Club, at Black and White (86 E 10th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Remember Back to the Future Part III? That's the Wild West one, and, in some capacity, a train is involved. What a terrible movie, I remember all of eight seconds of it. Similarly, and also involving a train, your barkeeps Drew Conrad and Wayne De Train want to make sure that you remember only eight seconds of tonight, while music selectors TKOmri, Rob Hitt and Alex Suarez play bar-fight rock, walk-twenty-paces-and-turn indie, and tails and cumberbund soul. Get your stick pins ready for when the needle drops.



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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, May 27 and Sunday, May 28

* A homoerotic rugby match? Sounds like collegiate, intramural flag football.



Saturday, May 27th

* Camouflage Trilogy Part 2: BoatCruise, at the Temptress World Yacht Marina (41st St and the West Side Highway, Hudson River), 10pm boarding; 11pm departure; 2am return. $20 in advance.
Head down to the Statue of Liberty with your DJs Craze, MC Armanni, Kech, MC Swordz and Christian Burna spinning a Carmina Burana's worth of house that'll have you falling Orff the boat as only Hart Crane could. Afterparty with a "special UK guest" for ticket stub holders. Tickets.

* Rated X, the Panty Party.
The official statement from Michael T. and Theo:
We are delighted to inform everyone though that Rated/The Panty Party has found a new home and that we'll be restarting the party on saturday, june 3rd at Luke N Leroy's [7th Ave & Leroy St] . We're looking forward to seeing all of you and apologize to everyone if we caused any unintentional confusion over the last week.
Thank You for your continued Support!
Xo
Theo & Michael T.

* Total War, at Black and White (86 E 10th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10:30pm, Free.
Phase 7 of Total War will be like WW3, as DJs Ryan R. and Glenn spin a set of cold wave, classic goth, deathrock, new wave and metal. Style your hair into a devil lock, raise your hand in the sign of the beast, and request your favorite, battle-related Iron Maiden song. My suggestions are either "The Trooper" or "Run to the Hills."

Sunday, May 28

* Alex English and Larry Tee, at Marquee (289 Tenth Ave, between 26 and 27 Sts), $10pm till midnight; $15 till 1am with RSVP.
Since there's no work on Monday, which means no business luncheons, come out to this English-Tee Party (not my pun), with DJ Reflex upstairs. I hear that Alex and Larry are putting together an outline for their Mrs. Dalloway-inspired, day-of-party account. While, already confined to the upstairs, Reflex will write a free verse reflection/adaptation of Charlotte Perkins Gillman's "The Yellow Wallpaper." For list, email event@gbh.tv with your name and number of guests.

* Camouflage Trilogy Part 3: Post-Party, at Sin Sin (248 E 5th St, at Second Ave), 10pm to 4am, $5.
Part 3 of this weekender features DJ Evol's NYC debut appearance, 9x, Force and Koncept. The third night should be a climax, if you're too tired from the past two nights, then don't bother to come out.

* Motherfucker, at the Roxy (515 W 18th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, with invite, $15 till 11pm; $20 after midnight; $25 all night, otherwise.
Will the next Penelope Tree be discovered on the dance floor dancing to DJs Michael T., Justine D, DJ Jess, Dave P or JDH? Or will we spot Anna Wintour enjoying Willi Ninja and the House of Ninja's late night performance? The dress code demands formal and fabulous, but suggests outlandish. Wear something electric to MF's six-year anniversary, in honor of the fortieth anniversary of Truman Capote's Black and White Ball. Joseph Moncure March would be proud, this wild party institution is what New York danceparties aspire to achieve. Look for me, I will be there with all the MILFs.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Aurelio Valle (Calla), at Corner Billiards Bar (110 E 11th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm to 2:30am, Free.
Spinning a solar wind of psych and Kraut obscurities, and a field of Northern Lights of northern soul, loft, garage, Jamaican dubs and rock rarities, Aurelio Valle's aurora borealis of beats will fill the dancefloor like a coniferous forest.

* Camouflage Trilogy Part 1: Pre-Party, at the Leopard Lounge (348 E 5th St and Second Ave), 10pm to 4am, $5.
Tonight is the pre-party for this weekend's 3-night jungle/drum and bass blast. Tonight's DJs are J.Smooth, Caezar, Krazyglue and Etzi & Phelonee. They'll bee spelling phonetically with headphonz on, breaking all sorts of grammar laws.

* Star Daze Fridays, at C-Kanvas (219 Ninth Ave, between 23rd and 24th Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
They can muss it up with fancy spellings, but the subliminal message to put on your Chuck Taylor dance shoes is pretty obvious: C-Kanvas, canvas? Star Daze? All Stars. Unless, of course, they are talking about Calvin Klein models going into a cocaine haze. Rotating Live DJs play a mix of old school, hip-hop, soul classics and pop music.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Dang!, at Plan B (339 E 10th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
If your Plan A of being a responsible adult and making it through the week without getting blitzed like so many less-than-worthy NFL teams up against the 1985 Bears falls through, there is always room for you to Super Bowl Shuffle on the dancefloor at this forward lateral of a party. Shanthrax and DDrej'll be dredging up 80s classics all night, to their chagrin and your early-morning dread. You might have to go in my stead, I'm still sore and hoarse from last night's dance off.

* The Creature, at Sapphire Lounge (249 Eldridge St), 10pm, Free.
Celebrating their tenth party, and their re-location after the close of Orchard Bar, this zombified party features DJs Doorknobs, Broccoli and Jagga, who will have you dancing to "creaturerockness, shitty techno and sonic beasties" until your limbs really do fall off. Here's to glowsticks and the Edgar Winter Group.

* The Edge of Night, at Avalon (47 W 20th St, at Sixth Ave), 9pm, $5 before midnight; $10 after.
On this, Thursday night, as we edge toward the weekend, come out for the record release party of Cordell McClary's new single "Missing You." With dancers and hostesses, this party will bump with hip-hop, dancehall and house. Dress to impress and get in for free before 1am. Your DJs are IRS, MK, Poison Ivy, L.A. Thomas and Audi "I'm outtie 5000"* Masell.
*Ooh, two Reality Bites references in as many days.

* Matinee, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 5pm, boys: $5 till 7pm; $10 till 9pm; $15 till 11pm; $20 after 11pm; girls: free till 7pm; $5 till 9pm; $10 till 11pm; $20 after 11pm.
Celebrate Eric Virgil's birthday with main room DJs Rob-lo, Lucho, Shadee and Mr. Mauricio, along with a special, as-long-as-we-got-each-other performance from Robin Thicke. This party is going to be [Tracy] gold[en]. Also, In honor of Fleet Week, any sailor or military personnel in uniform will receive complimentary admission before 1am on Friday and Saturday. Additional info.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* DJ Kid Millionaire aka Steve Aoki, at Marquee (289 Tenth Ave, between 26th and 27th St), 10pm, $20.
There will be dancing to infectious rock, hip-hop and pop dance mixes, yes. More importantly, here are Marquee-Mark references:
From Reality Bites:
Troy: Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water or ws it his in-depth analysis of Marky Mark that finally reeled you in? I just would have liked to have been there to watch how you rationalized sleeping with a yuppie-head cheeseball on the first date.
From Clueless:
Josh: Oh, how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants-dropping schedule to plant trees.

* GLAMM, at Orchid Lounge (500 E 11th St, at Ave A), 8pm to 2am, Free.
Deanna S. hosts this indie, new wave, electro and pop dance party for girls who like girls. Next month, on the afternoon of the premiere of Luke and Leroy's new lesbian weekly, I will blog both parties as a girls-who-like-gir-on-girl on girls-who-like-girl-on-girl dance party dance off.

* Guilty Pleasures, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Forsyth and Eldridge Sts), 10pm, Free.
Celebrity gust-listing from Britney Spears:
He noticed no one was with me
I started getting so friendly
He told me I was so pretty
I flirted
I'm guilty

* Shuga Loves Disco, at Dragon Lounge (145 Atlantic Ave, between Clinton and Henry Sts), 10pm, Free.
Wax up your mawkish mohawks, tonight DJ Jonathan Porter scoops up a saccharine helping of disco hits. Polyester makes a return at this obsequious party that Ashton Kucher and Topher Grace fans'll be que'ing up for. Wear your biggest collar, and bring your most cloying out-dated pickup lines.

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
Taken from the current issue of The L, available today:
My sister, the actor, got all the singing talent in my family. These short-end-of-the-stick genetics the same, it seems, for most of those bold enough to "sing to the ceiling" at this weekly pants-splitting, crowd-surfing, wet and wild affair. Slippert globetrotters Chris Goldteeth and Mr. Mattcoats are in charge, but mostly they just do the majority of the wailing/back-up singing/hype man-ing: this party is for you, the amatuer.
Before my first 'Killed Cat, I had never been to Pianos. I also had never watched America's Next Top Model before season five when it ran away, at a model-walk pace, with my heart. Shanthrax (Shandi, of that very program) spins 80s from 8 to 10pm here on Mondays, and all night at Wednesday's thekthnxbye, where she is joined by hostess and Aveda alumnus Shea, and fellow DJ and early-Ministry scholar/voluble orator Mike Dextro.
I've said it before, "This is the best mix of electroclash, progressive house, and 80s in the city," and I stand by that… on the dancefloor, fist pumping. Step-touching and uprock is the general fare at this lounge longing to be a sweaty dancefloor, but breakdancing (and costumes) are encouraged — it is an 80s party after all.



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All Tonight's Parties

* Mango Tuesdays, at the Mango Room (511 E Lexington Ave, between 48th and 47th Sts, lounge above LQ), business attire preferred, RSVP.
Brush off a terrible Tuesday with an afterwork party featuring 2-for-1, top shelf drink specials from 5 to 7pm, and free appetizers until 7pm. A laidback party with a beach-chair associative name, enjoy hip-hop, R&B, Latin, house and classics spun by DJ Jinx Paul. Bring your friends, it takes Tue to Mango. RSVP to bentinfo@aol.com with Mango Tuesday Guestlist(girlpr) in the subject line.

* Modeselektor, at APT (419 W 13th St, at Tenth Ave), $8 advance/$10 door.
All systems are go for the Novay and Other Music's party featuring Modeselektor trafficking in underground and commercial, basement laboratory bass. Opening tonight's party are Kevin Micromini McHugh and Scott Mou, turning APT into a Moulin Rouge-like venue, and a microcosm of the scene.

* No Fashion Disco!, at Supreme Trading (213 N 8th St, between Driggs and Roebling Sts), 10:30pm, Free.
Sympathy For Your Trust and resident Robert "Don't Deliver Me From Evil" Johnson present a new Brooklyn party as refreshing to your hipster-hating sensibilities as the sweet, sweet Brooklyn air. No putting on airs allowed here, this party is the son and heir of parties breeding "free form madness." Dance your pants off to early Madonna; this week's guests are Captain Amazing Pants and Primadonna.

* Shade, at Plan B (339 E 10th, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
The new party from hairdresser/bartender and misShapes exile Nick Perdue promises electro-jazz, trip hop, underground hip-hop and live performances in a lounge-y venue. No shady people here, but maybe Sade's "Smooth Operator."



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* King Soloman and Resting General, at Sway (305 Spring St, between Greenwich and Hudson Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Oxy Cottontail, as the Queen of Sheba, invites you to take a break from your work week full of making mountains of mole hills. King Soloman will build a Mount Moriah's worth of dance party hits, while Resting General spins with all the military acumen of Solomon's father, King David. Come party like it's 970 BCE.

* Kingdom of Rock, at Three of Cups (83 First Ave, at E 5th St), 9pm to 4am, Free.
Put on your tiaras for Monday Knight's crowning acheivement in classic and underground rock. Nick Vivid of Drag Citizen hosts this medieval ball of pagan- and Tolkein-inspired rock. Don't Fear the Reaper while walking up that Stairway to Heaven.

* Magnificent Mondays, at APT (APT 419 W 13th St, at Tenth Ave), 10pm, $12.
In west Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground is where he spent most of [his] days... and now, tonight, DJ Jazzy Jeff spins hip-hop for your early-week, four-days-till-Friday, six-stepping needs. While my love for dance parties was incipient, it was to DJ Barticus and Ruckus Roboticus that I was nurturing my dance ability. The latter has opened a few times for Jeff. Tonight, we do it for Athens, OH.



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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, May 20

* The LOOK, at Hiro Ballroom (The Maritime Hotel, 363 W 16 St, at Ninth Ave), 10pm, Free.
In honor of the launch of the gayz of our lives website, come flaunt and haunt around on the dancefloor with your hostess Chase and the men of GOOL. Ghoulish DJs Timmy and e frank will be joined by guest phantom John Selway, who promises to bring a disco marathon. Watch for falling chandeliers in this ballroom soap-opera of a dance a party. Suggest dress: geisha (pronounced: "gay-ssssssssha!)

* Works on Paper (Flux Factory's Spring Benefit Bazaar), at Flux Factory (38-38 43rd St, Long Island City, Queens),6 to 10pm, $2.
The people at Flux Factory are throwing this early-evening party with bands, a DJ, food, beer and affordable art. Featuring art from around the globe, the pieces run the gamut from screenprinted toilet paper, zines, posters, postcards, drawings, screenprints... to clothes made out of paper. Your DJ is brotherbeat, and NYC bands Fur Cups for Teeth, The Love Loves, Marla Hooch and The Dirty Projectors will play. For more information, visit fluxfactory.org.

Sunday, May 21

* GBH Roofdeck Party, at Bed (530 W 27th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 2pm, RSVP.
This is your chance to see your friends in the afternoon, without the awkward silence of having nothing but shared blackout venues in common. At this party while-the-sun-is-still-out, all the lunacy of a GBH party will be present. While people in the midwest are spending their afternoons doing housework, listen to DJs Angola, Alex English and Unknown People spin funky house. RSVP at gbh.tv.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Loaded, at Element (225 E Houston St, at Essex St/Ave A), 10pm, $10 before 1am on guestlist; $15, general admission.
Featuring headlining DJ Michael of Stellastarr*, and a starr*-studded, fully loaded six-shooter of a cast of DJs including Ciao Bella, Peter (Husky Gentleman), Melody Nelson (Calling All Kids) and the star-wearing sheriff, Michael T. You'll hear dance rock, electro, rock 'n' roll, new wave and classics, and you'll see new wave, rock 'n' roll, electro and dance rock legends. For guest list, visit gbh.tv.

* Playgirl Magazine launch, at Happy Ending (320 Broome St, between Forsyth and Eldridge Sts), 7 to 10pm, Free.
While it probably will not be the party of the year, tonight's event honoring the 2006 Man of the Year issue is sure to be a stud-studded affair. The man of the year himself, Derrick Davenport, will be there, stretched out on HE's booths like so many davenports and, with his tall frame, living up to the definintion of derrick (the "boring equipment" and "slung from a boom" parts). Julian Fantechi, one of the magazine's most requested models, will also be in attendance, but there are no sophomoric things to say about his name. Come early for the 8 to 10pm open Vampyre Vodka bar, keep your energy for the carnal goodie bags. RSVP to pgedit@playgirlmag.com.

* Sounds Good in the Nude: A Night with Tim "love" Lee and Soulstatic, at Frying Pan (at Pier 63, 24th St and the Hudson River), 10pm to 4am, $10.
Turntables on the Hudson presents this funky disco party of shapeshifting, drunken grooves and delights. Labelmate Soulstatic (Dan Martino) will be playing quarterback to Tim Lee's (of Tummy Touch Records) head coaching. This riverfront event is not to be missed by disco heads either looking for waves of excitement or to start the weekend with a splash.



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Funny How Everything Was Roses When We Held On To The Guns

Brooklyn, sometime around 4:00am. It was not a half-hour ago that this happened.

I was on the shuttle bus headed beyond the Lorimer St station and someone seated behind and to the right of me was butchering the lyrics to "Patience." I asked if he wanted some help with the lyrics, and he did. So, I handed over my headphones and cue'd his song. Apparently, he and the girl who he was with were on their way home from Rosario Dawson's birthday party where they had seen Axl perform sing-along style.

Allegedly, Axl got in a fist fight with Tommy Hilfiger which led to Tommy's eviction. It probably looked much like this.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Cheeky B*stard, at Hiro Ballroom (The Maritime Hotel, 363 W 16 St, at Ninth Ave), 10pm, Free (see below).
Peter Makebish and guest DJs spin dance rock, new wave, hip-hop and classics in a ballroom where you can lose your date, your friends and watch your date make out with your friends, all while perched from the VIP level. Tonight is the afterparty for 33hz's show with Achitecture in Helsinki. Good times will be happening one per second; a Nordic Track-paced rate. RSVP to alejandro@gbh.tv.

* Lust, at Pyramid (101 Ave A, between 6th and 7th Sts), 9:30, $6.
If they're charging money for this, the name better not be just lip service. You can take that however you please, as for me... I'm just going to talk about the (GHW)Bush-era punk, ska, dance hits, new wave, industrial and darkwave from DJs Dr. Chi and Dr. Avi playing doctor in the DJ booth. Read my lips: this could be totally hot, it's Miss Blue's birthday, and bands the Dead Betties, Rabia, Cedric Obando and the Broken Condoms, and Insane Fight will be playing. Naughty acts are promised, maybe a human pyramid? At the door, say you are there for Lust.

* Retrosexual, at Fontana's (105 Eldridge St, between Broome and Grand Sts), 8pm, varies.
The Retro: the music is sweet, and there's a rock 'n' roll element to this party. Downstairs, with a cover charge, bands Nite Club, Madam Robot and Deva play on the hour, between 8 and 10. The Sexual: DJs Lupe Loop and Fingersnap spinning funk and classics on vinyl. Wear your vinyl pants, Gina Soldano is going to paint the walls, and that's not even a euphemism.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bang!, at Beauty Bar (231 14th St, between Second and Third Aves), 10pm, Free.
If you click the hyperlink in the Guilty Pleasures' post, you get to see the face of Bill Cosby, adroit commencement speaker and riotous comedian. Tonight at Bang!, join Jimmy Im, Matt Bell and Baby C as they take it a few times 'round the track with Cliff "Combustible" Huxtable as their anchor-runner.

* Dinner With Bronques and the LNP Superstars, at Sapa (43 W 24th St, between Sixth Ave and Broadway), time withheld, Free.
Since everyone loves to be photographed eating, why not stuff your face before you show your stuff on the dance floor? Now you can see where those girls begin at dusk before they end up half-naked in early-morning bathrooms. Everyone knows that you should neither swim nor have a photo shoot within thirty minutes of eating, but we nightlife VIPs like to live dangerously. See pictures of people eating, and convince the Sapa people to invite you invite you here.

* Guilty Pleasures, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Forsyth and Eldridge Sts), 10pm, Free.
Celebrity guest-listing from Britney Spears:
He noticed no one was with me
I started getting so friendly
He told me I was so pretty
I flirted
I'm guilty

* thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
Bring your clippers and get ready for scissors kick-dance moves and better-than-the-Scissor Sisters dance hits. Hostess Shea is having her Aveda graduation party, come out and be self-conscious about your haircut, beg her fellow graduates to cut your hair, and, otherwise, cut a rug on the dance floor as DJs Shanthrax, 'eLe* and Mike Dextro play electroclash, progressive house and 80s. I'll be there, mopping up the floor with your tired dance moves, and begging Shea to cut my moptop.

* The TransMission Party, at Lotus (lower level disco, 409 West 14th St, between Ninth and Tenth Aves), 11pm, RSVP.
Dress in drag, show up before 1am, and get in free. Shifting gears from everything else going in New York, your host of hosts includes the photographer's photographer Merlin Bronques, who will be camera-in-hand to clutch the party as Duke-Music, Dan Cacioppo and special guests transpose vinyl to beatmatch. RSVP to transmissionw@aol.com.

* Whip It, at Stereo (512 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, Free.
Only God knows whether or not your residents Benjamin Cho, Leo Fitzpatrick and the misShapes will play Devo's biggest hit, but, if you ask me, NYC is devolving faster than a whipped racehorse. Delve into this new party hosted by Aron, Sophia Lamar and Steve Rojas, who will be whipping the horses eyes till everyone's dressing the part.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Trashion Premiere Party, at the Plumm (246 W 14th St, between Seventh and Eighth Aves), 10pm, Free.
Tonight, after weeks of planning and farming, GBH premieres its new party, a mix of drinks and music for the fashionable and the trashy. DJ Alex English will be doing his best Dolly Parton impression, playing records and shouting, "It takes a lot of money to look this cheap." RSVP to plumm@gbh.tv for free admission.

* Rock 'n' Roll Karaoke, downstairs at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 9:45pm, $5.
Years ago in college, I appeared in a Rocky Horror stageshow production with the movie projected and us singing over it. The plan was to perform with a live band. Tonight, my dreams (and your like-minded longings) are realized with the return of this New York singing establishment. Featuring the Original Punk-Rock Heavy Metal karaoke band—bring your lighters and wear your leather.

* The Ad Lib, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Stanton and Rivington Sts), 10pm, $10.
Padded by libations, get your early-evening, early-week dance party fix from e frank's opening set downstairs. Stay out late for Carlos D's (of Interpol) set where he'll interpolate songs to form a soundscape even Ian Curtis would be proud of. Lansing-Dreiden perform live at 11:30pm—bring your lances and your dreidels, you'll be spinning like tops all knight.

* Catfight!, at the Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 11pm to 4am.
Come hang out with nightlife intern Bree (as Lady Bree) and her co-DJ Miss Anja as they spin the best in rock 'n' roll, indie, glam, Britpop, 60s, 70s and new wave. Say farewell to Miss Anja before she heads off to Greece for a month, turn the Skinny into an island hop of revelry and catharsis.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Music Makes Me Drunk (at Bad Attitude), at Mundial (505 E 12th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm, Free.
Grabbing the bull by the horns, DJs TKOmri, Fight Cats and S. Valentine invite you to put on your pin-striped pants and Pratt-knot your tie, then belly up to the bar for tonight's Cowboy Special ($5 beer and shot). Lock your feet into the stirrups and stir it up on the dance floor.

* Truth and Rights, at APT (419 W 13th St, at Tenth Ave), 10pm, Free.
The NY Press and OK Player present a night of roots, culture and dancehall reggae selections that will keep you out dancing till the sun is just coming up on the west coast of Jamaica, and you're already late for work. Tonight's DJs are Scratch Famous and DJ Gravy, spinning a gravy boat of stainless steel-shining selections and a love train of rhythms. You can stir it up here, too.

* Where in The World is Oxy Cottontail?, at Sway (305 Spring St, between Greenwich and Hudson Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Next Monday, Oxy Cottontail is headed to Europe with Amanda Blank and Aaron la Crate (diggin' in the crates) for their tour of London, Paris and Berlin. Tonight, Caps and Jones will be providing the tunes for you to twist off bottle caps and get a fix for your early-week dancing Jones.


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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, May 13

* Boys Gone Wild, at mr. Black (75 Bleecker St, at Broadway), 10pm, $10 after midnight; $5 after 4am.
Get your video cameras ready for the infamous towel dance, Johnny McGovern aka "The Gay Pimp", who made a euphemism of soccer practice, has found a new home for his Saturday-weekly Boys Gone Wild party. More exciting than a gym locker with a boombox, this frat-style party is a homoerotic dancestravaganza. Muster all your strength to stay out until 3am, when Honey Dijon (everyone's favorite condiment) spreads a set of NYC underground mixed with Chicago house. Full of Alpha males and Alphabet City personalities, cruise around the go-go boys as resident DJ teksure spins everything from hip-hop and R&B, to rock and pop.

* DJ Uch, at Mocca Lounge (78 Reade St, at Church St), 10pm, Free.
Just when you thought your weekends were too much of the same thing, DJ Uch invites you to check out his eclectic mix of house, electronic, hip-hop and dance. Featuring complimentary appetizers and free shots between 10 and 11pm, and $5 dollar mixed drinks all night, this party proves that there is no such thing as too much of a good thing.

* TisWas 2.0, at the Annex (152 Orchard, between Stanton and Rivington Sts), 10pm, $10.
The tie for my first memory is between Michael Jackson's Thriller (from, like, my crib) and watching a Twisted Sister video on MTV. I remember playing Legos while talking about Poison's "Look What the Cat Dragged In." Tonight, L'il GN'R plays covers of songs written before they were born. That is nothing new… But these pre-teens are probably better than the high school Iron Maiden and Metallica cover bands in Athens, Ohio (Crucifixion Addiction, and Mutilitia, respectively). Stay up past both your and their bedtimes.

Sunday, May 14

* Bad Boy Club, at mr. Black (75 Bleecker St, at Broadway), 11pm to 6am, $10.
Nikko guest DJs this party presented by Man Parrish, the spunky DJ behind the Sperm Party. A new Sunday-weekly of his reputation-making classic house, electro, techno and freestyle, this party is sure to go down in history. Lasting until the wee hours of the morning, there are plenty of other reputation-making (::wink::) elements to see.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Hot Fuckin' Pink NYC Presents: The Ruff Club, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Rivington and Stanton Sts), 10pm, $5.
The location of the official Foreign Islands after party, Sophia Lamar hosts this Asian Pacific tourist spot steamer of a party. Your residents Spencer Product, Denny Le Nimh, 24Court and MicProbes are joined this week by Eamon Harkin, FightCats, S.Valentine and Aaron LaCrate's (... of vinyl).

* Loaded, at Element (225 E Houston St, at Essex/Ave A), 10pm, varies.
Michael T.'s new glam-packed wide-load of a party is a polyamorous, skinny tie and polyester 70s/80s love affair. Gorgeous, cowboy boot-wearin' boys will be following him around the venue, while guest DJs the the Syrup Girls and June D will precede him in the DJ booth. Tonight is the CD release/listening party for Radio 4's new album, and Merlin Bronques will be there; so take some free swag, and get you picture taken. General admission is $15; $5 on the Loaded guest list till midnight; $10 till 1am. RSVP at Loaded@gbh.tv.

Pictured: June D and FightCats. Photo courtesy lastnightsparty.com

* RockEM SockEM, at Otto's Shrunken Head (538 E 14th St, between Aves A and B), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Rock bands'll rock you, and DJs'll get you dancing your socks off. This month, DJs UltraV and Omega will be joined by John Volitans. Go to hear classics, currents of electro and forgotten glam-orous gems. These bands will play from 10pm to midnight: the Kiss Off, Persona and Voodoo Economics.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* The Creature, at Orchard Bar (200 Orchard St), 9pm, Free.
In frightening-creature contrast to the anniversary parties in this posting, this is a going away party in honor of Orchard Bar's May 13th closing. DJs Broccoli, Jagga and Hot Doorknobs will be spinning (turning?) a Frankenstein creature's mix of club bangers, ghetto anthems, indie and monster mash ups.

* Distortion Disko, 1-Year Anniversary, at Duvet (45 W 21st St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), Free (see below).
Electroclash superstar Larry Tee will spin a pink-and-red clashing of fashionable dance hits at this anniversary party for the super-chic, good times event hosted by Kenny Kenny, Sophia Lamar and Amanda Lepore. Featuring a special perfomance by Amanda Lepore, the party is free before midnight on Josh's list. RSVP to josh@joshwoodproductions.com.

* Something Tight, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Eldridge and Forsyth Sts), 10pm, Free.
With summer just around the bend, mp3js Timmy and Telfar invite you to bend over for a wiener roast full of early-90s rollin'-with-the-homies and other Coolio-inspired hits. From 11pm to midnight, enjoy 2-for-1 drinks, and, at 1am, free Sparks and wienies. Bring your buns, they'll have the condiments.

* The L Magazine Third Anniversary Celebration, at Fontana's (105 Eldridge St, between Grand and Broome Sts), 9pm to midnight, Free.
Three years later and still afloat just off the bank of the East River, The L Magazine is throwing a party in their ever-relevant and soon-to-be-glossy quest for the perfect hangover. Music editor Mike Conklin will be playing all the best indie rock released since April, 2003. Bring me print outs of your favorite nightlife blogs, and I will autograph them—I'll be with the conglomerate of hoodie'd revelers. Oh, and there'll be free Carlsberg Beer from 9 to 11pm.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Calling All Kids, at Sapphire Lounge (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
The official Astralworks after party for Phoenix's Bowery Ballroom show will be DJed by Eamon Harkin and Melody Nelson. Hip kids everywhere else will be keeping their mouths tight while they smugly stand on the dance floor, but at this party and "deep inside my heart [I will feel] it was shouting like a crowd dancing." Come celebrate the end of Phoenix's mini US tour. "Can't you hear it calling."

* Electric Live, at Rock 'n' Rare (416 W 14th St, between Ninth Ave and Washington St), 10pm, Free.
Fabulaun hosts this party that's half band showcase and, with DJs Lil Ninja and Thundakat, half danceparty. Each band gets a 20 to 30 minute power set; this week's bands are James Harvey Band, Dealer and the Rudie Crew. Combining the power of rock 'n' roll with dance-inspiring DJs, this party is both a throwback to New York parties of the past, and a catapult of things to come. RSVP electric_live@fabulaun.com.

* Erol Alkan, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $10.
Tonight, Night Time and Fixed combine to bring you London's own Erol Alkan. With seamless balances of music, his alkaline set of acid house will hit all the bases and have plenty of bass. Experimental/Litmus Test DJs JDH (Fixed), and Dave P (Fixed, Nighttime and Making Time) will be making test strips and photo fixeding remixes. It'll be pHat. Advance tickets are available at Other Music.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* After Party for the 3rd Annual Spring Fling, at the Plumm (246 W 14th St, between Seventh and Eighth Aves), 11:30pm, Free with RSVP.
Yuval Eder, and GBH's Tom and Alejandro invite you to this benefit party for Teachers Count. Counting on their fingers, and moving to the head of the class, Claire Danes and Kate Bosworth are Honorary Chairs. Maybe Claire will reprise her Juliet as DJ Alex English refuses his name, instead earning his mfa in rock 'n' roll and hip-hop. RSVP to alejandro@gbh.tv.

* Happy Valley Tuesdays, at Happy Valley (14 E 27th St, between Madison and Fifth Aves), 10:30pm.
Hosted by classic New York socialites, and thrown by Susanne Bartsch and Kenny Kenny, tonight is the birthday party of fabulous New York dandy Patrick McDonald. Larry Tee will be spinning in the disco-ball/golf ball-styled DJ booth. Downstairs, the monthly LOOK party will be prancing and lancing around like only queens searching for knights in basements can.

* Private Mens Club: Women Allowed!, at Black and White (86 10th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm, Free.
Cloistered away like so many turn-of-the-century women's clubs, this party is a pin-striped, straight shooting affair of society men. DJs TKOmri, RobHitt.com and Alex "The Spanish (So) Fly" Suarez cue the band, while hosts Ryland Blackington and Alex Sarti put on their tails and view it all from their box seats. In true co-educational, finishing school style, there'll be a best dress/best tie competition.



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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Cold Hands, at Bembe (81 S 6th St, at Berry St), 9pm, Free.
After a terrifically warm weekend, the work week has welcomed us coldly. Now that we are left with short sleeved-arms and cold hands, warm them up tonight to the sounds of trip-hop, electronica and deep house. Send me a count of fingerless, wool gloves, and I will post it on the blog.

* Ease on Down, at Sin Sin (248 E 5th St, at Second Ave), 10pm to 3am, Free.
Residents Chris Annibell, Qool DJ Marv and OBaH invite you to carry nothing that might be a load. Ease on down the road, and into your work week with a mix of rock, soul, classic hip-hop and world. Pick your left foot up when your right foot's down, and dance.

* Kingdom of Rock, at Three of Cups Lounge (83 First Ave, at 5th St), 9pm to 4am, Free.
With graphic depictions of rock 'n' roll royalty and indie imperialism, host Nick Vivid (of Drag Citizen) will play the greatest of classic and underground rock. Loyal subjects, prepare yourselves for his subjective, empirical lesson in rock history.

* And For Our Friends in Illinois:
Fresh Day is Champaign, at Mike n' Molly's (105 N Market St), 9pm, Free.
The new tenants of what used to be Morrisey Park have moved in. This may have happened weeks ago, but it's sad news to me, so this listing is a threnody. In true bunny-hop-back-into-it style, The Fresh Rabbit (who used to call MP his grazing field) is throwing a party with friends Steve U. (of The Living Blue) and J. Vance. Sort of like the Wind in the Willows, only with Pink Floyd's "Piper at the Gates of Dawn."


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The Skull and Crossfades
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Sure, these parties have been appearing pretty regularly on the blog, but come on: Robots in a Coma and Skull-Fuckers? Toward the end of the month, there are two of these Wednesday night exercises in paradox: on the 24th, special guest Lloydski will play music spanning both poles, and will snowblow your brains out; on the 17, Nik at Nite will join resident Moe Choi with songs that'll make the dancefloor move as a choir of choreography, like those Cosby Show re-runs where the Huxtables lip synch to James Brown and Ray Charles. Goodness, I have spent entirley too much of my life watching Nick at Nite.


Happy Ending, May 17 and 24
Happy Ending. 10am to 4pm.
302 Broome St, at Forsyth St, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-334-9676
Free.
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Prom Promise
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

What is spring without a prom, and what is an ironic hipster dance party without an 80s theme? This event hair-metal-wails of lamé and hairspray, take a journey into your past with the fundraiser's theme "Don't Stop Believin'." Calling for moves unseen since Sidney Poitier's Fast Forward, The Fall Collection is not only committed to seeking out the most promising film, theatre and music artists, but to finding the best movers and shakers in a dance off. DJs Lord Easy and DDREJ will be spinning the best in 80s everything, and want to see you spinning on your head.

Some people dislike gimmicks, but everyone loves awarding themselves prizes: to make extra cash for the fundraiser, the awards for Prom king and queen will be bought by the pair whose sashes have the most sway. Be sure to be around (not, like, out in your car taking swigs of your dad's gin) when they announce what'll happen at the next fundraiser.


The Second Annual The Fall Collection 1980's Prom
The Boys Club of New York. 8pm to 12am.
287 E 10th St, at Ave A, East Village
[6 to Astor Pl]

$10, includes open bar all night.
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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Saturday, May 6

* misShapes, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $10.
Tonight, punk officially dies, and post hardcore officially belongs in a post-modern museum. Other officials? This is the official after party for the Alternative Press' Bamboozle. Be bamboozled by DJs Hunter (AFI), Geoff Rickly (Thursday), Men, Women and Children, redpatterndress (Alternative Press), and Hunter Shaw. Apparently, DJs are not rockstars, but anyone whose band is so last season gets a shot at it tonight. Good thing the booze is cheap from 10pm to midnight.

* Rated X, The Panty Party, Grand Re-Re-Opening and 3-Year Anniversary, at Club Midway (Formerly Scenic, 25 Ave B, between 2nd and 3rd Sts), $10, $5 with invite.
Celebrity guest listing from Pat Benatar:
Pink champagne and diamond rings
Fascinating bright young things
Dancing at the discotechs
Starring from the silver screen
See you in a midnight dream
Rated X

* TisWas 2.0, at the Annex (152 Orchard between Rivington and Stanton Sts), 10pm
TisWas 2.0 and Dim Mak present Pony Up!'s record release party. Inviting you to make love to the judges with your eyes, get down and pony up on the dance floor as DJs Nick Marc and Spiky Phil, and opening DJs/hosts DNA (Dawn and Audra) spin on the main floor and the Soulpushers rock soul, funk, garage and more in the second room.

Sunday, May 7

* Shout!, at Bar 13 (35 E 13th St, between Broadway and University Place), 10pm, Free.
The last time I was at this party there was a block of music the length of three "Freebird"s. Had the lead singers' voices not differed, I would have thought the Notorious Shout! DJs' set was one long song, or a concert from 1976. Terrific!

* Skwair, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts), 10pm, Free.
Expect classics and schmaltz, waltzing and breakdancing, Huey Lewis and news-making hilarity. Cheyo and Thee Other Guy welcome you to their square of the world.



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All Tonight's Fiestas
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bye Bye Aktion!, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm, Free.
Starting next week, Fridays on Second Avenue will be a little less fashionable, and much quieter. After four Aktion-packed years, Justine D is packing up and leaving Lit. Come by for one final, rousing cry of, "Lights, camera, Aktion!"

* Loaded, at Element (255 E Houston St, at Essex/Ave A), 10pm, guestlist: $10 till 1am, general: $15.
Celebrity guest listing from Gwen Stefani:
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
the pay back, the pay back
Cha-ching cha-ching we´re loaded and we´re not gonna blow it

* Pay Day, at Lotus (409 W 14th St, between Ninth and Tenth Aves), 10pm to 4am, guest list: $10; general $20.
Celebrity guest listing from Gwen Stefani, redux:
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
the pay back, the pay back
Cha-ching cha-ching we´re loaded and we´re not gonna blow it

* Super Tramp, at Mocca Lounge (78 Reade St, at Church St), 10pm, Free.
It's a cheap trick to name a party Super Tramp. Tonight, get in your speedwagon and head down to TriBeCa, down by New York's river Styx, for a night of Latin music with arena rock references. Queens and King Crimsons welcome.

* Violator, at the Delancey (168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts), 10pm, Free.
After a few-weeks hiatus, Violator resumes tonight. Hosts Janelle A. and Britneeeek! invite you to dance in the spirit of whichever May Day celebration you align yourself with. Now that your 40-hour work week is over, celebrate like its 1886 by dancing for 8 hours.



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The Best Party Since Sliced Bread
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

With maybe the greatest name for a dance party ever, this seemingly two-times-only late night luncheon has won a permanent place in my heart and stomach. I cannot even describe how much I am in love with this; words are peanut-butter stuck to the roof of my mouth. The party features a grocery store's worth of song selections: aisles of dance rock, rock 'n' roll, electro, 80s, and no express check out, so come and dance all night long. Megan will be tending bar with a tendency toward awesomeness, and Don Piano will be tickling the keys of the turntables, spreading hits like jelly, and really kicking out the jams. Your hosts are showing you as much love as Mom did when she cut your PB and Js into triangles.


Peanut Butter Jelly Time, June 18th and 25th
The Royal Oak. 1pm to 4am.
594 Union Ave, at Richardson St, Williamsburg
[L to Lorimer St; G to Metropolitan Ave]
718-388-3884
Free.
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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Cheeky B*stard, at Hiro Ballroom (The Maritime Hotel, 363 W 16 St, at Ninth Ave), 10pm, Free (see below).
Tonight, residents Alex English and Peter Makebish will be joined by Marko of Sugarcult, who'll be doing his best Elizabeth I impression. Come praise him as he creates a cult of his DJing, full of symbolism that emphasizes reverence for his person and for the monarchy of the party, including a cabinet of hosts. For complimentary admission, rsvp to alejandro@gbh.tv.

* ComaClub, at Galapagos Art Space (70 N 6th St, between Wythe and Kent Aves), 10pm, Free.
Celebrity guest listing from Axl Rose:
Hey you caught me in a coma
And I don't think I wanna
Ever come back to this...world again
Kinda like it in a coma
'Cause no one's ever gonna
Oh, make me come back to this...world again
Now I feel as if I'm floating away
I can't feel all the pressure
And I like it this way
But my body's callin'
My body's callin'

* Motor Inn, at Royal Oak (594 Union Ave), 10pm, Free.
Pinupnyc.com presents an all-girl biker gang's worth of rock 'n' roll dance party. Featuring punk and oi!, this is not a sidecar-spectator event, but a true leather-jacketed affair. Your DJs are Betty (Page?) and Veronica, with guest Ms. Sixty spinning soul. This sounds like a cross between The Wild One and Hunter S. Thompson's Hell's Angels, only with more estrogen.

* Robots in a Coma, at Opus 22 (559 W 22nd St, at Eleventh Ave), 10pm to 4am, Free.
I am going to go for two dangerous-surgery references in as many days: Tonight's event brought to you by skull-fuckers.com is going to create tre-pandemonium. Skate Collection and Reason are co-presenters of the danceparty that's reason enough to grind. DJs Chasekillz and Moe Choi will play only the champagne of danceparty jams, pouring the Moet of song choices.



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Viva la Liberacion!
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

There'll be no better time to tramp around TriBeCa than at this monthly party's celebration of Mexican liberation, full of liberal doses of drink specials and specialty Mojitos. There's only one way better to embrace the culture than by watching the Latin movies playing on plasma TVs, and that's by embracing Latin go-go dancers. Oh, tradition! DJs L.A. Thomas and Uch spin a mix of Latin, house, electronica and hip-hop at this part social science experiment, part guac 'n' roll celebration.


Super Tramp, May 5
Mocca Lounge. 9pm.
78 Reade St, at Church St,

Free.
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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Bang!, at Beauty Bar (231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves), 10pm, Free.
Tonight, "Teflon" Telfar guest hosts a six-shooter of a party, full of body shots and bangin' beats. Bring your bulletproof vest, your DJs Jimmy Im, Carmine and Alexander Technique will be killin' it on the 1s and 2s, with a double-barrel's worth of dance party hits.

* Calling All Kids, at Sapphire Lounge (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm, Free.
Modular Records and your DJs/hosts Eamon Harkin and Melody Nelson present the official release party for the new Wolfmother record. Featuring a guest DJ set from the band, the event is guest- hosted by Tokion Magazine. Just in time for Mother's Day, invite your mom to join your pack of friends howling through this concrete jungle, er, wilderness. RSVP to modular@modularpeople.com.

* Guilty Pleasures, at Happy Ending (302 Broome, between Forsyth and Eldridge Sts), 10pm, Free.
Always eager to provide more choices for your dance party selections, DJs Moe Choi of Skullfuckers, and Lloydski of Turntable Lab invite you to come out for a night of mind-numbing guilty pleasures and laboratory-experiment remixes. If you're looking for gold in the scene, this is where you should do your tre-panning.



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Don't Sleep On This Party
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Perfectly timed to my running out of Action-related West Side Story modifications, Justine D is ending her four-year run at Lit. No better night than Cinco de Mayo to finish on, as she'll go out with a bang of popped balloons and dance jams. Your downstairs DJs will be Dave P (Making Time,) JDH (Troubleman) and Jordan Z (Chicago); upstairs will have Massimo (EVR) and Damian (the Explosion).


Bye Bye Aktion!, May 5
Lit. 10pm.
93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-7987
Free.
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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Dinner With Sophia, at Pizza Bar (49 Ninth Ave, at 14th St), 9pm to 3am, Free.
In the interim between spring break and summer vacation, it seems that there is an influx in half days and school-sponsored pizza parties. In response to children having more fun than adults, Sophia Lamar and Adam Wormseye invite you to a pizza party dance party with residents Melody Nelson and the misShapes.com.

* Private Men's Club, at Black and White (no address, E 10th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm, Free.
DJs TKOmri, Rob Hitt, Alex Suarez and Ryland Blackinton (of Ivy League) invite you to dust off your prohibition-era suits, and pay a visit to their European opium den of party. Like a 20-to-1 mixture of Chicago and Joseph Moncure March's The Wild Party, dress the part for discounted Martinis and Manhattans.

* Reagle Beagle, at mr. BLACK (643 Broadway, at Bleecker St), 11pm, Free.
Spinning commercial sounds mixed with new school pop and rock, Aaron Elvis and Corey TuT invite you to walk like an Egyptian in their 2am Regal Beagle Catwalk Competition. With provided costumes, props and booze, this gay dance party walkoff won't be an event for the dogs, but will have plenty of bones.



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Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders in Bars
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

Every Saturday, Twig the Wonderkid and the Astronettes present a universe of rock 'n' roll, punk and glam—it's always a really big bang. Next Saturday, they have some bangers visiting: the hypersexual DJ pairing of Miss Guy (the lead singer of the Toilet Boys,) and Tommy Hottpants (of the weekly androgynous love-in 'Stache). Weilding a mix of dance hits, Miss Guy will scrub the floor with you. Not to be outdone, Tommy, six-string in hock, will spin fist-pumping anthems and other anathema to 80s-rock sellouts. Oh, and New York Dolls DVD and poster giveaways.


glamdammit, May 13
Rififi. 10pm to 4am.
332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-677-1027
Free.
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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Blue Mondays, at Savalas (285 Bedford Ave, at Grand St), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Post-midnight trains in the middle of the week are terrible. So, Brooklynites looking to do something tonight, this one's for you. Spinning a party in the heart of homogeneous hipsterdom, DJ Box, playing a mix of modern retro, Britpop and new wave classics, invites you to lay your hands upon him and tell him who you are, to tell him how he feels. Dance to a mix of modern retro, Britpop and new wave classics. Monday or not, live before your heart grows cold.

* Homeskool, at the Cock (29 Second Ave, between 1st and 2nd Sts), 11pm to 4am, Free.
Is there a better reason to call in sick tomorrow than catching something at a place called the Cock? Stay out on a school night learning everything your teachers never taught you about chemistry; this downtown gay, rock/alternative dance party with DJ John John Battles is scholarship-awarding extra-curricular activity. Take someone home for either a study-date or some homeschooling.

* Mon-daze, at Sapphire Lounge (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free, $5 after 11pm.
While it's still cool at night, and there isn't a haze of humidity hanging around in the mornings, get out on the dance floor and fog around to the best in house and tech house at one of New York's longest running parties. Get dazed, wake up confused, because, "Everyday [you] work so hard, bringin' home [your] hard earned pay." For more info, email mondaze@aol.com.



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Be the Next Supermodel With the World's First

This is forever away, but, dear blog reader, what is forty some-odd days between friends? It is a rare honor to blog an event made possible by everyone's favorite Wednesday night UPN-cameo go-to girl Janice Dickinson, and Olympic Gold Medalist Carl Lewis. An all ages event for up-and-coming models and actors, and anyone interested in exploring a career in modeling and/or acting, the event boasts seminars, forums and Q&A sessions about modeling, acting, marketing, nutrition, fitness and styling, and networking and open call opportunities with casting directors, agents, producers, photographers, editors, fashion designers, stylists and other industry leaders. Check back here for more blogs about the event: this sounds excellent for you, and I am always looking for an opportunity to ingratiate myself with Janice. For more information, and to register, please visit talentconference.com. UpperTaste Marketing Group is handling the event.


International Talent Conference 2006, June 10
Fashion Institute of Technology. 9am to 5pm.
Seventh Ave at W 27th St, Chelsea
[1,9 to 23rd St]
212-217-7999
Free.
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Weekend Update

Saturday, April 29

* misShapes, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $10.
Okay, so Axl Rose was at misShapes last week, which is simultaneously awesome and terrible. I am in a horrible place (a place full of cowboy boots, kilts, bandanas, vests, aviator sunglasses, Aquanet and cigarettes [Yes, this accurately describes both the linked-picture and misshapes]), somewhere between thinking I must finally be "cool" if I sometimes hang out where Axl hangs, and considering tearing my Use Your Illusion I cassette apart. This week, your guest DJs include "Carmel (Back Door Bambi"), which can only mean she is a a pornstar.

* The Look, at Club Release (161 W 23rd St, between Sixth and Seventh Aves), 10pm, Free with RSVP to thelookisfierce@gmail.com.
Get the jump on Cinco de Mayo. Chase, New York's most fashionable, scantily clad host, invites you to an all-night Mexican hat dance. Timmy and Max Pask will be in the DJ booth doing body shots and swallowing the worm. Telfar will be at the door, doing border patrol.

* TisWas 2.0, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Rivington and Stanton Sts), $10, $5 with invite.
Celebrity guest listing from Sam Cooke:
Twistin', twistin', everybody's feelin' great
Twistin', twistin', they're TisWas-tin' the night away

Sunday, April 30

* I was cruising around looking for hot Sunday night party action when I came across an excellent resource. Now I know what Hank Thompson was talking about in his "Wild Side of Life":
The glamor of the gay night life has lured you
To the places where the wine and liquor flows
Where you wait to be anybody's baby
And forget the truest love you'll ever know


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All Tonight's Parties

* Aktion, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm, Free.
Hostess with the mostess tattoos Justine D invites you out to the issue release party for graf' magazine Day in the Lyfe. DJs Mike Simonetti, Damian, and Massimo would love to turn you on, come out early for the 12 to 1am open Sparks bar, and see how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall. With free copies of the issue, and giveaways all night long, being in Lit's smoky basement is surely better than being anywhere with spray can fumes.

* Hot Pink NYC presents Ruff Club, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Stanton and Rivington Sts), 10pm, $5.
This is unheard of, an afterparty where the performer being honored not only shows up, but performs. Tonight, DJs Spencer Product and Denny Le Nimh, 24 Court and MicProbes invite you to check out Figo as he and guest DJ Japanster celebrate the Figo and Benevento Russo Duo show. Work a look with attitude for host Sophia Lamar, leave the attitude at home to get past Thomas.

* Paul Nahm at B.E.D. (530 W 27th St, 6th Floor, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, Free.
An acrostic poem about the acroymn-ly named venue:

Get uptown, this party is worth the trip.
Open bar? I am not sure… but, either way, tip!

Tonight, your DJs are Kenny Summit, Suraci Spider and Paul Nahm.
Obviously you need to do something, this party goes all night long.

Be there this and every Friday, Kenny hosts this party every week.
Everyone loves a dance party, come out and move your feet.
Drink and dance, it's the weekend, get out and act the freak!

* Michael T.'s "Lotus Finale," at Lotus (409 W 14th, between Ninth and Tenth Aves), 11pm, RSVP.
After two strong years of weekly gigs, Michael T, the only DJ to fruit and flower at the same time, plays Lotus Fridays for the final time. Playing a set from 1 to 4am, witness a biological phenomenon, as he photo-synthpop-izies in the dark. If you know him, you might get free liquor, if you don't, you might get licked. RSVP information is here.

For information on where he is going next, and what will fill his spot at Lotus, check this out.


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TisWas Is Again
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

TisWas features the best of what is, was and will be in New York parties. This weekend, hosts/opening DJs DNA (Dawn and Audra), and DJs Nick Marc and Spikey Phil are once again going up against the terrible twosome of Justine D and Michael T. TisWas vs. Motherfucker, Round 2, will be a battle neither to be missed, nor broken up; danceable garage band Breakup Breakdown play at 11pm. In the second room, Lady Starlight will spin a galaxy of space-age arena rock.


TisWas 2.0, April 29
The Annex. 10pm.
152 Orchard St, Between Rivington and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]

$10; $5 with mention of Shaw Promotion.
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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

* Retrosexual, at Fontana's (105 Eldridge St, between Broome and Grand Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
DJs Lupe Loop, Anna Copacabanna and Inbetween spin 60s, 70s and 80s rock, soul, funk and disco. In Starck contrast to ironic retro-rock, Gina Soldano will present live, spontaneous art.

* Robots in a Coma, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Essex and Ludlow Sts), 10pm, Free.
EWC and skull-fuckers.com present this party at Fat Baby. Skull-fucking, robots in a coma, fat babies? This sounds like a nuclear-apocalpytic fast food nation. With that in mind, have a great time dancing to DJs Moe Choi and Chasekillz, Nit at Nite, and Project Matt.

* Something Tight, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Forsythe and Eldridge Sts), 10pm, Free.
Celebrity guest-listing from Leonard Cohen:
Yeah we're drinking and we're dancing
but there's nothing really happening
and the place is dead as Heaven on a Saturday night
And my very close companion
gets me fumbling gets me laughing
she's a hundred but she's wearing
something tight

* We Care A Lot!, at Happy Valley (14 E 27th St, between Fifth and Madison Aves), 10pm, Free.
The folks behind Enabler, the Crucial Get Down, Follow The Leader, and Don't Change, Don't Ever Change are proud to announce the return and re-location of their party that is more about playing Faith No More, and less about disasters, fires, floods and killer bees. For the premiere, residents Cowboy Mark (Happy Birthday!,) Dirty Jean, Jacques Renault, Max Pask and Marcos Cabral will be joined by JDH, Plastique de Reve (Geneva) and John Player (Zurich.)


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Some people, they like to go out dancing
And other peoples, they have to work, just watch me now!
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, PARTIES

On May 5th, new parties premiere at venues that I have spent a combined total of about forty minutes in:

* Pay Day, at Lotus (409 W 14th St, between Ninth and Tenth Aves), 10pm to 4am, guest list: $10; general $20.
It looks like Lotus will hit pay dirt with their new party featuring DJ Wool playing hip hop and mash-ups. More than just peanuts, Wool's mash-ups, and DJ Angola's underground house, are crunk-ier than crunchy, and smoother than peanut butter. For guest list inquiries, www.gbh.tv.

* Loaded, at Element (255 E Houston St, at Essex/Ave A), 10pm, guestlist: $10 till 1am, general: $15.
The folks behind Cheeky Bastard invite you to a new weekly from Michael T (as Lonesome Cowboy Bill,) Tim Sweeney and Melody Nelson (as Sweet Jane) that will be a terrific reason to sleep all day everyday. Really, who loves the sun? Playing dancerock, electro, rock and roll, new wave and classics, and going until the early morning before they cool it down, this signals a new age in dance parties. For guest list inquiries, www.gbh.tv.


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

* Calling All Kids, at Sapphire Lounge (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm, Free.
Calling All Kids is the inter-contential, trans-Atlantic party from DJs Eamon Harkin and Melody Nelson, and host Nico XO. Tonight's guest DJ is the intersexual, Transylvanian Michael T of Rated X fame. Happy hour goes until 11pm, and drink specials will pop up throughout the night.

* CatSuit, at Climax (14 Ave B, between 1st and 2nd Sts), 10pm, Free.
The party might be ending, so this could be your last chance to wear your catsuit; treat it as if it were your last opportunity to put on your Cub Scout uniform. Earn a merit badge and a $50 grand prize as hosts Soloman, Ka-Ka Katia, Marcelo Cunning, Zac-Attack and Shayne host a 1:30 to 3:00am vogue-ing battle of 90s, house and "bitch tracks," spun by Michael, Cameron, Zac, and Telfar.

* TheKTHNXBYE, at Pianos (178 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
You know that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where Indy, Short Round and Willie Scott are in the middle of the bridge when then come up with the idea to cut it in half? Well, that is sort of the brilliant thinking of these party-throwers. Tonight's party celebrates all things indie, and is the afterparty for Polyvinyl Records' Hail Social show.


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When I Was Six, I Would Dance on My Parents' Television,
Tomorrow, I Will Find the Dancefloor
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

Birthday-cake your make up on, and confetti your hair for the 1-year anniversary of the party from hosts/mp3js Telfar and Timmy D, two boys who were always contented having no girls at their sleepover birthday parties. Come early for 2-for-1 wells and beers from 11pm to 12am, stay around for birthday cake, and the 1am champagne toast. Free Sparks, and banana hammock jello-o shot giveaways all night will have you crawling around like a 1-year old.



Happy Ending. .
302 Broome St, at Forsyth St, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-334-9676

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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

* Audio-Radio, at the Hanger Bar (217 E 3rd St, between Aves B and C), 10pm, Free.
Hosts Ali Chase and Pia Songini invite you to be a part of the audience as guests DJs Jess and Antonio spin a radioactive mix of songs, beatmatching to initiate a chain reaction that will release a huge amount of energy relative to conventional parties.

* Fuseday Tuesday, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Eldridge and Forsyth Sts), 10pm, Free.
This Fuse.tv celebration features Tuesday-weeklies Shit Hammered (upstairs) taking on We Bite (downstairs,) with plenty of F-You's to go around. Your hosts/DJs Darryl-Dane Nau and Spencer Product encourage you to visit the 10 to midnight open bar, and guests KP Lawless and DJ Micprobes will provide the hits for the "pants off dance off" competition at 2am—win a video iPod.

* Private Men's Club, at Black and White (no address, E 10th St, between Third and Fourth Aves), 10pm, Free.
Not a venue for your American Apparel collection or your Hollywood Boulevard sunglasses-at-night, DJs TKOmri, Rob Hitt, and Alex Suarez are as smooth as silk-handkerchiefs, spinning vinyl-that-might-as-well-be-78s in an atmosphere like the '39 Oscars. Tonight's rakish guests are Sean Fightcats and S Valentine. Women welcome.


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Let's Get Medical
CATEGORIES: NIGHTLIFE, UPCOMING PARTIES

Brought to you by John M and Mike Simonetti, this Thursday monthly is the newest installment of the Brooklyn-bound diaspora of downtown dance parties. Featuring Resident DJ Mike Simonetti, and guest DJs Tim Sweeney and Derek Plaslaiko, spinning the best in electro, deathdisco, new wave, no wave and techdance, this might be the best reason to skateboard across the Williamsburg Bridge, after midnight, listening to ...And Justice For All. RSVP to welovecomaclub@gmail.com.


ComaClub, May 4th
Galapagos Art Space. 10pm.
70 N. 6th Street, Between Wythe and Kent Aves, Brooklyn, Williamsburg
[L to Bedford Ave]
718-.78-5188
$5.
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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

* Long Live Stefan Fucking Lockdown, the Lockdown Fundraiser, at Sweet and Vicious (5 Spring St, between Elizabeth St and Bowery), 11pm.
It was November 30th that we lost Stefan, friends rallied then, and are rallying tonight. In his memory, his mother is setting up a scholarship fund. Tonight's party, hosted by Pedro Fiesta, will be one of scholar-, friend- and fellowship. If he is looking down tonight, show him a good time. Donations are encouraged, but not mandatory.

* Oxy Cottontail's Do or Die Birthday Bash, at Sway (305 Greenwich St, between Greenwich and Hudson Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Sure to involve pinning the (Oxy Cotton)tail on the Donkey, it's Roxy Cottontail and Nick Poe's birthday party. This celebration is also a relauch of oxycottontail.com, and the release of the mixedtape Snap or Die. Your DJs are Low Budget and Deluxxx, your open bar is comp'ed champagne between 11pm and 12am.

* Starf*ck, at the Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Eliza Emma is back, and Matty F. is sticking his tongue out; come get some asterisk. There might not be any stars, but I guarantee drink specials enough to get starry-eyed by. There may not be any celebrities on whom you project your lives, but movies will be projected onto the walls.


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Attention All You Suffragette City Pantaloonatics
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

In two weeks, after a panty-less few months, Alphabet City regains its seediness with the return of the seminal jocks 'n' roll party from your hosts Miranda Moondust, Joanna Angel and Duch. Check your pants the at coat check for 2-for-1 drinks on both floors all night, because, hey, your upstairs DJs Zach and Finger on the Pulse want to see you half naked as much as your downstairs DJs Michael T, Theo and Jess want you totally naked at the 2am Hot Body Contest. MC Peppermint Gummybear is back to award a $200 grand prize to the contestant who sprinkles on the sexiness and bares it all. If that is not enough skin, the Flesh perform at 12am.


Rated X/The Panty Party, Grand Re-Re-Opening and 3-Year Anniversary, May 6th
Club Midway (Formerly Scenic). .
25 Avenue B, btw 2nd and 3rd Sts,

$10, $5 with invite.
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Weekend Update
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

Saturday, April 22

* Bank: DJ Nita, at Element (225 E Houston, at Essex St/Avenue A), 10pm, Free before 11pm (see below.)
This Saturday is the release party for the fourth installment of "We Know You," the after-club-poetry-zine. Titled, "Te Amo, Basura," the issue is dedicated to female poets obsessed with unrequited love. Josh Wood invites you to be obsequious while moving your hips, admission is free before 11pm and $10 before 12:30am if you rsvp to info@joshwoodproductions.com.

* Boys Gone Wild, at mr. Black (75 Bleecker St, at Broadway), 11pm to 6am, $10.
Celebrity guest-listing from Johnny Cash:
(Spoken) He rode easy in the saddle. He was tall and lean, and at first you'd a-thought nothing but a streak of mean could make a man look so down right strong, but one look in his eyes and you knowed you was wrong. He was a mountain of a man, and I want you to know. He could preach hot Hell or freezin' snow. He carried a Bible in a canvas sack and folks just called him The Reverend Mr. Black. He was poor as a beggar, but he rode like a king. Sometimes in the evening, I'd hear him sing…

* "They Died Before Their Time," at Avalon (47 W 20th St, at Sixth Ave, Spider Club VIP entrance off Sixth Ave), 10pm, Free.
Celebrity guest-listing from Willie Nelson:
On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again,
And I can't wait to get on the road again.

Sunday, April 23

* Bad Boy Club, at mr. Black (75 Bleecker St, at Broadway), 11pm to 6am, $10.
Nikko guest DJs this party presented by Man Parrish, the spunky DJ behind the Sperm Party. A new Sunday-weekly of his reputation-making classic house, electro, techno and freestyle, this party is sure to go down in history. Lasting until the wee hours of the morning, there are plenty of other reputation-making (::wink::) elements to see.

* Indie Night School Presents "Fuck 'Shows,' Throw Parties," at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 3 to 5pm.
Celebrity guest-listing from Pete Townshend:
Night School
Nocturnal education
Night school
Nocturnal education
(W)
We are the one tonight
(X)
Excepting only the dead
(Y)
You ain't been listening to a word I said!
(Z)
Yea!


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All Tonight's Parties
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

* La Strada, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, Free.
Celebrity guest-listing from Willie Nelson:
On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again,
And I can't wait to get on the road again.

* Mondo, at Luke & Leroy (21 Seventh Ave S, between Bedford and Leroy Sts), 10pm to 3am, Free. Put on your least-humble mod sweater and your most-Humble Pie hairstyle for this twee, bi-monthly dance party with Miss Modular, Dr. Maz, Kevington and Michael Grace Jr. Cuteness is back, and non-pretention is the rule.

* Night Time, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $10. Lansing Dreiden, who I can only imagine sound like a cross between a Michigan-based band and a misspelling of a German city (so, like... bedroom pop with Kraftwerk influences?), play tonight before, in tandem, residents Tim Sweeney, Dave P. and Justine D. spin a Tour de France of tracks from DFA Remixes, Chapter One. Advance tickets available at Other Music.


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Finally: Your Chance to See Them in the Daylight
CATEGORIES: TALKS, PARTIES

As a professional socialite and amateur sociologist, I appreciate events like this generation-bridging presentation whose demographic is both my parents (who do not quite get the "scene") and kids who have been to, like, one party in their lives, and think that qualifies them to throw their own weeklies. This installment of Indie Night School, in Pianos' upstairs lounge, is a course in "how to turn blah indie shows into orgiastic events." Your panel of sybarites: Aspen (Suicide Girls), Bronques (Last Night's Party), Andy Shaw and Amylu (Shaw Promotion), and your professors in training, Michael T and Justine D (Motherfucker). For more information, visit indienightschool.blogspot.com or email Tom at tom@theblackspoons.com.


Indie Night School Presents "Fuck 'Shows,' Throw Parties," Sunday, April 23
Pianos. 3 to 5pm.
158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-505-3733

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All Tonight's Parties

* Filter/Honda Fit Party, at Skylight Studios (275 Hudson St, between Spring and Dominick Sts), 8pm to 2am, Free.
Celebrity guest-listing from Sir Mix-a-lot:
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun.

* Rotten Apple, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Stanton and Essex Sts), 8pm to 4am, Free (upstairs); $6 (downstairs.)
is the freshest party in the city, featuring a direct-from-the-farm selection of the best-produced beets in new music. For the wholesale price of $6, you can see Brown Belt, Faces on Film, A Brief Smile, and The Armyorwhatever playing downstairs from 8 to 12. Upstairs, catch DJs Justin (!!!), Gerald (Crashin' In), and RA residents Paulie and Leo.

* SoulPusherNYC: 12 to 1am Michael Jackson Hour, at the Delancey (168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts), 9pm to 4am, FREE with rsvp@soulpushernyc.com.
Celebrity guest-listing from Vincent Price:
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'awl's neighborhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of Hell
And rot inside a corpse's shell.


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Chelsea Evenings, Chelsea Mornings
CATEGORIES: PARTIES

Here are the two parties I am most excited about for this weekend, and who knew, they're at Crobar and Avalon:

* La Strada, Friday, April 21 at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves): On what would have been Anthony Quinn's 90th birthday, come to a free screening of La Strada. Crobar is always a sensory overload, but this music and film dovetailing will be a workout for even the most-experienced dancefloor funambulist. Get there early for the complimentary cocktail reception from 10 until 11:30 in the Reed VIP Room. You and your guests receive free admission from 10pm to midnight, tell Chris AC you are there for "the Film Party."

* "They Died Before Their Time," Saturday, April 22 at Avalon (47 W 20th St, at Sixth Ave, Spider Club VIP entrance off Sixth Ave): Danny the Wonder Pony and Baird Jones present an exhibition of art by James Dean, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Keith Haring, Yves Klein, Congo the Chimp, Robert Mapplethorpe and Wols. Get there early for a private vodka mixed drinks reception from 10 to 11:30pm. You and your guests receive free admission from 10pm until midnight, tell Cris you are there for "the Art Party."


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All Tonight's Parties

* Calling All Kids, at Sapphire (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm, Free.
Tonight, Eamon Harkin and Melody Nelson's trans-Atlantic Atlantis of a dance party welcomes Parisian DJ GATeAN (pronounced Gay-Town? Qui!) Host Nico XO will be doing his best Uptown Girl, this is the official afterparty for Billy Joel's MSG show.

* Shindig!, at 60 Gansevoort St (Between Washington and Greenwich Sts), 9pm, $15.
Some say I'm crazy
'Cause I'm pushin' up daises
The underground sound that you have found
Amazing, outstanding, demanding
Commanding you people dancin'
That's a breath taker
I produce AKA the undertaker
You want to come down to the underground
Old school - here's a shovel can you dig it fool?

* Thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton), 10pm, Free.
It's resident DJ Mike Dextro's birthday party, so co-residents Shanthrax and 'eLe* along with host Shea (and you!) are celebrating with a wear-your-red-lipstick hang out/make out party in the style of Winnie Cooper's birthday party, the possibility of the 13 Going on 30 "7 Minutes in Heaven" and the potential of the pre-suicide Lisbon sister's mixer. This time, no one gets left on a football field.


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Bring Your Shinguards

Get your video cameras ready for the infamous towel dance, Johnny McGovern aka "The Gay Pimp", who made a euphemism of soccer practice, has found a new home for his Saturday-weekly Boys Gone Wild party. More exciting than a gym locker with a boombox, this frat-style party is a homoerotic dancestravaganza. Muster all your strength to stay out until 3am, when Honey Dijon (everyone's favorite condiment) spreads a set of NYC underground mixed with Chicago house. Full of Alpha males and Alphabet City personalities, cruise around the go-go boys as resident DJ teksure spins everything from hip-hop and R&B, to rock and pop.


Boys Gone Wild, April 22
mr. Black. .
75 Bleecker, at Broadway,


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All Tonight's Parties

* Catfight!, at the Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton), 11pm to 4am, Free.
Tonight, Miss and Anja and Lady Bree present a kittenish Easter egg hunt. Get down with DJ Bobby Downs from the ironically named Pin-Up party, while Miss Katie, of Artland and Boogaloo fame, proves herself an artisan of boogaloo with a mix of 60s and 70s. Oh, and Die Die Die! (Not a command, the band.)

* Damaged Goods, at mr. Black (75 Bleecker, at Broadway), 10pm, Free.
Hey, everyone: A dance party with amateur models.

* Dinner with Sophia, at Pizza Bar (49 Ninth Ave, at 14 St), 9pm to 3am, Free.
Finally giving you an excuse to look smug while eating pizza, your hosts Sophia Lamar and Adam Wormseye invite you to enjoy a slice of hipster life. The MisShapes and Melody Nelson top off the evening.

* Happy Valley Tuesdays: Joanna's Angels 2, at Happy Valley (14 E 27th St, between Fifth and Madison Aves) 10pm, Free.
Hey, everyone: A dance party with amateur porn.

* LA Hates You, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Stanton and Rivington Sts), 10pm, Free.
It does, in fact, the entire west coast hates our freedom. To celebrate, resident DJs the Vet, Jacques Renault, Ilirjana, Max Pask, Biet and the lovely E Frank (El Frank Baum!) spin a too-cool-for-school mix of rock 'n' roll danceparty hits.


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'Dig It

At first, the $15 admission seems a little intense, but your hosts Louise Fenton, Brion Isaacs and Franco V give it back to you in the form of all the alcohol you can put in your body. A renaissance movement of a party, Wednesday's DJs are Will from the Mooney Suzuki (who played last month's party), and (oh, my!) Max from Lions and Tigers. Featuring work by a long and impressive list of artists, a clothing exhibition from Fightcats, and a shovelful of music from Five O'Clock Heroes, the Blue Van, Franco V and the High Class Elite, and Murder Mystery, this Shindig has three nights of parties where one should be.


Shindig!, April 19
60 Gansevoort St. 9pm.
60 Gansevoort St, between Washington and Greenwich Sts,

$15.
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All Tonight's Parties

* Blow Mondays, at Fatbaby (112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts), 10pm, Free.
Sounding like she took her alias from Mick Mars, tonight's host Veronica Vain brings you a party of goth, glam and rock 'n' roll. DJ Latina Turner will spin all the tunes you "ike" to dance to. A rolling-on-the-river, never-ebbing flow of apologies for the Ike pun, and for the construction of this apology.

* Elefant CD Release Party, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Rivington and Stanton Sts), 10:30, Free.
In honor of Tuesday's release of The Black Magic Show, Elefant will play a free show as a sort of all-these-kids-are-black(magic)out-drunk practice before tomorrow's Tower Records (the 4th and Broadway location) in-store.

* Karaoke Killed the Cat, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
At 10, Chris "yes, the teeth are real" Goldteeth and Mr. Mattcoats host a karaoke dance party full of guilty pleasures and crowd surfing.
From 8 to 10, Shandi Sullivan, to whom I owe a phone call, spins 80s tunes.

* Show and Tell, at Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery, at Bleecker St), 10pm, $3.
This no-holds-barred open mic is in a bar—it is only natural, then, that mid-way through the evening there is a beer-chugging contest. Fulfilling their 15-minutes of fame, the O'Debra Twins host. Each performer gets seven minutes.


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The Fit is Go!

To celebrate the arrival of the Honda Fit, Filter Magazine is presenting a night of music appreciation packed like a clown car with special guests: Dave P and Justine D will keep you dancing until most of New York is in in their PJs, and JDH's set will be a post-midnight PB&J snack. If vinyl is not enough of a throwback for you, the Walkmen will play with special guests the Duke Spirit. The car has "distinct interior configurations," but space in the venue is limited. Your RSVP is required at rsvpNYC@filtermmm.com.


Filter/Honda Fit Party, April 20
Skylight Studios. 8pm to 2am.
275 Hudson St, between Spring and Dominick Sts,

Free.
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Weekend Update

Saturday, April 15

* Advance Screening Party, at Zenergy- The Skyloft (519 W 36th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 9pm, $10.
Featuring a screening of Semi-Precious-Weapons first music video—this loft party is a multi-cultural orgasm, with performances from the SPW, and a DJ set from BP Fallon (the internationally know photographer/publicist, and the man behind Death Disco.) If video, live music and a DJ are not enough to get you to go above 28th St, there will be a photo exhibit from photographer/fashion designer Tommy Couture. For the tip, mad props to my sister.

* David Waxman, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, $20 Advance/$30 door.
David Waxman, who began his career as a resident at the Roxy, before sharing a residency with Junior Vasquez at Twilo, will celebrate the release of his new wax (er, album) UItra Electro at this official release party.

* Mad Suspect, at Savalas (285 Bedford Ave, between Grand and S 1st Sts), 10pm, Free.
Doing their part to promote the dissemination of dance parties and the insemination of party-goers, the Cut boys present a new monthly dance party in Williamsburg. Apparently, co-hosts/resident DJs the Captain and Shark made it across (or out of) the East River. Tonight's guests are Star Eyes (the Syrup Girls) and Drop the Lime.

* MisShapes, at Don Hill's (511 Greenwich St, at Spring St), 10pm, $10.
Join EVR, the MisShapes and guest DJs French Kicks for the official Ladytron afterparty. A night of Vince-Neil's-driving-inspired destroying-everything-you-touch and French Kick-starting hearts, get drunk and rowdy like any number of 80s rockers whose careers were over before most of the patrons were born.

* Robot Rock, at Movida (28 Seventh Ave S, between Leroy and Bedford Sts), 10pm, Free on gbh.tv's list.
Happy Birthday Movida!

Sunday, April 16

* Libation (Excursion into Soul), at Element (225 E Houston St, at Essex St/Ave A), 6pm, $5.
The guy's name is DJ Ian Friday and his party is on a Sunday? How Post-Modern. How innovative… Almost as forward-thinking as his monthly party of deep house and world grooves.

* Shout!, at Bar 13 (35 E 13th St, between Broadway and University Place), 10pm, Free.
The last time I was at this party there was a block of music the length of three "Freebird"s. Had the lead singers' voices not differed, I would have thought the Notorious Shout! DJs' set was one long song, or a concert from 1976. Terrific!

* Skwair, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts), 10pm, Free.
Expect classics and schmaltz, waltzing and breakdancing. Huey Lewis and news-making hilarity. Cheyo and thee Other Guy welcome you to their square of the world.

* Smash It Up!, at Niagara (112 Ave A, at 7th St), 10pm, Free.
Is there anything more punk rock than a Sunday night dance party? While the squares are at home sleeping, the asymmetrical clothes come on and geometrically inspired hairstyles are Elmer's-glued up.


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All Tonight's Parties

* Dirty Down, at Lit (53 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm, Free.
Even Walt Whitman loves Dirty Down.

* Humdinger, at Element (225 E Houston St, at Essex St/Avenue A), 8pm, $5.
House music returns to the LES with the premiere of this bi-monthly party presented by Bruce Tantum of TONY, featuring a DJ set from Play (Jay Lee, Pete Sung and Don Vu.) They will play a national park's worth of underground house, with plenty of splinter-genres included. A real humdinger of a party; no one, not even the hummingbird, will be able to count how many beats per minute these songs have.

* Michael T, at Opaline (20 W 39 St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), 1am.
At 1am tonight, Michael T will do his best Eliot Ness impression while singing three songs (Bowie, Roxy Music and the Cars) with the Untouchables, Area 10018's house band. If you saw his birthday performance, then you know how fantastic a performer he is. Also, then you know that he does not share the stage with anyone.

* Paul Oakenfold, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm, $40 advance, $50 door.
Paul Oakenfold, who was recently voted the number one DJ in the world by readers of DJ Magazine, returns to New York still holding the title of having the top-selling Global Underground disc. Opening tonight is Liquid Todd, who hosts and spins "Solid State" on K-Rock every Saturday, and "The Liquid Todd Show" on Sirius Satellite Radio.


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6's and 8's Violates Their Contract, Violator Moves to the Delancey

After a world of miscommunication on everyone's end, I finally have an update on Violator, Friday night's most mobile party. Text or call your friends, spread the word that tonight's party will be the last Violator until it resumes on May 5. Tonight's Violator at the Delancey is a preview of things to come. Resident (um...) DJ Ian Cogneato has joined hosts Britneeeek! and Janelle A. in leaving their dicey mother venue and, guess what, now the party is free. Tonight, Sean Fightcats! and S. Valentine are abandoning screen printing for turntablism, and E Frank will provide as many songs as reasons she needs to give me for not changing her alias to El Frank Baum. Also, go-gos to adore and drink specials galore.


Violator, April 14
The Delancey. 10pm.
168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-254-9920
Free.
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All Tonight's Parties

* C.O.R.E., at Mixx Lounge (84 Seventh Avenue S, between Bleecker and Grove Sts), 7pm-ish, Free.
A full metal jacket of a party, C.O.R.E. stands for Choimatic on the Run Eatin'. Your host is DJ Moe Choi of Robots in a Coma/Skullfuckers. The good part is the 2-for-1 drink special and free dinner buffet; the bad part is that you have, "exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face."

* Something Tight: Huevos Grande, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Forsyth and Eldridge Sts), 10pm, Free.
A briar patch of pop hits, hip-ity-hop and guilty pleasures, mp3js Telfar and Timmy (as little bunny Foo Foo) invite you to come bop your head and, at 1am, scoop up free deviled eggs and Easter treats like they were field mice. Wear your bunny ears for the good fairy. Dress: Your Sunday best.

* Stache, at Beauty Bar (231 14th St, between Second and Third Aves), 10pm, Free.
Be at Stache tonight to hear the debut of Debbie Harry's (Hare-y's?) new single. It's about Lil' Kim, so maybe she'll rap like she did in "Rapture." (No Easter jokes, please.) The usual band of misfits will be there: Tall, purse-swinging drag queens, and short, fist-pumping punk anthems.

* Starshine Burlesque, at Rififi (331 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm, $5.
Little Brooklyn and (for the holiday, Cadbury) Creamy Stevens host this sexy show of comedy, music, dance and good, old-fashioned burlesque. These Easter-bunnies sure know how hop. No "egg"� jokes here, please.


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International Dance Hits and International Musicals

This weekend is an all-Eurotrash event with resident DJ Alex English and guest Crash Berlin bringing a wall of sound to the Cabaret, er, venue, which features a setting sun motif reminiscent of a set from "South Pacific." With "Fiddler on the Roof"-inspired 2-for-1 vodka drinks from 2 to 3am, and myriad international-celebrity-sightings, New York Magazine has declared this party the best Saturday club night. Although it boasts a mix of dance-rock, 80s and new wave, RR is losing its indie-cred as it gains popularity, with patrons who look like employees of credit card companies based in "Mama Mia"'s mother country. While Alex puts english on his records, bump and grind downstairs to DJ Wool's "The Weir"-inspired hip-hop classics. For complimentary admission, follow directions at gbh.tv.


Robot Rock: Movida's 1-Year Anniversary
Movida. .
28 Seventh Ave S., between Beford and Leroy, West Village
[1,9 to Houston St]


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All Tonight's Parties

* Calling All Kids, at Sapphire Lounge (249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm, Free.
The image I get from this party is of children with tin-can-and-string telephones — the difference here is the cans are bottles, and they are of the $4 Bud, PBR and Rolling Rock variety. It finally feels like spring, so put playing cards in the spokes of your tires and stay out past curfew to hear Denny Le Nimh guest DJ.

* Cat Suit, at Climax (14 Ave B, between 1st and 2nd Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
The results of the 2-for-1 drink special from 10 to 11, and free Sparks at 1 might be mortifying, but, frankly, I always think of hairshirt when I hear Cat Suit. Telfar and guests get catty upstairs, while, downstairs, Kim-Ann and Andy Butler present a through of throw-backs and tough-guy rock songs at their "Miss Piggy Says."

* Mikie Likesit and Co. Host Marquee, at Marquee (289 Tenth Ave, between 26th and 27th Sts), Free.
It's Melissa Burns' birthday. Mention Mikie Likesit at the door and skip the line. If that does not work, change outfits, put on a (different) wig and drop Nico XO at the door. Party tip: Because I am connected. Second Attempt Suggestion: Stolen from middle school kids trying to get into R-rated movies.

* Thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
Host Shea and DJs Shantrax, Mike Dextro and 'eLe* love the full sound of stereo and the clickity-click of typewriters, but what they love more are themed parties, particularly this week's stereotype-themed party. In the style of 2002's Morrissey (come-dress-as-your-favorite-suicide) party, where I was an anglophile hardcore kid "choking on my own emo," this party encourages you to mock yourself, mock others, mock New Jersey. Come dressed as a cop, and do some profiling.

* Zeitgeist, at Sway (305 Greenwich St, between Hudson and Greenwich Sts), 10pm, Free.
Everyone makes mistakes, like how, in the last issue of The L, Zeitgeist was listed as a Thursday night event. I received mail (twice!) over this, and the listing has been corrected, but what they say on their myspace page is gestalt in the wound.


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Oh Captain, The Captain
(with apologies to Walt Whitman)

1
The New York Press! Cut! And the Captain! present Dirty Down;
After you have weathered the work week, the prize you sought is won;
Friday is near, about the 11 to 12 open Sparks bar, the people are exulting,
While follow eyes the Cut parties, the events grim and daring:
But two floors! Two floors! Of dancing!
O, the beading drops of sweat,
Where on the decks the Captain spins,
Dancing warm and wet.

2
DeathGrip! of RoxyPain!, See him DJ upstairs;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the DJ plays;
Drink specials and song requests—your DJs are for crowd-pleasing;
Come to see your friends, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Hear Captain! dear Patrick!
And downstairs Kimyon; will DJ a perfect mix;
He is a dream on the decks,
He'll make you feel like a minx.

3
Do not try for conversation, it will be too loud to answer, especially
during a special live performance of Mr. Andersonic's skill;
The party goes until 4, then Lit will be closed and done;
After a night of dancing, go home with object won;
Exult, you partiers, and ring in the dawn!
Find me, with snaggled tooth,
For listing the party and going on and on,
With free drinks, and in the DJ booth.


Dirty Down, April 14
Lit. 10pm to 4am.
93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-7987
FREE.
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All Tonight's Parties

* Bathroom Lines and Deviant, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Bathroom Lines: Your hosts Kariem Obscene (who I met in a bathroom line) and Maurice Blitz (who I met at an illegal afterhours party) invite you to camp out, stand on line, or dance to the rock 'n' roll mayhem they spin. Upstairs.
Deviant: The blond, asymmetrically hair-styled Brendon James invites you to get Trash!-ed and to Smash it Up! at his delinquent party whose ethos is to embrace anomie. Downstairs.

* Happy Valley Tuesdays, at Happy Valley (14 E 27th St, between Madison and Fifth Aves), 10:30pm, Free.
Susanne Bartsch and Kenny Kenny are throwing a party in honor of the launch of the new Patricia Field store at 302 Bowery. A fully-plastic Amanda LePore (doll) will be unveiled, and the proceeds from the auction to follow will benefit the DIFFA organization. Always a different kind of orgy, tonight's DJs are Tommie Sunshine and DJ Ryan.

* The Official Wolfmother After Party, at the Hanger Bar (217 E 3rd, between Aves B and C), 10pm, Free.
Modular Records presents an after party featuring Dangerous Dan (Bang Gang) and — a gang of wolf-motherfuckers — Justine D and Dave P. Come howl at the moon like a wolf cub, and dance on the bar like you were at Coyote Ugly.


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A Real Thriller of a Party

After a protracted Spring Break, the Soulpushers got to Wanna Be Startin' Something', and are back to welcome the new season with a three-floor dance party that will make you lose your tops and shake your bottoms. From top to bottom: The roof is a covered-and-heated smoker's deck, with plants and fish (I think?) to create the perfect setting for cruising. The main floor features DJs June D, DJ Baron and TKOmri — You can have either of the boys, The Girl is Mine — spinning funk, soul, electro, indie-pop and garage rock. With $3 Jameson shots from 10pm to midnight (on all three floors?), and a dance floor for all your moonwalking needs, the groundfloor seems to be the main point of interest. In the basement, starting at 10pm and going through 12am, three bands will play: Kristeen Young, Jonny Lives! and the Mood. And omigod, at 12am there will be an all-Michael Jackson hour. (Please request Billie Jean.) To show their Human Nature, the Onion, Filter Magazine, Jameson, Crunch Fitness and Shaw Promotion have all agreed to give away free swag.


SoulPusherNYC, April 20
The Delancey. 9pm.
168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-254-9920
Free with rsvp to rsvp@soulpushernyc.com.
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All Tonight's Parties

* Screw York City, at Sway (305 Spring St, between Greenwich and Hudson Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
Tonight, publicist, entrepreneur and party animal Fiona Bloom is celebrating her birthday. Your bouquet of DJs includes Rapid Ric and DJ Elle. Presented by Houston So Real and Oxy Cottontail, the 11:30 champagne toast is complimentary, but you'll have to pay for screwdrivers. Stay out all night dancing, and, at dawn, photosynthesize.

* Deep Space, at Cielo (at 18 Little W 12th St, between Ninth Ave and Washington St), 9:30pm to 3:30am, $10; $5 before 10pm.
Get your space suits on and your glowsticks cracked for this weekly dubby house party with Francois K. This week, Infinity presents new dub poems, and Deep Space has never sounded so good. Next week is Deep Space's third anniversary, go celebrate with poet and recording artist Ursula Rucker.

* Starf*ck, at the Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 10pm, Free.
Did anyone else see either the Gawker Stalker or myspace-stalking features on Dateline this weekend? Be smart out there, kids... But it was my entire life in one episode: Blogging and myspace. This party is perfectly-timed, then, for all you starfuckers. No promises (and no bets) on celebrity sightings. Although, I just heard from my sister about her time at Hef's 80th birthday party. Go Gawker-Stalker his mansion and her celebrity elbow-rubbing (which, she assures me, was just that: elbows.)


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Meet mr. Black

mr. Black is New York's new gay dance den and bar, a venue full of guest talent, special events and other highlights. Here is a brief round-up of parties coming up in the next few weeks, every one with a side of go-go boys.

* Damaged Goods, April 18, 11pm, No Cover.
This Tuesday weekly saunters through Manhattan boasting a 2am Regal Catwalk Competition (wardrobe, props and booze provided by mr. Black) that features prizes ranging from campy to bizarre. DJ Aaron Elvis is known for his mash-ups, and Corey Tut's residencies have included The Slide, BoysRoom, Opaline and Therapy. Keep it here for updates on special guest performers.

* What's that Stank?, April 19, 11pm, No Cover.
Christy Love, W. Jeremy and Seth Kirby (fresh from his performance at WMC) welcome those who truly love house music to this new Wednesday weekly remembering, with a modern outlook, the old days of electronic music.

* Fag Machine!, April 20, 11pm, $5.
Spencer Product, the mustache behind both and We Bite, opens for Spunk'd's John John Battles at their new Thursday weekly. Dance like a dancing machine to rock, electro and pop. Actual line from the press release: "Each week, Fag Machine puts out a featured Fag-of-the-Week host to bring a new set of Gothamite Sodomites to mr. Black."



mr. Black. .
75 Bleecker, at Broadway,


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Weekend Update

Saturday, April 8

* Bank.
Terromoto de Alcorcón, the ahead-of-her-time singer behind the "Time Gous By Con Loli" spoof of Madonna's "Hung Up," performs for the first time in the United States.

* Boris' Big Birthday Bash, at Crobar (530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 11pm, $20 advance; $30 at the door.
Crobar boasts about their 3,000 capacity, their multiple rooms and their top DJs. What no one tells you is their collection of coat-check-room photographs rivals any family-owned pizza parlor. Take a look at the photos and, if you can, pose for a photo with Boris, tonight's birthday boy. With performances and décor by Cameleon, you are in charge of bringing a cake.

* FreeNYC Anniversary Party, at Galapagos, 70 N 6 St, 10:30 to 4:00, Free (but RSVP).
FreeNYC turns two years old, and is celebrating with 6 DJs and 2 live acts playing everything from hip-hop, grime jams and prom favorites, to dancefloor techno and live funk. Free passes to the Bodies exhibit for the first 50 people, and Snoozer Looser gift bags to the last 25 standing! Bands/DJs: Chin Chin (live), The Bangers, Drop The Lime, Greenways8 (live), Math Head, DJ Moe Choi, Justin Carter and DJ Shakeyface.

* Glamdammit.
Michael T and Theo DJ this weekend's event hosted by Twig the Wonderkid and the Astronettes. Here is a galaxy of information.

* Student Showcase from the School of Burlesque, at The Slipper Room (167 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 8pm, $5.
Professor Jo Boob's graduating class will demonstrate the expertise they've learned in workshop. See them bump 'n' grind, shimmy, tassel-twirl, flourish and finish with big reveals. Scheduled to perform: Agent N, Cherry Pitz, Cherokee, Didi Chameleon, Dizzy Swank, Lady Rigel, Lizzka, Pandora, Pookie, Patootie, Remy Vicious and RunAround Sue.

Sunday, April 9

* Bowery Kids, at Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery, between Houston and Bleecker Sts), 11:30 doors, 12 to 1pm, $6.
BPC has announced they will start having kid-friendly, fun, interactive shows every Sunday. This weekend, Salieu Suso and Jaliya Kafo will lead a lesson in African storytelling as Frank Marino plays percussion to go along with the stories.

* Byte.
A fetish party? Fake blood? Amazing.


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All Tonight's Parties

* Aktion, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free.
An actual conversation between DJ Fucci (as Riff,) Justine D (as A[k]tion,) JDH (as Gee-tar,) my sister (as A-Rab) and me (as Ice):
Riff: Now I know Tony like I know me and I guarantee you can count him in [for the 12 to 1 Sparks bar downstairs, just mention the Sparks stamp at the door]
A[k]tion: In, out, let's get crackin'
Gee-tar: Where you gonna find [Jacques Renault]?
Riff: He'll be [spinning downstairs with you] at the dance tonight at [Lit]
A-Rab: But [Lit's] neutral territory
Riff: A-rab, I'm gonna make nice with him! I'm only gonna challenge him!
Ice: Great daddy-o.

* The Hot Fuckin' Pink Presents: Ruff Club, at the Annex (152 Orchard, between Stanton and Rivington Sts), 10pm to 4am, $5.
The Deal: Sophia Lamar, the MisShapes, a Re-Opening. Nothing new today to report, so take a look at this. Sorry to repeat. Here's to them playing N.W.A's "If It Ain't Ruff." Seriously, look at the lyrics.

* Super*Tramp, at Mocca Lounge (78 Reade St, at Church St), 10pm to 4am, Free.
There's a new monthly party in Tribeca begging for Supertramp references, a party where you can go home with someone so as not to have to say, "Good-bye stranger." Featuring a different theme every month, hot male and female go-go dancers, video installations and a VIP room, this is prime real estate for kings without castles, and queens without thrones. Tonight's theme is the tastefully tacky "Porn shop Meets Tribeca." Encouraging you to simulate/stimulate the fantasy, to "Feel no sorrow, feel no shame" tonight's dress code is: kinky, fabulous, elegant, electro glam – "they'll be calling you a radical, liberal, fanatical, criminal." DJs L.A. Thomas and Audi Mansell are your hosts, asking you to give a little bit of your love to them.

* Violator, at 6's and 8's (205 Christie St at Stanton St), 10pm to 4am, $5.
This party is famous for mixing young-looking go-go dancers with young professionals. Topless dancers are customary, but tonight your DJs are custom-made shirt designers Sean Fightcats and S. Valentine. They will be tearing each other's shirts off in a teeth-gritting, to-the-flesh DJ battle. Actually, the dancers are bottomless, too – where are the jean-designers?

Pictured: Sean Fightcats wearing S. Valentine


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Burning Up

Later this month, when spring fever is an epidemic, New York's wildest Tuesday night affair will do some heating up by welcoming the Burning Angels. At this premiere party for Joanna's Angels 2, the video will play at 11 and free copies will be given away all night. Not to be outdone by amateur tassle-twirling, Hustler swag will be available. Peppermint Gummybear and Co. will dole out a $100 prize to the freshest peach at the end of the 2:30 amateur strip contest, but your presenters and hosts are tip-top professionals: Susanne Bartsch, Kenny Kenny and the T&A team of Michael T and Joanna Angel. Larry Tee will be upstairs doing a set of hole-in-one-hit-wonders, and you can find Justine D, DJ Jess and Ryan McKnight in the basement-as-dungeon, playing swords and cross-bow fading. Stay late for live Burlesque acts, but queue up early for comp'ed drinks from 10:30 to 11:30.


Happy Valley Tuesdays: Joanna's Angels 2, April 18
Happy Valley. .
14 E 27th St, between Fifth and Madison Ave, Chelsea
[N,R,W to 23rd St]
212-481-2628

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All Tonight's Parties

* Le One Night Stand: "J'aime Serge," at Hiro Ballroom (the Maritime Hotel, 363 West 16th St, at Ninth Ave), 7:30pm to 4am, $5 before 11, Free thereafter
This one-year anniversary party starts early to make room for three bands doing Serge Gainsbourg covers. After 11, the DJs take the stage. Even with complimentary Macau Beer from 11 to 12 to baby-bottle goo-goo over, and sexy go-go dancers to ga-ga over, the best part of this party is the secret giveaway to the first 100 people. For free admission, mention Nico to doorman Eddie Q.

* Restricted, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free
Restricted is what happens upstairs at Lit while NC-17 goes down in the basement. You've probably walked through it many times, but, tonight, stop and enjoy the mix of rock, soul and new wave (not to mention, shorter lines for cleaner bathrooms.) DJ Punk Ass Jason gets your collective punk asses moving, while $1 vodka drinks and Budweiser bottles from 11 to midnight, and $3 Rheingolds all night, keep you golden and seeing stars well into dawn.

* Robots in a Coma, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Essex and Ludlow Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free
No word yet on gouging eyeballs, but this is what I know. Tonight, Skull-fuckers.com and EWC present a night of synthetic and organic, of coma-inspiring drink specials and dance hits to do the robot to, as DJs Moe Choi and Chasekillz, along with Reverend McFly and Dru Dollarz, spin at this science experiement as dance party.

* Stache: "Indestructible" Release Party, at Beauty Bar (231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves), 10pm to 4am, Free
Drop into the half-pipe at this skate park of a party for heshers and crust punks, full of fist-pumping jams and stomach-pump-inspiring drinks. More so than usual, tonight's party is a celebration of early-90s teen sluts, as Cristy C. Road releases her illustrated novel about misfit-queer-punk-junky-teenagers. Current TV will be capturing the event, and, with all the bandanas wrapped around necks and hanging from pockets, it will look like a game of Capture The Flag (or, Capture The Hag… The rest is too easy.) Your guest DJ tonight is Theo, of Rated X and ex-Lunachicks fame.

Photos courtesy Cristy C. Road


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"Put Your Mind To It, Go For It, Get Down and Break a Sweat"

This Saturday night at the all-male pillow fight, the flamenco feathers will be flying higher than the uproar caused by a fox in a hen house. Terromoto de Alcorcón, the flamenco singer responsible for the "Time Gous By Con Loli" spoof of Madonna's "Hung Up," will perform her live show for the first time in the United States. I have no idea what to expect at this fringe-and-sequins affair— Terromoto's video makes her out to be a cross between Dee Snider and Jennifer Beals. This video is what would have happened if the video for "Go For It" by Saved By the Bell's Hot Sundae had been shot with a pair of panty hose over the lens by a snuff-film director. Email info@joshwoodproductions.com to be put on his list.


Bank: Terromoto de Alcorcon, April 8
Element. .
225 E. Houston St, at Essex,
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]


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All Tonight's Parties

* Fancy Funk with Biz Markie, at Lotus (14th St, between Ninth Ave and Washington St), 11pm, RSVP.
Whether or not he still needs a haircut, you'll be able to hear shouts of "Nobody Beats the Biz" over a three-block radius. Apparently Lotus knows and has what I ne-eed. Girls: bring your boyfriend or the boy you tell other boys is "just a friend," and boys: get ready to start a relationship with a girl in 9/10 pants named blah-blah-blah. RSVP to fancy@partyrebel.com, mention their guestlist at the door.

* Spunk'd, at Splash (50 W 17th St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), $5 before midnight; $10 thereafter.
After tonight's Sandra Bernhard afterparty (with VIP guests including Liza Minnelli), Daniel Nardicio and host Cazwell invite you to strip down to your bloomers and have an Oscar-Wilde time at this all-male review. The labyrinth of sex and music features go-go shower shows at 1 and 2am, and live porn auditions. DJs Johnny Dynel and Jon Jon Battles will be bare-knuckles warring and bare-bottoms whoring on the main floor, and there will be appearances from Trick Rider Angelo and BOB (who will be serving snacks downstairs at the man-datory pantyfest.) Email daniel@dnnyc.com to be put on the reduced list. Bernhard tickets are available at sandrabernhard.com.

* Thekthnxbye, at Pianos (158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St), 10pm to 4am, Free.
This 88-keys venue is the spot to party like it's 1988, with the best mix of 80s since boardwalk sunglasses and neon, and the best mixing of electroclash and progressive house since California beach raves California beaches and 90210. Tonight's theme is facial hair, bring either your beard or your black marker (but anyone with spirit gum gets my love and affection. Your residents are 'eLe*, Shandi (aka Shanthrax to the Max... aka upShandish) and Mike Dextro. Your host and resident hair stylist is Shea (maybe I can get her to shave the side of my head?)


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Men, Women and Children... And Hosts Going Overboard

Lovers of Hot Fuckin' Pink have been sickly green and tepid since Scenic went under the knife earlier this year. Finally, Host Sophia Lamar and guest hosts the Misshapes, in the spirit of a 1960's young ladies masquerade debut, bring you Ruff Club, which will surely be a gala of punk. Featuring feather boas of a DJ line up including HFP stalwarts Spencer Product and Denny Le Nimh, a full-court press from 24 Court and a probingly clinical set from Micprobes; your pearl necklace of special guests includes Frankie Chan and Shaun Slaughter. Oh, but there is more: a family-friendly-designer's-fall-fashion-collection's-worth of songs from band Men, Women, and Children.


The Hot Fuckin' Pink Presents Ruff Club
The Annex. 10pm to 4am.
152 Orchard St, Between Rivington and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]

$5.
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All Tonight's Parties

* CatFight!, at the Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 11pm to 4am, Free
Tonight, Fight Cats Sean is marching into battle with Lady Bree and Miss Anja, for the world's first male-female catfight (lower case.) Come out for the cheap booze and the loose women showing their catnips, be sure to get their early to skip the fe-line.

* LA Hates You, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Rivington and Stanton Sts)
Bring your early 90s hardcore sensibilities for tonight's premiere of Us Against Them's month-long residency at the Annex. The Ad Lib is, apparently, a Renaissance movement of danceparty, rockshow and nightlife magazine. Your residents are Biet, Max Pask, Ilirjana, Jacques Renault and the brilliantly-lightbulb-less E Frank. To join their street team, email nat@theadlib.com.

* Realness, at Happy Valley (14 E 27th, between Madison and Fifth Aves), 10pm to 4am, Free (follow directions below)
Everyone loves a raffle, right? Well, tonight Amanda is going to be your favorite person if you get her to hand you a ticket for the free bottle raffle at 2:30am. Or, maybe your favorite person will be DJ Ryan, mp3j Timmy (downstairs), or Tommy Sunshine (upstairs.) Perhaps, though, it will be your downstairs host Chase... Let's get real, though, I am your favorite because I know what name to drop to door-maven Theodora for free admission (tell her you are with either Chase or Timmy.)


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Like the Rockettes, Only With More Crotch Shots

Oh, shit, Glamdammit this weekend is going to be incredible, your DJs are the Rated X Theo and that Motherfucker Michael T. All right, that is it for me and swearing. This party takes place at a renovated movie theater and will be the most glamorous event of the weekend, full of the classic looks of old Hollywood, but far from a silent film. Between this and last weekend with Justine D/Michael T.'s co-headlining sets at Tiswas, apparently this is the season for re-contextualizing MT pairings. (They're headlining this party thrown by Twig the Wonderkid and the Astronettes while their own Panty Party is on hiatus; watch this space for more info on that.)
photo courtesy lastnightsparty.com


Glamdammit, April 8
Rififi. 10pm to 4am.
332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-677-1027
Free.
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All Tonight's Parties

* Dangerously Disco, at Release (161 W 23rd, between Sixth and Seventh Aves), 10pm to 4am
Tonight is the maiden voyage of a party that will sink the maidenhood of anyone still life-raft clinging on. Peppermint, the scathing host of the Hot Body Contest at the on-hiatus Rated X, is behind this affair heralding, "glamour is back with a vengence [sic]." With a $3 Nail Polish Remover drink special and this week's DJ Nita Aviance, tonight will be a Curel-cure all for hot boys and girls (and everything in between) looking to dance.

* Starf*ck, at the Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton St), 10pm to 4am, Free
This is the weekly party of digital-camera debauchery hosted by DJs Eiza Emma and Matty F. Always the responsible hosts, they offer free condoms at the door, which is, incidentally, the same please-show-up tactic as college-sponsored sexual health awareness seminars. So, yeah, go learn about your body.

* Viva NY Mosaico!, at Baraza (133 Ave C, between 8th and 9th Sts), 10pm, Free
An actual conversation between DJ Selector MONObICHI (as Bernardo) and host XoXa (as Anita):
Anita: You have your big important [premiere of the bi-monthly party Viva NY Mosaico!] The [party],
[kiss]
or me.
[kiss]
Bernardo: First [my set of classic rock, pop, funk and electro en espanol],
[kiss]
then the other.
[Tries to kiss her, she pulls away]
Anita: Ah, I'm an American girl now, I don't wait.
Bernardo: Ah, back home women know their place.
Anita: Back home little boys don't have [NY Mosaico, your source for what's going on in cosmopolatino culture].
Bernardo: Ah, but they do here. You want me to be an American, don't you?


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Go-Gos and the Cure's Galore

It's been over a month since the last event, and I still maintain that Byte is the best party I've been to all year—it's terrifically refreshing to not hear the same sort-of-similar songs mashed together based less on their danceability and more on indie credibility. This Sunday is a birthday celebration for Xris and DJ Lucien, and a tribute to the 80s. The all-female Depeche Mode cover band Violater will perform, while DJs Rustyn L Birch, Ash, and Star spin the best in synthpop, electro, electroclash, ebm, darkwave and industrial. With alternatively sexy Go Go-ing from Amber Star and Ru, and a performance from professional sensationalist Amber Ray, this party is not for the faint of heart. The sliding scale price-of-admission is $5 for leather, latex, vinyl, fetish, goth and fashionistas, $7 for all black and $10 all else.


Byte, April 9
The Delancey. 9pm.
168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-254-9920

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Weekend Update

Saturday, April 1

* MisShapes
It has been a month since my last appearance, so maybe this is the weekend I will acquiesce to the supplications of my friends. I am not getting any younger, and that is exactly what the clientele is becoming.

[Update: Annie and the James Iha are DJing.]

* Robot Rock
Marky Ramone is DJing? Get out and Blitzkrieg bop your head with yuppie-head cheeseballs who are the reasons that Cliff's Notes were invented. Perhaps there should be more Reality Bites references around here.

* TisWas
If Michael T. and Justine D are guest DJing, then Motherfucker vs. TisWas is going to be a showdown comparable to the boxing match between Scott Stedman and that guy from the New York Press.

Sunday, April 2

* What a joke Sunday has become. Fair enough, some of you have jobs you have to show up to before 2:00pm, but can you please start throwing a party ostensibly for 19-year-old FIT students with no jobs? I need something to do. Until someone starts throwing new parties on Sundays, look at: this


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All Tonight's Parties

* Area 10018+, at Shelter/Speed (W 38th St, between Fifth and Sixth Aves), 10pm, $20
At 1am, Duch (the Duchess of Razzle Dazzle) will perform her first solo NYC show. Come out to see all eight feet of the olde queen in a career-launching and hip-breaking event that people will be talking about on all five floors of the club.

* Sasha and Digweed, at Crobar (530 W 28th, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves), 10pm $40
Sasha and Digweed have been untouchable since I was wearing shortpants, turning other DJs to ash and pulling them out like weeds. Terrible puns, I know… But I can't tell you anything you don't know about how terrific these DJs are. Read more here.

* Trash!, at Rififi (332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm to 4am, Free
Morrissey is DJing at midnight. Really, is there anything else I have to say? Morrissey, of the Smiths. Morrissey, whose just-released album is "Ringleader of the Tormentors." Don't show up and be tormented by it for life. Skip the line with an rsvp to mail@trashnyc.com.

* Violator (205 Chrystie St, at Stanton St), 10pm to 4am, $5
The crowning achievement of this party is getting after-work, young-professional-types in the same room as MisShapes-addicted, underaged hipsters. The male dancers throw this odd habitat into an orbit that is beyond my grasp. Well done Britneeeek!, Janelle A, Ian Cogneato, and (this week's guests) Marcelo Cunning and Trashy J.


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The Event: Indestructible Release
The Dancing: Indefatigable Release

Last night at Beauty Bar was the weekly Stache party that Zach and Tommy Hottpants throw. Though I haven't been there in weeks (I still take my Screwdrivers virgin, boys), next week seems like a night not to miss. This coming Thursday, April 6, Cristy C. Road, who I met in the middle of a circle pit (I picked her up and swung her around, unintroduced) at the beauty-salon-turned-bar while Green Day played, is having the release party for "Indestructible," an illustrated novel about coming-of-age teenage misfits. The night is certain to be full of late-80s leather and early-90s flannel — I might even skateboard there from the subway.


Stache: Indestructible Release Party
Beauty Bar. 11pm to 4am.
231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves, East Village
[L to Third Ave]
212-539-1389
Free.
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All Tonight's Parties

* Cheeky Bastard, at Hiro Ballroom (W 16th at Ninth Ave), 11pm, Free with rsvp
The afterparty for Paper Magazine's "Beautiful People" issue will be presided over by Marilyn Manson as played by DJ Michael T., and Cheeky Bastard resident Peter Makebish will appear as Twiggy Ramirez. Your host Ruben's birthday is tonight, he will be doing his best Madonna Wayne Gacy impression while the rest of your hosts fill in as Ginger Fish, Daisy Berkowitz, Olivia Newton Bundy, Gidget Gein and Sara Lee Lucas. RSVP to event@gbh.tv

* The Metro, at the Pyramid Club (101 Ave A, between 6th and 7th Sts), 9pm to 4am, $3 before 11pm, $6 thereafter
While you're taking names and numbers, your resident DJs will take requests and, if you come dressed positively stunning, host Pauly will take you to the bar for some vodka shots. Playing all the best of the 80s, you might find someone whispering in your ear a line or two of Eddie Money ("Take me home tonight, I don't want to let you go till I see the light…")

* NC-17, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), Free with mention of Jess or Bastard to Nikky Sneakers downstairs
This week's NC-17 is in honor of convicted lobbyist, Republican activist and businessman Jack Abramoff, and all his dirty laundry. There will be more than a few loads of dirty laundry after tonight's mayhem of sweaty dancing and beer-soaked clothing. Lobby for song requests and favors, everyone knows lobbying can lead to filibust-ing a move, and more.


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Moralité: eau et gaz à tous les étages

In the man himself's truest spirit of self-promotion and indulgence, early next month, estimable hosts Andy Shaw and Amylu are celebrating the one-year anniversary of Le One Night Stand by presenting a tribute to songwriting legend Serge Gainsbourg. Three bands — La Laque, Die Romantik (with guest Melody Nelson) and Nous Non Plus — will play Gainsbourg covers from 8 to 11pm, and DJs Melody Nelson, Sheila B., Josh Styles and Peppermintwist will play French-Pop and international rock 'n' roll at what will be the largest LONS yet, a party that will surely spread water and gasses to all levels of the venue.


Le One Night Stand presents... "J'aime Serge", April 6
Hiro. 7:30pm.
16th St, at Ninth Ave,

$5 before 11pm, Free after 11pm.
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All Tonight's Parties (A Five-Party Bed-Post)

I am writing from my bed and a world of pain. Last night, I managed to scratch my right eye (see this) and am now posting with a handkerchief fashioned like a eyepatch, so pardon any typing errors. Let's take this opportunity to focus on parties happening tonight, but with clips from past posts. This is the blogging-equivalent of the sitcom "look back" episodes for when the cast is on vacation or having babies. I promise I am not having any vacation-fun home from The L, and I am not pregnant.

* the Adlib

* CatFight!

* CatSuit

* Faux

* kthnxbye


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Finally, An Occasion To Use Something You Learned in High School

Put on your sashes and your freshest digs; tonight these pashas of DJing share the marquee at New York's premiere venue for electronic music. By using a custom-built controller that allows them to remix and produce live during their sets, sampling, looping and mixing will be taken to a higher plateau — one that will lead to sensory overload for those accustomed to the electronic platitudes of lesser DJs — as elements from multiple songs are fused together. In high school when I wrote papers and made presentations on raves, Sasha was my subject of choice — these were done, of course, when I wasn't learning how to do glowsticks (with dry erase markers as a teaching aide). I remember buying a John Digweed album days before Christmas, which is, of course, the gift equivalent of ruining my (Christmas) dinner, and Sasha's use of BT's Fibonnaci Sequence might have been what got me through math class. Get your tickets here.


Sasha and John Digweed, March 31
Crobar. 10pm.
530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves, Chelsea
[C,E to 23rd St]
212-629-9000
$40.
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All Tonight's Parties

* Elevator Sex Muzak: DJ Moe Choi and Special Guest, at King Size (21 Essex St, at Hester St), 10pm to 4am, Free
After the open bar, and tonight's myopenbar.com party, this is the spot for you late-night dancepartiers to get down and go down, an amalgam of Aerosmith and Red Hot Chili Pepper references. Brought to you out of freeNYC.net and DJ Moe Choi's shared love of blunted beats, leftfield hip hop and other downtempo rhythms, this party is in the spirit of the self-made remixes and megalomania of a job well done finding obscure vinyl at Half-Price Books.

* MyOpenBar.com Party, at the Delancey (168 Delancey, between Clinton and Attorney Sts), 9pm to 4am, Free
Always ahead of the Punxsutawney curve to get spring here immediately so we can go out and drink more often, the good people at myopenbar.com are throwing a party tonight that features two open bars, from 9 to 10 and 12:30 to 1:30. One step closer to making the LES more like a college shuffle (or, well, like Hoboken's Washington St), a map has been added to the website, a la Steven Watson's location-specific map in Factory Made: Warhol and the Sixties.

* Nacotheque- Rock and Pop in Espanish Dance Party, at Cake Shop (152 Ludlow St, between Stanton and Rivington Sts), 12 to 4am, Free
An actual conversation between Hosts and Resident DJs Marcelo Cunning (as Riff) and Amylulita (as Tony):
Riff: Look, Tony, I've never asked the time of day from a clock but I'm asking you, come to [Nacotheque] tonight. I already told [The L Magazine] you'd be there. If you don't show I'll be marked lousy.
Tony: What time […is the Macau open bar]?
Riff: [12 to 1am].
Tony: [12 to 1am] it is.



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Lights, Camera, Aktion, Action

Word being passed around is that this weekend's party is a promo night for the Gossip's "Standing in the Way of Control," and will be full of giveaways from Girlie Action. It has been over a month since the last Motherfucker party, so it's good to see this weekend will be a DJing reunion between two of New York's top DJ personalities: Aktion and Night Time DJ Justine D. and adults-only Michael T., two of the most fantastic Motherfuckers around, will return to TisWas as guest DJs to residents Nick Marc and Spiky Phil, and opening DJs/Hosts DNA (Dawn and Audra.)
photo courtesy of lastnightsparty.com


TisWas 2.0, April 1
The Annex. 10pm.
152 Orchard St, Between Rivington and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]


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All Tonight's Parties

* MetropolNYC: Basket Case, at Rififi (332 11th St, between First and Second Aves), 10pm, Free with one drink minimum
Perhaps they will play Green Day in the front room, but let's concern ourselves with the dance floor and tonight's beautiful and passionately gory feature Basket Case, the cult-status (what a socially maladjusted reflection of the film's main character) film from the director of Frankenhooker that tells the story of a Joe Buck-like character who is plagued and flayed by his once-siamese-twin brother exacting revenge on those who separated what God created. For mailing list: MetropolNYC@aol.com

* Rock & Roll Karaoke, at Arlene's Grocery (95 Stanton St, between Ludlow and Orchard Sts), 10pm, Free
On our first night in New York, my roommate kidnapped me and took me to something that "Zach Palmer needed to see," and this is what it was: a live band, an English host and a gang of mostly-drunk singers banded together under the aegis of karaoke.

* Woody Allen and the Eddy Davis New Orleans Jazz Band, at Café Carlyle (The Carlyle, 35 E 76th St), 8:45, $85
Apparently Woody Allen's Groucho Marx-reference, "I would never want to be a part of any group that would have me as a member" does not include being a part of jazz groups. Tonight and every Monday you can hear the closeted-clarinetist play with Eddy Davis ("the Manhattan Minstrel") and his New Orleans Jazz Band; no word yet on whether or not Diane Keaton will be singing with the band.


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Hey Ho, Let's Go!

I am giving this advance notice because some of you are going to need to schedule a trip to Hot Topic (St. Mark's Place works, too) to pick up a leather jacket and some fingerless gloves. This Saturday night it's going to be Rock 'n' Roll high school all over again as Robot Rock (the party where everyone is generating steam heat and pulsating to the back beat) welcomes Marky Ramone as guest DJ and resident aging rocker. Having joined the the Ramones in 1978, he made eleven albums with them, and now hosts "Marky Ramone's Punk Rock Blitzkrieg" on SIRIUS satellite radio, officially making him the first punk in space. Get yourself on the guest list by visiting www.gbh.tv and following directions.


Robot Rock, April 1
Movida. 10pm to 4am.
28 Seventh Ave S., between Beford and Leroy, West Village
[1,9 to Houston St]

$5 till 1am on the GBH guest list.
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Weekend Update

Saturday, March 25

* Bank: Elton John's Black Birthday, at Element (225 E Houston, between Essex and Ave A), Free before 11pm and $10 before 12:30 on list
The bitch is back and Saturday night's all right for fighting at this tribute to Elton John where DJ Lina might play your song. Forget Benny and the Jets; tonight's hosts are the mona lisas and madhatters Larry Tee, Amanda Lepore, Kim Aviance and Sophia Lamar. For guest list, email info@joshwoodproductions.com.

* Export A
Oh my goodness: Take a look at this.

* The Look!: Egyptian Lover, at Tuts (196 Orchard St, between Houston and Stanton Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free
The Look! and Chase invite you to slide your feet up the street, bend your back, shift your arm, then [you] pull it back at this Egyptian-themed sandy-bottom bash of human pyramids and (with $5 Cosmos from 10 to midnight) people falling down like [dominoes]. With hookahs to rent, all the foreign types with the hookah pipes [will] say, "Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh." All the school kids [are] so sick of books, they like the punk and the metal band[s], but Djs Efrank, Timmy D, Chupacabras, Speculator and the Wiz will be rockin' out the jams like it is Spring Break 1995 BC.

* TisWas, at the Annex (152 Orchard St, between Rivington and Stanton Sts), 10pm to 4am
This legendary party tonight hosts the Mates of State "Bring it Back" record release party, and a special 11pm performance from punctuated and punctual rock band the Hourly Radio. Your DJs are Jeff Automatic (London), Nick Marc and Spiky Phil, and DJs/Hosts DNA. Most notably, and in passing (ha!), tonight's party is the afterparty for a British band who they cannot mention. The popsicle stick clue is "something about chily primates," but I do not feel like getting a brainfreeze (in any capacity) over it. [update] Gah, I figured it out… Email me at zachary@thelmagazine.com for the answer.

Sunday, March 26

* Black Party Weekend, at Element (225 E Houston, between Essex and Avenue A), 6pm to 3am, $30/25
The only information I could come up with about this is, "Odyssey (A Full Musical Journey) Music: Susan Morabito Lights: Kurt Williams." In all fairness, and not surprisingly, I have no idea what that means. I am, however, wearing a Pink Floyd T-shirt and this smacks of their laser show.

* Skwair, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts), 10pm, Free
Expect classics and schmaltz, waltzing and breakdancing. Huey Lewis and news-making hilarity. Cheyo and thee Other Guy welcome you to their square of the world.

* Smash It Up!, at Niagara (112 Ave A, at 7th St), 10pm, Free
Is there anything more punk rock than a Sunday night dance party? While the squares are at home sleeping, the asymmetrical clothes come on and geometrically inspired hairstyles are Elmer's-glued up.

* Shout!, at Bar 13 (35 E 13th St, between Broadway and University Place), 10pm, Free
The last time I was at this party there was a block of music the length of three "Freebird"s. Had the lead singers' voices not differed, I would have thought the Notorious Shout! DJs' set was one long song, or a concert from 1976. Terrific!


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All Tonight's Parties

* The Ark and John Cameron Mitchell, at the Delancey (168 Delancey, between Clinton and Attorney Sts), 9pm, Free
With an rsvp to events@tokion.com you gain entrance to an event that is not an echo of everything else going on these days, tonight Swedish sensations the Ark play a (not so) secret show at nine before being joined by John Cameron Mitchell and JD Samson (Le Tigre) for a night of glitter rock.

* June D, at Fat Baby (112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts), 11pm to 4am, Free
June D, the siren song of my irresponsible weeknights, will be in Fat Baby's DJ booth-as-Romeo and Juliet balcony, spinning a mix of old and new as I throw pebbles and Cyrano de Bergerac-style whisper-shout sweet nothings to her.

* TKOmri and DJ Baron, at Beauty Bar (231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves), 10pm to 4am, Free
The telling of the Soulpusher diaspora is complete with this mention of TKOmri and DJ Baron's set; they will be pushing the soul, it is your job to spread it all over the East Village.

* Violator, at 6's and 8's (205 Chrystie St, at Stanton St), 10pm to 4am, $5
After last week's wildly successful premiere, nay sayers and babymamadrama-haters will be keeping their mouths shut and their booties shaking as Louisahhh! joins Ian Cogneato and Janelle A in the booth, and Britneeeek! reminds everyone of the vodka open bar between 11 and 12, the Sparks and Sparks plus one open bar, and the whenever-I-get-there runway walk-off.


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All Tonight's Parties

* Cheeky Bastard, at Hiro Ballroom (the Maritime Hotel) (371 W 16th St, at Ninth Ave), 10pm to 4am
A small army of hosts, and host/birthday girl Dagny invite you to celebrate the first anniversary of Cheeky Bastard while Alex English and Peter Makebish, along with guest DJ Deuce Deuce (Paul Banks of Interpol and Alex Marino of Matador Records), spin dance-rock, hip-hop, new wave, rock 'n' roll and more. Complimentary admission with email to alejandro@gbh.tv

* NC-17, at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), 10pm to 4am, mention Jess at the door for free admission
DJ Jess and Bastard host this Roman bath-as-orgy-as-party (as orgy) in Lit's dark and sweaty underground — a party steamier than the foreign film section of the video store, and one that has caused more commotion than the release of Deep Throat.

* Something Tight, at Happy Ending (302 Broome St, between Eldridge and Forsyth Sts), 10pm to 4am, Free
With free wieners at 1am, 2-4-1 wells and beer from 11 to 12 and Clinton-era drink tickets, it's Spring Break 1996 tonight and everyone's going to be rubbing sunscreen all over each other as guest DJ Bruno gives his best impersonation of Gavin Rossdale doing Glycerine solo (in the rain, with the rest of BUSH hiding under a tarp), Shandi Sullivan does her best "Singled Out"-era Jenny McCarthy impression and Tour Guide Timmy pours me virgin screwdrivers.


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All Tonight's Parties

* Wednesdays at Marquee (289 Tenth Ave, between 26th and 27th Sts), 10pm, Ladies free and gentlemen reduced before 12
West coast DJ Steve Aoki Kid Millionaire returns to New York tonight to connect with hosts Paul Sevigny and Matt Damhave at a venue I would rather sit at home and listen to Marky Mark than be seen in. Actual quotes from clubviplist.com include: "for the Elite and Fabulous only," "No Groups of Gentlemen will be admitted without accompanied by Ladies," "Dress Code: Sexy/fashionable," "Atmosphere: Exclusive, Luxurious, VIP, Trendy." So, yeah, before you take the tunnel from Jersey, make sure your group of dudes has a girl or two, and that you've called 646-837-0864 for your VIP reservation. Ask for Lin's list at the door.

* Dominion, at Pyramid Club (101 Avenue A, between 6th and 7th Sts), 10pm, $5 before 10pm, $8 after
Any party called Dominion that garners write-ups like, "Wear your most prohibitive leather to this uninhibited goth dance party," and whose price-of-admission goes up at the time most parties start… Well, there must be something hot happening there. Mummies? Fetish queens? Sexagenarian (heehee) Fetish Queens?

* Bi-Tanic, at the Frying Pan (23rd St at the West Side Highway, at Pier 63), 7:30pm to 12:30am, ticket-donations $25
The Frying Pan is a heated boat that never leaves port… If you don't want to leave the Hudson River, tonight's fundraiser for Michael Huffington's documentary Bi The Way is the closest thing you'll find to a gay cruise. Plenty of information (and your boat-fare to $12 reduced-admission) is available by visiting Shaw Promotion's Calendar and clicking on the Bi-Tanic logo.


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All Tonight's Parties

* Deviant (Opening Night!), at Lit (93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts), Free
In the DJ booth on Friday night, Ian Cogneato told me how, after being linked to his profile from the blog I posted about him DJing at Violator, all his mother's co-workers got myspace accounts. In my noble quest to fill myspace with menopausal women, here is a blog-spot about Ian Cogneato and Brendon James DJing tonight from 12 to 4. Please pass this along to mothers everywhere.

* Tuesdays at Pizza Bar (48 Ninth Ave, between 14th and 15th Sts), 9pm to 1am, Free
As featured in the current issue of The L Magazine, Sophia Lamar and Adam Wormseye have taken it upon themselves to host a party that will fill the stomachs of dance partiers with warm pizzas and their ears with hot jamz (forgive the instance of zeugma). This warms my heart with gladness and fills my eyes with tears. Tonight Josh Madden guest DJs.

* Catfight!, The Skinny (174 Orchard St, at Stanton), 11pm to 4am, Free
Tonight, in honor of the Redstockings' (a radical feminist organization in New York) March 21, 1969 public speak-out in response to a February 1969 legislative hearing regarding New York's abortion laws, your hosts/DJs Lady Bree and Miss Anja will be painting the town red with special guests Miss January 1963 and D/N/A (Dawn and Audra from Tiswas). Put on your red socks/stockings, and dance to the best in indie, rock 'n' roll, Britpop, new wave, 60s and glam.


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Some Waffling About a New Party

Come get toasted at this night of communion and good music, of breaking bread and breakbeats with DJ Jeannie Hopper spreading grooves like butter. Allegedly there will be toast provided, but, if word gets out about that, everyone will be pancaked against the walls. Ideally this party has traded in creeps for crepes, and maybe there will be some hottie english muffins who will ask you out for coffee on Wednesday night. Get your daily allowance of screwdrivers: orange juice is part of a balanced breakfast.


Toast Tuesdays, March 21
Element. 10pm to 4am.
225 E. Houston St, at Essex,
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

Free.
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You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Cigarette Pressed Into Your Smile

As reported yesterday by Mark, Annie is in town dealing fixes to bubblegum heads and pop junkies. I think it would be best to continue along his hook, considering this Saturday she is playing an event for a cigarette company. With addictive beats that really get you bumping, her performance will be the highlight of the evening, with secondhand smoke chimneyed from DJs Mike Simonetti, Michael T., DJ Jess, Alex Malfunction, Andrew Potter, DJ Womanmaker and DJ Fancypants, Jon Gill, DJ Oil and Eamon Harkin. With that Supreme Court of names, the only thing left is a Surgeon General's Warning: Featuring a two-hour open bar and free cigarettes, this is an in utero child's nightmare. Your rsvp is mandatory: a-list@onthegomarketing.com.


A-List Event Seriest, Part Two, March 25
NorthSix. 10pm.
66 N6 St, between Kent and Wythe Aves, Brooklyn, Williamsburg
[L to Bedford Ave]
718-599-5103
Free.
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For All You Stone Cold Faux-es

Louisahhh!, fresh off her residency at We Kill For Peace, and as brilliant as ever, has announced the inception of Faux (pronounced Fox), the Wednesday weekly that will harry the rebirth of awesomeness in New York. On March 29, with guest DJ Mike Stroud of Ratatat, say farewell to parties filled with smug wallflowers and pseudo-activism. This is your opportunity to get involved in the revolution, art director Sean Augustine March and she are working on decorations and propaganda, and they are looking for artists/musicians/writers/thinkers/doers/makers/movers/shakers.


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Merlin Bronques: 1, Gawker: 0

It's a sad day in America when unemployed blogophiles and creative re-definers of the word research can't giggle in their cubicles at the generation of New Yorkers who missed Coco Chanel's, "take one thing off before you leave the house." Last Friday, a little bit of my personal sky fell as Blue States Lose draft-dodged the internet. Today, Gawker gave an explanation, but, essentially, the situation is Joey Arak was in a red state. My contention is he was devastated after jumping the tattoo-gun on hipster tattoos and could not face the photo series from last Wednesday's Ink Magazine party.


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After Three Years and a Concert... An After-Party

Josh Wood, Chris Wangro and GBH are hosting this party for tonight's "Bring 'Em Home Now!" concert for peace. The concert line-up includes Michael Stipe, Rufus Wainwright, Bright Eyes, Cindy Sheehan and Chuck D, while your DJs for the party are Alex English and Alex Malfunction. They are ready to shock and awe you with music from American-born francophiles ready to Jacques Chirac 'n' roll, and Straight-Outta-Paris French (er, Freedom) jams. For complimentary admission, rsvp to event@gbh.tv.



Hiro. 10pm.
16th St, at Ninth Ave,


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The Captain and TKOmri

With a DJ line up that sounds half professional wrestling and half boxing, there's no way tonight's Bad Attitude will be black eye-free. With free girly drinks from Erika all night and a ladies-drink-free hour from 11 to 12, there's also no way tonight will be black-out free. And though the host's name is Heather Facebreaker, I am certain she can hold her alcohol. The questions, then, are when to get to this party that starts uncommonly early, and how late can you stay without throwing the success of your work week to the mats?


Bad Attitude, March 20
Mundial. 8pm to 4am.
505 E 12th St, between Aves A and B, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-982-1282

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Don't Just Sit There

In honor of the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq: Get off the internet.


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Weekend Update

Saturday, March 18

* Bank, at Element, 10pm to 4am, $15 email/$20
Larry Tee's merry bunch of downtown scenesters and Robin-Hood-robbers present Lina and special guest DJs spinning for all you merry pranksters. Email info@joshwoodproductions.com for reduced admission.

* Debauchery (After Hours), at Cake Shop, 12:30/1:00amish, Free
Once the dual doors get shut, inhibitions get forgotten and clothes get lost. Your hosts are PappaWheelie and Maxx Bass. This is either the hottest or most tepid party I have never been to.

* The Human Jukebox, at Happy Ending, 10pm to 4am, Free
This both-floors party is all-requests. If you are tired of hearing the same songs at every party, do something about it.

* Rock Solid Saturdays, Galapagos Art Space, Various Prices
TribalHybrid, in the Frontroom, 8pm, $8
TribalHybrid is an urban convergence of the east coast tribal dance and music scene, creating an arabesque of schools of movement (including the school of hard knocks). For more info: www.alchemyperformance.com
Uncomun, in the Frontroom, 10pm, Free
This is a four-tiered wedding cake for a marriage between music, film, dance and partying; with live video mixing from VJ Full Stealth.




Sunday, March 19

* Sid & Buddy Karaoke, Galapagos Art Space, 10pm, Free
Sing to the stars, make the stars wish they were dead, direct your words to the girl you are starry-eyed for, and live your rockstar dream.

* Skwair, at Fat Baby, 10pm, Free
Expect classics and schmaltz, waltzing and breakdancing. Huey Lewis and news-making hilarity. Cheyo and thee Other Guy welcome you to their square of the world.

* Smash It Up!, at Niagara, 10pm, Free
Is there anything more punk rock than a Sunday night dance party? While the squares are at home sleeping, the asymmetrical clothes come on and geometrically inspired hairstyles are Elmer's-glued up.


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Walking in Guarantees You a Make-Out, Wear Green and Get Kissed

My blogs this week have turned into the June D Show, a monomania that rivals Mark's love for Jenny Lewis; the differences are that Jenny and I are not the best of friends, and June was not in The Wizard (admittedly, a strike against her). Tonight she will be throwing back cranberry seltzers and playing "Zombie" and "Dreams" in the name of SoulPusherNYC. Trash! is your St. Patrick's Day spot to get trashed on green beer on the one-day-a-year where your Sparks-green tongue will be acceptably festive. Resident IRA member Brendon James will do his Crying Game impression while presiding over the rsvp list: add yourself and skip the line (rsvp to mail@trashnyc.com).

Photo courtesy indierotica.com


Trash!
Rififi. 10pm to 4am.
332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-677-1027
FREE.
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The Second Rule is You Don't Blog About It

Apparently today's postings have a thematic underpinning of dance party violence. Tonight's film screening and dancing event does not start till late, which gives everyone plenty of time to get liquored up before getting beaten over the head with the staged combat of fight choreographer Christi Waldon. My junior year of high school I bled on stage, perhaps tonight I will reprise my role as a Shark. (Mark is not the only one with WestSide Story references!) Starring DJ Boyracer (We Kill for Peace) and guests, the first rule of FNFC is you don't talk about Friday Night Fight Club.


Friday Night Fight Club, March 17
Galapagos Art Space. 12 to 2am.
70 N. 6th Street, Between Wythe and Kent Aves, Brooklyn, Williamsburg
[L to Bedford Ave]
718-.78-5188
FREE.
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Shamrock Shake-Down

Tonight is the night to shamrock 'n' roll at the premiere of the party that is sure to redefine your New York City weekend. Ideally, it will redefine the word violator, too, because that seems entirely too violent for the name of a party. (For more v-word suggestions, just keep reading.) Breathing vim into previously vapid Friday nights, co-hosting virgins BritnEEEEK! and Janelle A invite you and vanloads of your friends to visit them. Resident DJ Ian Cogneato— one of my favorite socialites and one of the more voluble— and the vibrant Janelle A will be spinning all your favorite guilty pleasures, and, perhaps, even "Vogue" (or En Vogue). The party will featuring weekly live performances (vital for any event to maintain a draw); visceral rockers Frankpollis are playing Volume One. To encourage your voracious drinking: take advantage of the open bar from 11 to 12, and two for one drink specials from 2 to 3. Your guest DJ is the vivacious *Michael*, who will be in charge of the vinyl. Go south of the East Village for this party that has more than just a hint of verisimilitude of being the next big thing.


Violator, March 17
6's and 8's. 10pm to 4am.
205 Chrystie St, at Stanton St, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-477-6688
$5.
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Whose Streets? Our Streets!

In August 2004, a few weeks before I moved to New York, my future roommate and I came to town to apartment-hunt. This was the weekend before the RNC, the Friday night where over 5,000 people rode in Critical Mass. On the corner of Mercer and Houston Sts we watched Foxy Brown get out of the passenger's seat, get into the driver's seat and drive through the ride... Directly over people. But no one would be dissuaded, and to this day every second Friday the Brooklyn Critical Mass is held, meeting either at the Grand Army Plaza entrance to Prospect Park or at the base of the Brooklyn Bridge. Critical Mass is a global celebration of, naturally, creating awareness about non-pollutive means of transportation and sharing the roads.


Brooklyn Critical Mass, March 17
Prospect Park, Grand Army Plaza Entrance. 7pm.



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Wear Your Hot Pants for Tommy Hottpants!

Tommy Hottpants just wrote me about his Friday night gig, and I wanted to offer this to all of you.

Email him at xdancemilitiax@aol.com for his complimentary guest list to tomorrow's Area 10018 — the only five-floor gay party with drag queens singing rock songs along with a live band. Send your first and last names, obviously.

He needs your names before 9:00 tonight.


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Tonight: Drink Fluids With the Druids

How fitting that on St. Patrick's Day Eve we celebrate the red-headed stepchild, the poet of children. Bar Reis is Park Slope's favorite late night taco joint, perhaps tonight they will be made with Soda Bread and potatoes. In the basement lounge, DJ Skinny (fresh off the potato famine?) and Adam Akins will be spinning hip-hop, jazz and funk, and breaking all the rules. Even the Danelaw!


The Red-Headed Stepchild Sessions
Bar Reis. 10pm to 2am.
375 5th Ave, Between 5th and 6th Sts, Park Slope
[F,M,R to Fourth Ave-9th St]

FREE.
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"We must be over the rainbow!"

Click three times the heels of your ruby slippers and you'll end up here: the glittery, glam-y world of DJ Lady Starlight's Emerald City. Tonight, the Scarecrow's stalks of corn turn into the English Disco debut of the legendary Stalkers, Andy Animal plays the Tin Woodsman on the wheels of steel, and Go Go lionesses Anna Copa Cabanna and Breedlove muster all the courage in the world. You, boys and girls, get to be Dorothy: put on your best dress, get your hair fixed right, and follow the glitter-yellow brick road.

Photo courtesy Angela Wieland


Lady Starlight's English Disco, March 16
The Slipper Room. 10pm to 4am.
167 Orchard Street, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
(21-2) -7246
$5.
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Walk Home Drunk Like An Egyptian

Dress to impress and you might get treated to free vodka shots, as if you were a pharaoh; just ask for Pauly. The Pyramid Club is a legendary NYC dive bar with a dance floor, which is exactly where I like my dance parties to be situated; this weekly 80s party is exactly in the decade I want my dance hits to come from. Wander the chambers and passageways of new wave and the royal tombs of industrial, and find a treasure rare in New York: requests are welcome.


The Metro, March 16
Pyramid Club. 10pm to 4am.
101 Ave A, between 6th and 7th Sts, East Village
[6 to Astor Pl]
212-473-7184
$3 before 11:00, $6 after.
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The Following Involves Both Justine D and June D; It is a Choose Your Own Adventure, J.D. Salinger-Reference Post

Ok, so this party's name mocks SXSW... But, really, with a line up of Justine D., Audrey Melody Nelson, June D and some boys, it looks more like Lilith Fair. Tonight, the role of Fiona Apple will be played by Audrey Melody Nelson as she criminalizes some vinyl. June D will be doing her best Sarah Mclachlan impersonation, mixing cds together like tuning a collection of acoustic guitars, and Justine D. will appear as Lisa Loeb, with a nine-stories high stack of records. In addition to all the estrogen-influenced chatty-Kathy-ness, get your fill of gossip by entering to win the Gossip ticket giveaway.


Rotten Apple: the SXSWhat? Party, March 16
Fat Baby. 10pm to 4am.
112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-533-1888

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Tonight: Bring This Boy a Dr Pepper and Some Vegan Eats

It was this past summer when I met Jason Cimon on the dance floor while he was on tour; in the fall he pulled a Madonna and moved to New York with a hundred dollars in his jeans pocket. (This boy knows how to wear a pair of jeans [blue, red or green] everyday for weeks better than anyone else I know.) The last time I saw Jason perform there was a terrible, terrible crusty punk band playing downstairs; bringing his microphone with him, he got off stage and sang standing at ear-level with the crowd. A classically trained singer and some-college-educated musican, he is a terrific DJ and loves his grindcore. X up or Shut Up, y'all.


Ivy League, Mia Riddle, Michael Leviton, Jason Cimon
Fat Baby. 8pm.
112 Rivington St, between Ludlow and Essex Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-533-1888
$5.
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29 is the New 19

Tonight is David's birthday, so we're going to act like teenagers let loose on the Lower East Side, or toddlers running free at Macy's. Special guest Cat will be spinning a fannypack's worth of drop-to-your-knees dance songs, while E Franc makes the exchange rate go through the roof as everyone changes partners two and three times a song. SoulPushers DJ Baron and June D will duel for your love in honor of their gone-missing comrade TKOmri.


The Ad Lib, March 15
The Darkroom. 10pm to 4am.
165 Ludlow St, between Houston and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

FREE.
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Tonight: A Party That Will Last Forever

Tonight's Inked magazine issue release party will be more fun than a homemade tattoogun. This combustion chamber of a party is an explosion of ball-istics to the walls, wild wild west-style, dancefloor madness. The Captain is headlining this colorful engagement, and Merlin Bronques will have his six-shooter at the ready to take indelible reminders of your more regrettable choices.


Bang!: Inked Magazine Issue Release Party
Beauty Bar. 10pm to 4am.
231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves, East Village
[L to Third Ave]
212-539-1389
FREE.
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Lions and Lambrettas: All Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

Tomorrow's opening of Ben Sherman's first stand-alone USA store should be the final nail in the coffin (horseshoe nail in the horseshoe?) of New York fashion's spurious and waning cowboy boot phase. Sherman's global interior concept of Mods in the new Mansion will fill new dimensions as it takes over new latitudes and longitudes, bringing to SoHo a Vespa-with-a-side-car's worth of joy to all the Anglophiles grasping for authenticity.


Grand Opening: Ben Sherman SoHo Store, March 16
Ben Sherman's SoHo Store. .
96 Spring St, Between Mercer St and Broadway, Soho
[6 to Spring St]


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This Party is Not Yet a Castle, But Tonight it Has a Moet

It was only last week that I met Telfar, but tonight his dear friends will be packing the house to say farewell before he leaves for LA's Fashion Week. Additionally, your host Papi Pablo is championing a complimentary 1am champagne toast in honor of Catsuit's two month's kittenship. This tiger of a party is packed with lionesses and cheetahs (cheeters? hmm) looking for a lion to lie on. As if this update did not have enough paws-to-the-couch excitement, this week will be the first of a new weekly DJ duo of Kim-Ann and Andy Butler sharing the turntables as if they were a bowl of milk.


Catsuit: Two Month Anniversary, March 15
Climax. 10pm.
14 Avenue B, Between 1st and 2nd Sts, East Village
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]

Free.
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In a far away place, somewhere in a fabled land above 27th Street, there are tall buildings with revolving doors that churn out suit-wearing men who are full of stock quotes and stock phrases for pretty girls. Thekthnxbye's new location is fifty-something blocks away from midtown and all its briefcases; tonight celebrate 'Ele*'s birthday as she and Shanthrax transform their turntables into revolving doors of guilty pleasures. Have you seen Shandi's record case? Goodness gracious does that girl love her oft-forgotten dancefloor wonders; this will be my third time this week seeing her spin a mixed-tape's worth of songs your parents have on cassette and you have on your iPod.


Thekthnxbye, March 15
Pianos. 10pm.
158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-505-3733
Free.
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"I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light."

My sister lives in LA, she is an actor in the world of the Day of the Locust. I cannot handle California, I prefer New York where I can disappear into my headphones while listening to the Locust. I am fairly certain that no grindcore will be played tonight, but I have faith that guests DJs Debbie (Avenue D) and Phil Slag will prove that LA does, in fact, hate you. I am not quite sure how they will accomplish this, but your residents Jacques Renault, Ilirjana and Biet have been slinging hatred westerly for weeks now.


LA Hates You, March 14
The Annex. 10pm to 4am.
152 Orchard St, Between Rivington and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]

FREE.
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This is Your Chance to Truly Be "el alma de fiesta"

I'm concerned about where the Espanish in this party's name came from, either it's a language shift similar to the consonant shift that took place after the Norman invasion of 1066 or just hipster cute-sit-ies. Regardless, the promise of rock and pop (in English, Spanish, or Espanish) makes me coo in any language. What we have here is a sensation of international dance hits, an ocean of dance party terrificness featuring songs from across any number of ponds. Marcelo Cunning (Bloodsport) will be Jean Claude Van-Damming his way through his record collection and Amylulita (le one night stand) will be spinning like so many mixed-drink umbrellas.


Nacotheque!: Rock and Pop in Espanish Dance Party, March 14
Cake Shop. 10pm to 4am.
152 Ludlow St, between Stanton and Rivington Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-253-0036
FREE.
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Please Don't Pet the Portraits

Alexis Trice's first solo art exhibit is evidence that she is an artist dedicating her life to her love of dogs and fine art. These creative custom dog portraits are made with oil paints on either stretched canvas or masonite, and are created from pet photos. Alexis always has her digital camera with her to get a snapshot of a cute pup in the city (you could say she's a member of the puparazzi. Oh, goodness, I am sorry.) The show goes through April 15th.


Alexis Trice, March 14
Doma Café & Gallery. 6 to 8pm.
17 Perry St, Between West 11th and Charles Sts, West Village
[1,9 to Christopher St-Sheridan Sq]

FREE.
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This is Not, Technically, Re-Posting

Princess Superstar's birthday party is being held at a super-secret location— email me at zachary@thelmagazine.com before six for the sauna-hot spot. Full of birthday surprises and bathing beauties, and replete with celebrities and guilty pleasures, this 21st birthday party is the first summer jam of '06. DJs Alexander Technique, Junior Sanchez, Peter Makebish (all First Mates) and The Captain will be navigating through the shallow end of New York City socialites to the deep end of serious, booty-bumping/splashing bass.


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After the After-Party is the After-After-Party

Resident DJ Spencer Product cordially invites you, stamped letter and all, to this after-party for the Envelopes show at Mercury Lounge. It's presented by addVice and featuring free Sparks from 11 to 12, so my advice is to bring your toothbrush to get rid of your green Sparks tongue. This basement party is one of the best in the city, on the best night to go dancing, where you will hear a mix of punk/electro/metal/new wave and everything in between. Your guest DJs are Elhaam, Micprobes, 24 Court and members of the Juan Maclean and the Envelopes.


We Bite, March 14
Happy Ending. 10pm.
302 Broome St, at Forsyth St, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-334-9676

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The Machinery of Punk and the Elements of Dance

After far too long, Machine PUNK is back on Thursday, March 16th. The welcome back party will also be a celebration for the release of "My Acid", the fFormula's newest Beatport release. The roller and go-go gang headed up Niabi and Prima Donna and host Tali De'Mar, in conjunction with Halcyon Record Shop, invite you to help them blow the vault of one of New York's newest dance spots. Your door-boys are Brendon James and Ian Cogneato, which makes me satisfied to just stand on the sidewalk and chit chat. For $5 admission and special treatment, send an email with TALI in the subject line to rsvp@machinepunk.com.


Machine PUNK, March 16
Element. 10pm to 4am.
225 E. Houston St, at Essex,
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

$10, $5 with rsvp.
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Sing to the Ceiling!

Tonight is the night, kittens; all your days of practicing, hairbrush-as-microphone, 80s hits in front of the mirror have been for this amateur singing event with professional grade hysterics enough to create a world of pandemonium. Chris Goldteeth and Mr. MattCoats are your hosts, and this can only lead to an assonance-inducing ludicrous evening of potentially on-key, keyed-up silliness, stage diving and singing.

From 8 until 10, Shandi creates the soundtrack for your honey-tea-drinking, stand-over-the-hot-water-running-faucet-and-breathe-the-steam, karaoke warm-up. On Thursday, I saw her DJ a work-neglecting set that had me out well past my bedtime: incredible. Incidentally, she might be the best dancer this side of the Missouri River.


8:00 to 10:00, Shandi Sullivan; 10:00, Karaoke Killed the Cat, March 13
Pianos. 8:00 to 10pm; 10pm on.
158 Ludlow St, at Stanton St, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-505-3733
FREE.
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Byte: The Super Hero Edition!

Last night I broke my fetish party blood-red cherry at an event that made me feel a way I have not felt since 1999, when I was in a creative writing class with two role-playing girls who wanted me to join their coven. There is nothing like a Sunday night to bring out the goth gear, and this truly was a suspension of reality, middle-ages away from my usual indie rock, silently-judging dance parties. With all the make up and leather, I have not been to a less-pretentious party in months. Byte is the reason why the Delancey has a main floor stage, and, goodness gracious, do they know how to use it. Early in the evening it was packed with corseted dancers, but during the sexually-violent (however fascinating) show I managed to pass out standing up. Crucifixion Addiction, the Athens-based, high- school-Iron-Maiden-cover-band does a similar knife-to-body spectacle during "Hallowed Be Thy Name." When I came to (forty minutes later), the corsets were back on stage. The dungeon is by the fireplace, and the suspension artists are hanging around on all three levels of this pentagram of a venue.
For hilarious coincidence to my fainting, I was wearing the t-shirt pictured left. ["The human body is a canvas best painted with a knife"]

Photo courtesy Johanna Beyenbach


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Everyone is Que-ing Up for This Burlesque Show

This weekly program of Anything Goes performances on the Cabaret stage is sure bliss for all you Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. On Monday nights, let your Hair down and watch this cast of tassel-twirling Cats and kittens make their Rent during this "naughty, bawdy, leggy, saucy" show that will have you shouting "Mama Mia!" Before the second round costume-switch, pick your favorite girl and whisper in her ear, "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change."


Monday Evening Burlesque, March 13
Galapagos Art Space. 10pm.
70 N. 6th Street, Between Wythe and Kent Aves, Brooklyn, Williamsburg
[L to Bedford Ave]
718-.78-5188
Free.
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Tonight: Sleeping Bags and Body Bags

When I was all of 17, the church youth group went on a heavily chaperoned and mostly depressing camping trip. In the morning the parents discovered the boys had abandoned their tent and joined the girls in a mid-adolescent, pre-butterfly, sleeping-bags-as-cocoons mess of sheets and pillows and sin. This movie is probably less horrifying than what our folks thought what we had done was. Bring your bedroll and your butcher knife tonight, as hosts Flesh Chomping Charlie, Blood Chugging Jenny and Bone Sawing Lauren invite you on a riverwalk hike through the the woods that will end in everyone getting lost and having to follow a river... Of blood. If you want to be put on the fresh-meat list, email metropolnyc@aol.com


Metropolnyc: Sleepaway Camp 2, March 13
Rififi. 10pm.
332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-677-1027
Free, with one drink minimum.
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Weekend Update

Saturday, March 11

* Glamdammit at Rififi
Twig the Wonderkid and the Astronettes spin rock 'n' roll, punk and glam with this week's special guest DJ Justine D. This is a party for glam professionals and casual ravers.

* Live Fast Die Young Pt. 2 at Dumba Queer Art Collective [57 Jay St, Between Front and Water Sts]
At 10 dollars to get in, it sounds a little steep – but this party is steeped in both T[ea] and A. Now, for my favorite joke: So, this guy's on this plane and the flight attendant comes by and asks him if he would like some of their TWA coffee. He replies, "No, but I could sure go for some of your TWA tea."

* Tis Was 2.0 at The Annex
Get five dollar reduced-admission when you mention Shaw Promotion, forget the name and pay ten (remember the name!) The Glass will tear your eardrums to shards after 33hz cycles through their record release party performance.

* Tiffany at Culture Club
The 80s sweater-sweetie performs tonight. Apparently we're not alone now, and this certainly will be different than a mall-tour. Bring your denim jacket and your Jordache.



Sunday, March 12

* Byte at the Delancey
This is Manhattan's synthi-sexy monthly featuring electroclash, ebm, darkwave and industrial. Featuring the best suspension artists in the world and live music from Adam X, I think that the price spectrum is enough of a description for this black-leather party: "$5 for fetish divas. creative goths. cyberpunks. cyberdrags. material girls. fashionistas... Alternative sexiness... And anyone who can leave their inhibitions at home!... $7 all black, $10 all else."

* Shout!
The last time I was at this party there was a block of music the length of three "Freebird"s. Had the lead singers' voices not differed, I would have thought the Notorious Shout! DJs' set was one long song, or a concert from 1976. Terrific!


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In One Week: Get Violated (Eeeek!)

After a steady stream of party-rumors, here is a watershed of information on the new Friday party big enough to change the Manhattan skyline. Each week, resident DJ Ian Cogneato will hold down the pillowfort that host Britneeeek! and DJ/host Janelle A have built as a slumberparty tent-of-sheets. Featuring weekly live performances and guest DJs, this party kicks off with Frankpollis and DJ *Michael* (addVice), and you are cordially invited to bring your flashlights and ghost stories. More details forthcoming, stay blog-as-tin-cans-and-string-tuned.


Violator, March 17
6's and 8's. 10pm to 4am.
205 Chrystie St, at Stanton St, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-477-6688
$5.
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Dancin' in the Dark to Rebel Yell

When all my hipster friends who live off my L stop go dancing without inviting me, this is the party they go to. Last night, I talked to DJ Rob Hitt about song selection and history-through-juxtaposition. My contribution to the conversation was how to mix from Bruce Springsteen to Billy Idol. Last week was the Fall Out Boy after party, this week nothing super-exciting is planned, but this Kirby-Puckett-flyer'd party is sure to be a Hitt. Incidentally, over the next few weeks this party will be re-named as R.i.P., and the flyer campaign [see left] is amazing.


Fridays at Orchard Bar, March 10
Orchard Bar. 10pm to 4am.
200 Orchard Street, btw Houston & Stanton, Lower East Side

FREE.
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A "Slick" Dress Code, and a Sticky Dancefloor

Even the name is an invitation to get dirty to guest DJ Ewan Pearson's unbeatable tech-beats. Sponsored by one of the world's top vodka producers, this party is absolut-ely the best place to get trashed. Your residents, Carmine A. Potenza, Justin Strauss, and Bryan Mette play electro-house, acid and tech-rock. Self-described as a night of "nasty music for the dirty generation," it might be phenomenal, but I am going to skip this one and opt for some Pepsi. For reduced admission, rsvp to filthynyc@yahoo.com.


Filthy, March 10
Element. 10pm.
225 E. Houston St, at Essex,
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

$10.
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Walk-Off!

12:06am

In my Something Tight post from Thursday (forgive the lack of hyperlink, I am on my Sidekick) I mentioned a walk-off, and, figuring it would be a bunch of sweaty dudes and sort of drunk girls, I made a challenge to "bring it."

Apparently, I am an idiot: the 2:00am walk-off is going to be among the current season's cast of America's Next Top Model. They better bring it, and you had best get here. It's gonna be fierce.


Something Tight
Happy Ending. 10pm to 4am.
302 Broome St, at Forsyth St, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-334-9676
FREE
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It's Hard to be a Saint in the City

Tonight, cityzen.tv, the magazine for artists, industry and fans presents their Second Anniversary Showcase. The event promoters promise "controlled euphoria" at the party featuring R. Star, Valeze and the Rockem Sockem* DJs. The Six Noble Truths tonight are bands the Midnight Show, Explorer, Cousin, Mercury Landing, Hyjinx and Feel Driver. Here is your opportunity to do something nice for a change.


Cityzen.tv Second Anniversary Showcase, March 9
Happy Valley. 8pm to 3am.
14 E 27th St, between Fifth and Madison Ave, Chelsea
[N,R,W to 23rd St]
212-481-2628
$10 advance, $15 at the door.
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Those Are My Friends In the Photo!

Today, it was sort of warm in the city; tonight, get naked in the graphic and explicit underground of Lit. Take advantage of the drink specials by raising your glass to DJs Jess and Bastard, and take advantage of your friends getting drunk and actually wanting to make out with you. Rock 'n' roll haircuts by Stephonik will keep the party dancefloor sweaty and clipped-ears bloody. The Lost and Found is totally credible, throw your clothes all over the place.

Special thanks to Jess for linking The L at indierotica (but go there for the nudie pics.)


NC-17, March 9
Lit. 10pm.
93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-7987

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These Nylons Are Seamless

A departure from the downtown, indie dance scene, consider this tip a post-Christmas stocking stuffer: Every Thursday, DJ Jaymz Nylon kicks out the jams so hard he might get a run in his nylons. These sessions are fabrications of the underground with deep, soulful Afro-Latin house, nujazz and brokenbeat. With beat matching as smooth as silk and feel-good music as warm as wool, get caught up in the fishnets of rhythm in Nylon's ocean of sound.


The Nylon Sessions, March 9
Element. 10pm.
225 E. Houston St, at Essex,
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

FREE.
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"Auntie Em, ANTM!"

This week's edition of Something Tight has runway-walked its way into my heart, and its fan club t-shirt I am "pret-a-porter." In celebration of the Season Finale of Project Runway and the premiere of America's Next Top Model Cycle 6, tonight at 2:00am Ford model Patty Delaney will host a "Super-Fierce Runway Walkoff." Resident Mp3js Telfar and Timmy and guest Shandi, from ANTM Cycle 2, will give you a compcard's worth of dance hits. With so much headshot-talk, the "Slim and Tipsy" (SlimFast and vodka) shot doesn't sound so terrible. Really, though, bring it tonight— when I win the walk off, I want it to have been a real challenge.


Something Tight: Fashion Forward, March 9
Happy Ending. 10pm.
302 Broome St, at Forsyth St, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-334-9676
Free.
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Ooh, Baby Baby [Salt 'n' Pepa]... Baby, Baby, Baby [James Brown]

After seeing the pirate baby on the SoulPusher flyer, I have a very maternal feeling that some of tonight's pushin' will involve controlled breathing. Schedule your epidural for tomorrow; tonight you will need your spine to keep you dancing. At 12am the James Brown hour returns, and perhaps a group of revelers will get up and Rudy Huxtable lip synch the "baby" refrain in "I Got the Feeling." With three floors of music, June D, DJ Baron and TKOmri have called in some high-caliber reinforcements: guest DJs tonight are the Revolver DJs (Miami) and the band line-up is Purple Crush, Sigmund Droid, Perfuma and the Hurry-Up Offense. The Stork has arranged to deliver free giveaways from Filter Magazine, Rockstar Energy Drink, the Onion and Crunch Fitness. rsvp@soulpushernyc.com


SoulPusher, March 9
The Delancey. 9pm.
168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-254-9920
Free.
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The Glowsticks' Lights Are Almost Palpable, the Sound is Almost Tactile

Maximal is the monthly outside-the-box thinktank held in the geometric ground-floor level of Happy Ending. Tonight's guests are prey-on partiers Wolf and Lamb and Juan Gaviria. This party offers up minimal techno, acid house, ghetto-tech, Tuetonic-tinged EBM/industrial, space station italo, dubby discofunk and the funky fresh freestyle and HI_NRG of old New York. Once a month, host Sheal turns the downtown indie dance scene into a nearly-90s dance party far enough away from a rave to be ok with me to write about. Careful, now, though.

photo courtesy Julian Gilbert


Maximal
Happy Ending. 10pm to 4am.
302 Broome St, at Forsyth St, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-334-9676
FREE.
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Lions and Tigers, and Free Beers — Oh, My!

With all the rumors and scouting around, in recent weeks this blog has turned into Vacancy Records, Tanya Blum, Brion Isaacs and Franco V's personal serial-novel publisher. Even the print magazine has been Shindig!'s-stirrings-crazy. Everything coalesces tonight as confirmations are secured, the doorguy is scheduled to arrive and the cops are put on standby. Come out for DJs Franco V, Michael Fujikawa, and an all-riot grrrl (not really) set by Ultragrrrl. Lions and Tigers, Stylofone and the Roaring 20's will get the place roaring at 10 and (ideally) not get the party shut down by midnight.


Shindig!, March 8
175 Franklin St. 10pm to 4am.
175 Franklin St, Between Hudson and Greenwich Sts, Greenwich Village
[1,9 to Franklin St]

$15 Required Donation, All Night Open Bar.
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Make a Real Splash at Spunk'd

Reminding you of the free clothes-check, underwear party king Daniel Nardicio and host Cazwell invite you to strip down to your bloomers and have an Oscar-Wilde time at this all-male review. This labyrinth of sex and music is a Roman Bath of electrifying performances, featuring go-go shower shows at 1 and 2am, and live porn auditions. DJ Jon Jon Battles will be bare-knuckles warring and bare-bottoms whoring on the main floor while Sammy Jo DJs upstairs. Aaron Elvis DJs downstairs, and has the best seat in the house when, in two weeks, the basement policy changes to mandatory clothes-check. Email daniel@dnnyc.com to be put on the reduced list.


Spunk'd, March 8
Splash. 10pm to 4am.
50 W. 17th St, Between Fifth and Sixth Aves, Chelsea
[F,V,1,2,3,9 to 14th St; L to Sixth Ave]

$5, $10 after 12.
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The Sun Never Sets on This Englishman's Empire

Tonight, convention-breaking DJ Matthew Herbert takes you on a genres-as-states boundary-crossing, cross-country trip à la Humbert Humbert. Canal Room is the quickest way from the Atlantic of your daily life to the Pacific of your nightlife. This UK artist, also a classically trained pianist, has gone one better than Henry VIII, making nine albums, and is considered royalty across the globe. For more information, check out the Giant Step Marketing website.


Matthew Herbert, March 8
Canal Room. 10pm.
285 W Broadway, at Canal St, Soho
[A,C,E to Canal St]

$17 advance tickets at www.giantstepstore.net; $20 at the door.
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You Know, It's About Time For Night Time

The next Night Time, Justine D. and Dave P.'s monthly party, is only a waxing-gibbous-turning-to-full-moon away. I have only a crescent of information, but am please to announce that Maurice Fulton will be headlining March 17th's party. In addition, DFA's own organically-mechanically juxtaposed Shit Robot will be playing techno hits with acoustic guitar accompaniment. Jacques Renault will keep the party a real adventure, reading excerpts from Cousteau biographies and pointing out the dancefloor sea anemone and nightlife anomalies. Come for a night of anomie, stay for an escape from the waning New York nightlife.


Night Time
Don Hill's. 10pm to 4am.
511 Greenwich St, at Spring St, Soho
[1,9 to Canal St]
212-219-2850
$10, advance tickets at othermusic.com.
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Whenever I Joke About Drugs, I am Kidding about Ketamine

I've never felt more like I was in Satyricon then when at this party. The bartenders go topless, the go-go dancers are underage, there is swinging from the ceiling and there are enough drag queens and transsexuals around to truly justify the term "unisex bathrooms." Tonight Kim Ann Foxman is DJing downstairs, promising to bring back the old school so hard you might think you're in a K hole all over again. That's what she says, I don't even like berry-flavored cereal.


Happy Valley Tuesdays
Happy Valley. 10pm to 4am.
14 E 27th St, between Fifth and Madison Ave, Chelsea
[N,R,W to 23rd St]
212-481-2628

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More Catty Than a Locker Room at an All-Girls Catholic High School

The hairy tradition of dancing with cats dates back to 1692, and, in honor of it, I want to invite you kitties to gather 'round the (spiked) milk bowl. Tonight the scratching is from Bree, Anja and "two other girls," tag-team-battling-it-out in the DJ booth. Having banned dogs (especially their kibbles 'n bits), get Friskies at this one-stop-shuffle that has all the best in cheap booze, cheap broads, cheap billiards and cheap photography (nudie pics!) Scant details, I know, but do not get catty with me. Incidentally, Bree is The L's newest intern, she starts on Friday.


Cat Fight!, March 7
The Skinny. 11pm to 4am.
174 Orchard St, between Houston and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-228-3668
FREE.
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Flying Saucer-Themed Venue, Pizza-Sauce-Themed Kitchen, and Saucer-Like Records

Apparently today's theme is dance parties paired with things that do not go well with dance parties. Have you ever tried to move after eating New York pizza? Give dancing a try with a stomach full of grease and cheese; give picking up cuties a try with brick oven breath. Oh, but this place is more of a lounge bar — which could, for the MisShapes, yield more edifying results than their hit-the-lights, black-out-drunk Saturday party. They and Melody Nelson are your resident DJs, and your hosts are Sophia Lamar (OMG!, two themes: Michael Alig-related, too) and Adam Wormseye. There will be two surprise guests tonight, but no surprises here: work a look for door man (and more!) Thomas Onorato. To be put on the list, send a message to the MisShapes .


Tuesdays at Pizza Bar, March 7
Pizza Bar. 9pm to 3am.
1449 9th Avenue, at 14th St,

Free.
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This Party is Gonna Be Smokin'

Cigarette-sponsored events based on cardio-based dancing are just as silly as alcohol-sponsored racing events and McDonald's sponsoring the Olympics. What a marketing campaign. Anyway, Export A is giving away free cigarettes and cases; how is that for an introduction? With an open vodka bar from 9:30 to 11:30pm, this is totally for you, you social, I-only-smoke-when-I-drink smokers. Steve Aoki, Kid Millionare will be Richie Rich-ing (both Macaulay Culkin and Heatherette... And, oh, the Michael Alig wanderings from that) in the DJ booth and Low Budget will keep the overhead low, while giving you plenty of bass. Justine D., soft-spoken and loud-rockin', might be the best reason to leave the house tonight. You must rsvp: rsvp@onthegomarketing.com
Human and pony hair by Jordan Long


Export A Presents: A-List Event Series Part 2, March 7
APT. Daily 6pm to 4am.
419 W 13th St, at Tenth Ave, Meatpacking District
[A,C,E to 14th St; L to Eighth Ave]
212-414-4245
Free (RSVP required).
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On 3/6 We Thrown Down For Three 6

Louisahhh and Chris Sparx guest DJ this week's Bad Attitude, and are turning it into a Three 6 Mafia celebration party. Nothing official, obv., but if you come in singing either "Poppin' My Collar" or "Stay Fly" then you are pretty much guaranteed a free drink — some of that purple drank, even. Louisahhh has said that she will be quoting Herman Hesse all night, and maybe Chris Sparx will play some Steppenwolf. Regardless, with Louisahhhh's electro/hip-hop set up against Chris' punk rock, it will be like a cell-splice of James Murphy.


Bad Attitude, March 6
Mundial. 10pm to 4am.
505 E 12th St, between Aves A and B, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-982-1282
FREE.
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Is There An Award for Best Nightlife Blogger?

In a blur of the day-after media blitz surrounding last-night's Oscars (a show which I did not watch) I thought it would be timely to present to you, you astronauts of the blogosphere, the nominees for the Fourth Annual Club World Awards (a show that I am petitioning to attend). The black-tie-and-glow-sticks event will take place in Miami on March 25, during Winter Music Conference 2006. The ceremony honors the best club and lounge venues and the people that make it tick... And boom, flash and glow. Disco Globe trophy-winners are selected by a panel of ten industry-veteran, neutral judges; while the Nightstalker award is determined by online voting and is very "people's choice"-esque. My vote is for the L to all-expenses-paid send me to Florida. Forget the Governor's Ball, imagine this after-party.


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The Party: Urban House, The Opening Night: Urbane Hors D'oeuvres

If you are into underground hip hop and roof-raising house anthems, Monday nights are your winning lottery ticket: You will not get any richer, but you will want to quit your dayjob. Tonight's premiere heralds what will surely be the premier event for showcasing the best new and unreleased urban house. Your resident DJs are OP! (BBE/Studio Distribution) and Scribe (Raw Fusion). OP!'s brand of hip hop is for the below-the-waist bootyshakers of the underground scene, while eclectic and soulful Scribe writes his own letter of recommendation every time he is behind his turntables. Incidentally, each week's sets will be posted Tuesdays as live streams.


Nu-iSh, March 6
Element. 10pm to 4am.
225 E. Houston St, at Essex,
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

$5 with rsvp to rsvp@elementny.com.
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"...and I shall shed my light over dark evil. For the dark things cannot stand the [music], the [music] of the Green Lantern!"

Arrive early to get your [retail]mafia-inspired back room, door-facing table for you and your Justice Society of America friends. DJ Green Lantern will be guarding the (DJ-booth) universe and DJ Elle will be flipping through her record collection like it's a fashion magazine. Good thing I still have my Walkman: tonight's anniversary party has two sides, doubling as a mixtape release party for G.L.'s "Alive on Arrival." I have already touched my power ring to the lantern; its charge will keep me up all night dancing.


Retail Mafia's 2 Year Anniversary, March 6
Sway. 10pm to 4am.
305 Spring St, between Greenwich and Washington Sts, Hudson, Soho
[C,E to Spring St]
212-620-5220
$5 for guys, free for girls.
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Pay to Get In, Prey on Pretty Boys, PRAY to Get Out

A two-room former movie house with enough creepy ambiance to make Vincent Price proud is the perfect spot for a Monday night Horror movie dance party. With rock and, presumably, death metal in the front room and bone-chilling, spinal cord-tingling, skull-splitting flicks in the back room, this weekly dancefloor bloodbath is a favorite of cinema geeks, metal heads and gore-o-philes. This two-room circus presents a carnival of terror tonight: the feature is The Funhouse, 1981's answer to how to ruin Fourth of July festivals. The folks behind the party are always looking for fresh blood— join their mailing list at metropolNYC@aol.com.


Metropol NYC: The Funhouse, March 6
Rififi. 10pm to 4am.
332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-677-1027
Free, one drink minimum.
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Weekend Update

Saturday, March 4

* misSHAPES
They have not bothered to upate their website, so who knows what histrionics and hysterics are planned by the indefatigable and disaffected-looking DJs Loveleigh, Greg K. and Geo. Rest assured (rather, dance all night) knowing that you will be surrounded by women who would never give you the time of day — if even a second glance — and boys whose androgyny demands at least two glances to ensure their boydom.


* Tempation
This is a New York new wave party with all the heart of a dyed-in-the-wool-love-of-the-80s, long-sweaters-and-French-rolled-jeans-wearing dance night. Bring your fashion-forward slap bracelets and your getting-'numbers-at-the-bar TrapperKeepers to this dancefloor Breakfast Club.


* Rated X, The Panty Party
What follows is an official statement, re-printed in full, regarding the temporary closing of Rated X, The Panty Party after this weekend:
Dear Panty People-
There's been an awful lot of gossip as of late in regards to Scenic and the parties they currently host. Sadly, the gossip is not as tawdry or scandalous as we would all like it to be. Basically, this is the deal, Scenic, will be shutting down for about 4-6 weeks. As of now, we are scheduled to return to Scenic on Saturdays once they've reopened. We [Rated X] will NOT be anywhere else in the interim. However, if anything changes between then and now we'll let all of you know via the Shaw Promotion e-mail blast and our Myspace page. We're very sorry for this inconvenience and we hope to see all you naked bad boys and girls and in betweens very soon!
xo
Theo & Michael T.
See you hanging around later.


Sunday, March 5

* Skwair
Expect classics and schmaltz, waltzing and breakdancing. Huey Lewis and news-making hilarity. Cheyo and thee Other Guy welcome you to their square of the world.


* Smash It Up!
Is there anything more punk rock than a Sunday night dance party? While the squares are at home sleeping, the asymmetrical clothes come on and geometrically-inspired hairstyles are Elmer's-glued up.


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Loud, Electronic, Ferocious, Done!

Corsten's Loud, Electronic, Ferocious! party is coming to a close tonight. No fear, he is working on a new album that will be loud, electronic, ferocious and more. His most-recent release "Passport: Kingdom of the Netherlands" is available now.

Carry the Cause

Both today and Saturday night, wake up early from your pre-dancing-until-sunrise-naps, from 7:00 to 10:00 Crobar is hosting a Malia Designs sample sale, an exclusive preview of their spring handbag collection. Portions of the proceeds will go to benefit organizations, including the Cambodia Women's Crisis Center, that fight human trafficking and sex slavery. With price points between 20 and 60 dollars, you will look good through doing good and will still be able to get your post-dancing, 7am, 15-dollar omelet.


Loud, Electronic, Ferocious! March 3
Crobar. 7pm to 4am.
530 W 28th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves, Chelsea
[C,E to 23rd St]
212-629-9000
$20 Advance/$30 Door.
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Tonight: The Best-Looking Boys Aren't Taken, The Best-Lookin' Girls Aren't Staying Inside

Tonight pay homage to the twee-pop Scots Belle and Sebastian as Mondo, the bi-monthy culture mag, hosts its very own B&S after party. Always a freewheelin' night of indie rock, outré pop, retro and punk, the mix satisfies both indie savants and weekend indie-rockers. Now at their new location, brave the cold for a house-warming party full of bedroom pop. During "Judy and the Dream of Horses" we are going to put on plaid sweaters and dance like the Peanuts.


Mondo, March 3
Luke and Leroy. 10pm to 4am.
21 7th ave. so., Leroy, Greenwich Village
[A,C,E to 14th St; L to Eighth Ave]
212-929-8356
FREE.
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If This Seems Unnecessarily Angry, Then Look at Google's First Result for "Maasive"

I was listening to Springsteen and feeling a sort of John Steinbeckian/Carl Sandburgian-nostalgia when the email I got from Pacha took me back to a much simpler time: of listening to deep techno and being terrifically interested in photographs of half-naked women. Timo Maas, along with Sleepy and Boo, headlines tonight's event that includes an opportunity to meet Krista Ayne, the April 2006 Penthouse Pet. Of his most recent album, Timo says, "Now there are more rock influences, hip-hop influences and more alternative stuff. It's important to prove that dance music can be pushed into new directions." What would really be a nice, new direction would be for Penthouse to go the way of the horse-drawn carriage. Giddy-up.
Advance tickets available at www.ticketweb.com.


Maasive!, March 3
Pacha. 10pm.
618 W 46th St, Between 11th Ave and West Side Highway,
212-209-7500
$30.
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This Week, the Internet. Next Week, Galaxies!

A few weeks ago I found myself being bass-heavied to death at MisShapes; the DJ was Tom Vek. Apparently this performance was only a minor star in his constellation of selling out —there is so much consumerism/capitalism in the next sentence you might want to put on your Photon suit and get your pipe bomb ready before continuing. Apparently, on March 9 at 9pm (immediately following Fox's American Idol) Tom Vek will appear in an episode of The OC; in conjunction with his appearance, StarTime International will release an exclusive iTunes EP of previously unreleased tracks. The track listing is:
1. Nothing But Green Lights (Phones Madchester '90s Mix)
2. One Horse Race
3. Music Television


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You Got It, Dude

Oh, my goodness. This will be hilarious for longer than a New York Minute: tonight Nicole Richie and Ashley Olsen are throwing a party that sounds like Double, Double Toil and Trouble, a Surreal-Life-style arabesque of the Simple Life and Full House. Timmy (the Look) is DJing a How the West Was Fun 11:00 to 1:30 set and Chase is hosting this Passport to Paris. Email me at zachary@thelmagazine.com before, like, nine for the super-secret, funny-business-preventing password. Come for the celebrity sightings, stay for the finger (down the throat) foods, wake up denying all the rumors. [My] lips are sealed.


Life is Beautiful, March 2
Boudoir. 10pm.
127 W. Eighth Ave, at 16th St,

FREE.
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Hey Punks, Rock the House!

I had to put on Operation Ivy to even begin writing about this party. Goodness, I might even skateboard to work tomorrow. Thrashers, Heshers and Ravers unite (Unity!) as hosts Shawn Ske, Bugsy, Alex Corporan, Oxy Cottontail and Friends raise high the multi-faceted flag (back patch?) of 80s dance hits, 90s floor-punching-punk, rock 'em-sock 'em-rock, and "'Who's House?' 'Our House!'"-house. With deals like a JD shot and PBR or Tequila shot and Tecate for 6 dollars, what eco-loving punk or synthetic fiber-loving club kid could resist?


Teenage Kicks, March 2
Soho 323. 10pm.
323 W Broadway, between Canal and Grand Sts, Soho
[B,D to Grand St]

FREE.
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His Music? Eh. But Maybe He Can Beatmatch?

I think I can live the rest of my life just fine without having to hear LCD Soundsytem again. In theory, and perhaps even on paper, James Murphy (DFA Records/LCD Soundsystem) is a brilliant and untamable genre-breaker... But, really, how much thought does it take to combine punk and disco... In fact, is that not against the entire ethos, pathos, and argot of punk? The boy does have an ear for sound, though... Check it out, and let me know how it is. After all, "everybody makes mistakes [and] I feel all right when I come undone." For now, I would rather just go see this particular James Murphy.


James Murphy at Cheeky Bastard, March 2
Hiro. 10pm.
16th St, at Ninth Ave,

$20, $5 reduced at www.gbh.tv.
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Finally, a Dance Party in Your Bedroom

Radio is the best way to deal with LoveLeigh, Greg K. and Geo, the DJs whose party has a no-beatmatching policy. Their radio show is a taste of their Saturday night party, a triumverent-hosted dance party that reads like a Triage Drill. The similarities are kind of eerie; if you don't believe me, go this weekend and see how everybody fits in the same categories:
The Expectant are dressed in solid black and are so over the ennui of everyday life. Pale as death, these kids never see the sun aside from their JMZ ride home in Brooklyn mornings.
The Immediate are salvageably affected— look for flashes of red in either headbands, winter caps and belts or clashingly paired with pink, brown, purple, or green (seasonal).
The Yellow ones, those sallow-looking kids on stage, are on the fence between being successful at their internships/earning their undergraduate degrees and spending their parents' money at the open bar, and are the most conspicuously insecure: bright colors, fluorescents, hypercolor shirts, neon anythings, copious accouterments, blowing a full-season's load of misguided fashion in a Hair-inspired outfit (long, straight, curly, fuzzy, saggy, shaggy, ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen, knotted, polka-dotted, twisted, beaded, braided, powdered, flowered, and confettied, bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied.)
The Green are sick with jealousy, they might have real jobs and only go out one night a week: they are envious of the free-love atmosphere, and angry that they wasted their Saturday night on Don Hill's.
The Ones in White are just barely in the scene, they have real jobs and are not judgemental, smug, literary-cinema types who might actually be older than 19.
Listen to the show for great music and hilarious banter, stay away from the party unless you are looking for statutory charges and black-out drunks.
Misshapes Radio: Tonight at 10pm on East Village Radio


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I'd Rather Know a 'Pusher Than a Shover, 'Cause a Shover's a Jerk*

The party is free with an email to rsvp@soulpushernyc.com, but I will be working the door— I don't care what list you are on, you'd better work a look.
A night of dancing sounds much better than an all-night Nintendo tournament, and adult party drinks are much more fun than your 15th birthday where you got dusted on caffeine. This party has the stuff of a young boy's sleepover birthday party dreams: pretty girls. To avoid arguments about whose CD-binder's contents are best, the SoulPushers have booked Melody Nelson (Calling All Kids!), and, to keep the soda-buying burden off your mother, the Soul Shot will be available all night. Far more entertaining than your dad's boyhood anecdotes and pizza-party boyish antics, bands Clear Static, Dangerous Muse, Madison and Alister Doomington are performing.
*Yes, I realize that it is inverted.
Photo courtesy of lastnightsparty.com


SoulPusherNYC: Birthday Bash
The Delancey. 10pm to 4am.
168 Delancey St, btw Clinton and Attorney, Lower East Side
212-254-9920
Free with RSVP, $5 at door.
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Three Steps for Two Parties (at One Venue)

Step One: Find a glass bottle (a two-floor, ominously torture-chamber-looking venue will work).
Step Two: Take one part William Upski Wimsatt's Bomb the Suburbs and add in an equal amount of the Fugs' "Kill for Peace", the former will rise to the top, while the latter sinks to the bottom.
Step Three: Dress the part. An ironic/hip bandana will look nice tied around your neck, somewhere between Jon Voigt and Abbie Hoffman. If you have the courage, light it on fire.
Step Four: Play loud music, shake it all around, spin-the-bottle, throw it, etc.
Step Five: Run. Do not blame Louisahhh.


Hey, Suburbia/We Kill for Peace
Lit. 10pm to 4am.
93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-7987
FREE.
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New Party Alert: Fridays are the New Black

The JMZ train has always been a bit of a joke, but today it was F'd. I was late for work, but had a very serendipitous train-car meeting with a hair-dresser-turned-party-promoter who is rolling the dice on a new party. This is all very hand-to-hand, under-the-overpass information, but things are in the works for a Friday night party to reinvigorate Manhattan weekends. Our Thursdays are like Saturdays, so part of me wants to give weekends to the Midwest, but this party has all the trappings of the next big thing (you heard it here first). My source spoke of DJ sets and performances from live bands, of go-go dancers and hot socialites; a sensory overload of sights, sounds, cheap drinks, smelly bar-room floors and, perhaps, gropings. Violator is upon us. Check back here daily, for updates.


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Bangin' Beats and Lots of Shots

Justine D is very quickly becoming the fraternity-of-two sweetheart of this little beauty that Mark and I work on. Tonight the den mom will be at a PTA meeting so I am going to sneak out after dark, brandishing a toy pistol and my incipient love of dancing, and check out this slug-fest of shoot-em-up hits. With Miss D spinning, tonight it will be a Sadie Hawkins dance, while every week is a dance party explosion. This mid-week experiment in sexual chemistry will get all your potential chemical energy turned into kinetic energy. Wednesday night "study tables" have never been so fun.


Bang!
Beauty Bar. 10pm to 4am.
231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves, East Village
[L to Third Ave]
212-539-1389
FREE.
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Party Update: Shindig 8

Last week, in a fog of conjecture and potentially specious, perhaps even spurious, information, I reported about the shapings-ups of the next Shindig! party. Now the smoke is clearing and clouds of unicorns are turning into real people with real details. I would like to deliver them here, as your hot air balloon-ing tour guide. This is the party that has so often gone down like a lead balloon or a screaming, free-falling skydiver, into the arms of waiting noise violations and police officers. On March 8, Shindig will once again take off, but in a new air space perhaps bereft of police officers and noise-concerned tenants. I am as incredulous as you, but (as of yet) all the details reported are accurate... the real news is that the new location is 175 Franklin. Here's to no cops reading this.


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Hollabacknyc.com: We're Women, We're Here, We're Fabulous, Don't Fuck With Us
Though this blog is where you should go to find nightly silliness, I would, however, like to throw in some edifying points along the road to perdition. The grindcore (argue this, fine) band Combat Wounded Veteran might have said it best , but I would like my end of this blog to be as much about dancing on the ceiling as destroying the glass ceiling. As the founder of a feminist gangsta rap group and someone who loves both his mother and sister, it seems pertinent right now to highlight this website — something of an e-version of Take Back the Night — and tonight's screening/post-screening panel discussion of War Zone, a documentary about street harrassment. The rsvp list for tonight's screening is full, but contact olivia@lanternbooks.com to get on the waiting list. Row, Row, Roe your boat.


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ShoeLESS Joe and Smoke L.E.S.

Ever since I saw Footloose and first longed to be the rule-breaker-outlaw-dance-enthusiastist that I have become, I have had a longing for a true reason to put on my dancing shoes and really Kevin-Bacon-fry the dance floor. Tonight my let's-hear-it-for-the-boy dream comes true at the NYC Black Box Launch Party. Gravis and Stash are sponsoring the event and I will be burning holes in the soles of my shoes trying to fill up my little black book [if you have been reading this blog then you know how to get a hold of me] while Smoke L.E.S. fans the flames. After the launch, the party is going to move to Soho 323 (323 West Broadway) where Sapporo and Vitamin Water will be pouring complimentary drinks. The after-after party is going to take place in an abandoned train station where we will all graffiti the walls and read poetry to each other. rsvp@gravisfootwear.com


Black Box Launch Party
Recon/Nort. 6 to 8pm.
359 Lafayette St,

FREE.
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La da dee, la dee da: Uh oh, Uh oh, Here Comes the Hammer

Whoever came up with these co-headliners should be crowned both the king and queen of Mardi Gras. M.C. Hammer and Crystal Waters headline tonight's event hosted by Amazing Race 4 winner Reichen Lehmkuhl, obviously the only one of the three with any staying power. This is 2 Legit 2 B a joke. This taste of the Big Easy in the Big Apple will benefit the NO/AIDS Task Force, New Orleans' only AIDS service provider, which had its offices destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Even with a parade-float line as DJ list (including New York's top DJs) and special performances from some of New York's most far-reaching and uniquely far-out performers, I still cannot get beyond the silliness of the headlining mash-up, even the mention of an appearance from the Village People's Randy Jones leaves me going Y, why, why — with no Amazing-Race energy to get to the M-C-A. Beads will be thrown, masks will be worn, and both feather boas and inhibitions will be tossed in the air as Chelsea gets some French Quarter put into it (ahem). Tonight is the night to dig out your Hammer pants and strap your accordion to your chest. Tickets available at www.smarttix.com, VIP booths at 212-505-1700 x 10


Manhattan Mardi Gras
Roxy. 9pm to 4am.
515 W 18th St, between Tenth and Eleventh Aves, Chelsea
[1,9 to 18th St]
212-645-5156
$20 in advance/$25 at the door.
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Beads, Beats and Bembe

I have more brilliantly colored, toy, plastic junk crowding me out of my apartment than anyone ever needs, but, always the acquistive person, what is one more strand of beads? Tonight's Fat Tuesday celebration will be a stilts-and-confetti carnival of masked faces and bare chests, with beads swinging and dresses swaying to the samba rhythms of the live percussion in DJs Duda and Baby Fresh's sets.


Fat Tuesday Carnival Party
Bembe. 10pm.
81 S6 St, at Berry St, Williamsburg
[L to Bedford Ave]
718-387-5389
FREE.
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And Now, a Party That Screams of Over-Compensating

Celebrity bartender (how did that happen?) Drew Conrad, in association with real-life celebrities Franco and Brion (Shindig! and the late Sexy Magazines), along with potential-celebrity Wayne (I Heart Jersey) invite you to a new weekly party packed with "trench coat and Cure makeup"-inspired goth rock, "Van Halen sidepipe in spandex"-inspired cock rock, "I got my cut off gloves at Wet Seal"-inspired pop rock, "Journey/Foreigner/REO Speedwagon are amazing"-inspired plain rock and maybe some skinny-tie new wave. There will be a late-night happy hour and the Whiskey Dick special (Rheingold and whiskey shot) will be available all night, inevitably eventuating, "I could not did not have sexual relations with that woman" morning-after proclamations.


Whiskey Dick
Black & White. .
86 E 10th St, between Third and Fourth Aves, East Village
[L to Third Ave]
212-253-0246

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The Basement Hits Rock Bottom

Tomorrow night is Cellar's official closing. For either soulless or money-grubbing reasons, the owners have decided to close the cellardoors in a move that my source likens to, forgive the contradiction, watching someone burn your home to the ground. Lovers of their workplace and of going out with a bang, Cellar employees are crawl-spacing out of the woodwork to keep the place open from 2pm to 4am. They are most pleased to announce the 4 to 8pm happy hour. Included in tomorrow night's somber but hardly sober festivities will be a 9pm trivia game. Check here for the post-Cellar pursuits of your favorite bartenders.


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A Girl Can Do What She Wants to Do

This is a screaming, "I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation," rock your face/forget your job Monday night of music and hysterics. With DJ Elle and Project Matt taking care of the hot tunes and Erica and Louisahhh pouring stiff drinks, this is the perfect end to a productive start of the work week. Heather Facebreaker will divide her time fairly evenly between being a good hostess and getting 'faced on body shots. Come bolo-tie one on with the five-dollar shot and beer Cowboy Special and 3 dollar pints all night. Every girl who buys a drink gets a free shot.


Bad Attitude
Mundial. 10pm.
505 E 12th St, between Aves A and B, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-982-1282
FREE.
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Your Chance to be el Alma de Fiesta

The good people of Le One Night Stand alerted me about this new bi-monthly rock y pop en espanol extravangaza. Starting tonight, every second and fourth Tuesdays the Lower East Side will turn into West Side Story with resident Marcelo Cunning spinning songs that as-of-now you do not know you love. This will be like going into a Bleecker Street record store and discovering their Spanish 45s are everything that you have been looking for in Kelly Clarkson, et al. Download this mix for a taste of what is to come. This is a party to go all-out for, remember: when you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way.


Nacotheque
Cake Shop. 10pm to 4am.
152 Ludlow St, between Stanton and Rivington Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-253-0036

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So the Sun Goes Down and the World Goes Dancing

Just when you thought Beauty Bar, 14th Street's hair-salon-turned-salon, could not get any more endearing, DJ Go-Karff, DJ Shermy and the Magnetic Field's Stephin Merritt appear like darling jack-in-the-boxes to present a night of psychedelic bubblegum for party people and others partial to invertebrate animals belonging to the phylum Mollusca. Filled with good music, candy, odd games, books and other distractamenta, your three sweetheart tour-guides will lead you through a night of underplayed classics of psychedelia, bubblegum, garage, girl groups, and so on. As your blog guide and party insider: don't fall in love with me yet, we've only recently met.


The Phantastic Invisible Tentacle
Beauty Bar. 7pm.
231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves, East Village
[L to Third Ave]
212-539-1389
FREE.
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Home: Photography by June Deuell


Before you head out to your favorite Monday-night-get-dusted-because-I-hate-my-job spot and end up in trashy photographs taken by your friends, find something more edifying in the opening of SoulPusherNYC Chanteuse-as-DJ (and Pratt MFA candidate) Miss June D's first solo exhibition, with a DJ set by 33hz. The series is composed of twenty works from the past two years and focuses on the emotional connection between June and her rural hometown. With images ranging from intimate family portraits to stark, desolate landscapes, her emphasis is on the decorum of everyday life and our reactions to nostalgia and distance.

June's work can be viewed daily from 12 to 5pm, this exhibition is open through March 3.

Photo courtesy of lastnightsparty.com


Home: Photography by June Deuell
Pratt Institute: Steuben West Gallery. 7pm to 10pm.
200 Willoughby Avenue, Brooklyn,

Free.
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Update: Indierotica.com

On Friday I reported that indierotica.com, the blue-photodiary of DJ/rockstar Jess had lost its domain and was now a smut hovel for men looking to do a bit of mono-loguing themselves. In the interest of research, I checked up on the site over the weekend and Jess is back in business. Now, the question is not one of finding your friends in Spring Break movies but of actually going dancing and meeting these e-darlings. It is Monday morning, keep checking here for plenty of opportunities to find pretty boys and girls.


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Two Dances Enter, One Dance Leaves

My first concert was Bachman Turner Overdrive, I saw them on a hill in Naperville, Illinois. My first experience with Christ-complex cult leaders was David Koresh, long after Jonestown. In the grand tradition of bands like Kathleen Turner Overdive and Brian Jonestown Massacre, fluffy promoters Oxy Cottontail have come about. Tonight, along with Nossa, Triple Five Soul, BPM, Sacramento and Cerveja Brahma, they present a capoeira tournament as DJ battle: Brazilian baile vs Jamaican dancehall; DJ Sujinho and Cassiano vs. DJ G. Brown. Transcend reality and find peace with the 11pm to 12am Brahma Beer open bar, become one with your inner thesaurus with complimentary BPM magazines.


Favela Clash 7
Luke and Leroy. 11pm to 4am.
21 7th ave. so., Leroy, Greenwich Village
[A,C,E to 14th St; L to Eighth Ave]
212-929-8356
$5.
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Premature Expiration

Up until today indierotica.com was a good-natured, feminism-redefining (maybe?) drunk-girls-in-bathrooms/naked-boys-and-girls-on-stage website maintained by DJ Jess (Trash!/NC-17). Say good bye to amateur, curious girls and hello to real, adulterated pornstars. This is the hypothetical "What if I saw a friend of mine in Girls Gone Wild" question in reverse: "Why am I seeing real pornstars and not my friends in various states of undress?" Who will address my grievances, who will right this wrong?


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Saturday: There's a Club if You'd Like to Go, You Could Meet Somebody Who Really Loves You

Morrissey has recently been questioned by the FBI, and if that is not a reason to dance then I should be flipping burgers somewhere (sike). If it's not love then it's the bomb (the bomb, the bomb) that will bring us together, tomorrow night DJ Mister X spins a night of the Smiths/Morrissey that will cause panic on the streets of the West Village. I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear... Maybe I will just cut my hair into a pompadour and be oblique about relationships.


Smiths/Morrissey Dance Party
Luke and Leroy. 10pm to 4am.
21 7th ave. so., Leroy, Greenwich Village
[A,C,E to 14th St; L to Eighth Ave]
212-929-8356
FREE.
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Superheros Are Sweet Enough—
The Burlesque Part is Just Icing on the Cake... er, Donut

Put on your primary-colors-themed cape, mask and spandex for this All-Superhero/Villain-themed burlesque show hosted by Doctor Donut. I cannot even begin to consider how to put together a sentence that could do justice to the wonderful ludicrousness of this entire idea. Silly is my Kryptonite and, "Jeepers creepers, Batman" I am done for. Promising an evening of culture, high art and the occasional nipple, Bradford Scobie (aka Doctor Donut) is, obviously, a genius.


All-Superhero/Villain-Themed Burlesque Show
Slipper Room. 11pm.
167 Orchard St, at Stanton St, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-592-0965
$5.
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Justine D and I spoke for all of ten seconds at Motherfucker, which is understandable because the New York Dolls were on stage. I snuck up on her in the DJ booth, which is a spot she will not be in tonight. She and NY Press present this bi-level, bi-weekly party that is the most action-packed Friday night event. This week Aktion is sponsored by the potentially-terrific-if-their-website-really-worked I Heart! DJ JDH will be doing scenes from West Side Story and Jacques Renault will read excerpts from Phantom of the Opera in the dungeon portion of the bar, while upstairs Maurice of Glamdammit! mouths all the lyrics to every punk, glam and power pop song he can fit into his set. The upstairs open Sparks bar requires a stamp, get it at the door.


Aktion
Lit. .
93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-7987

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The 1920s-Era High School House Party

I have some back-alley, hand-to-hand information to pass along to you. The tip is that the notorious and bust-able Shindig party will Prohibition-era-style return on March 8. At one of two possible locations, either 175 Franklin or 60 Gansevoort, the event will have two bars worth of free booze (and, perhaps, a claw-foot bathtub of beer.) Bands Stylophone, Lions and Tigers (with Brion of the Exy Magazines) and the Roaring Twenties along with Ultragrrrl DJing will keep the party going until the coppers bust in and break up the event à la mom-and-dad coming home early from vacation. If the music cuts out, play "Shh, We Are in an Art Gallery": the booze-art party will feature art from Alex Spinney, Pablo Lopez and Matt Kleigman. The 15 dollar required donation stays, to cover your alcohol, and their fines.


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A Startling Example That Print is Dead

As hip and current as The L Magazine is, this blog is just so much more with it. What follows is a correction of information from our current issue:

The SoulPusherNYC Birthday Bash has been moved from February 23 (tonight) to March 2. There are any number of hilarious reasons for the move, the wheels of bureaucracy are spinning some serious hipster-related conjecture but really, I am just moonwalking in place here: no scandals to report.

In celebration of June D's and DJ Baron's birthdays, SoulPusherNYC and Nylon Magazine are throwing a party. With 80s movies projections and underwear-pillowfight-inspired dance moves, this sleepover party will be the perfect chance to practice making out on something other than your hand. Clear Static is performing live, and the full bill includes Dangerous Muse, Madison and Alister Doomington. Along with DJs June D, DJ Baron and TKOmri, guest DJ Audrey Melody Nelson (Calling All Kids!) will spin some records, making it an even game of girls vs. boys pre-birthday-cake Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Always the terrific hosts, the SoulPushers have arranged for gifts from Nylon Magazine, Girlie Action and Filter Magazine. Rsvp@soulpushernyc.com


SoulPusherNYC
The Delancey. 9pm to 4am.
168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-254-9920
FREE.
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No Children Admitted Without a Guardian: Bring Your Parents Out Dancing

Ask me for the free-admission password to get past doorgirl Nikki Sneakers.

After a January filled with birthdays, this past week has been packed with anniversaries; last night was Lit's four-year anniversary, and last week Trash! celebrated its fourth year. Tonight come act like delinquent eight year olds at this no-children admitted dance party. DJ Jess and Bastard (Shit Hammered!) preside over this weekly spectacle of gawking at go go cheerleaders and full-body-contact rock 'n' roll.


NC-17
Lit. 10pm to 4am.
93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-7987

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Lush Decor and Luscious Lushes

Email me at zachary@thelmagazine.com for the easy-entry password; the party is free, but the place does have a long, firecode-necessitated line outside and the weather is pretty brutal. Hostess Chase will be wearing her corset and DJs Matt Creed and Will Lemon will be in cod pieces; the venue is a ladies-sitting-room of lounging beauties and gentlemen callers- a dance floor dressed up like the ballroom passages in European novels. All that has changed is that it is Sebastian Bach playing instead of Johann Sebastian Bach and that the women are not courtesans- remember this, boys.


Life is Beautiful
Boudoir. 10pm to 4am.
127 W. Eighth Ave, at 16th St,

Free.
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This Week's Most Important Party

Tonight the Captain is DJing a fundraiser/party and slide show of Mozambique to benefit a group of NYU graduate students who will be providing voluntary consulting and AIDS work in Africa. The group will be working with Centro Communitario de Sto. Estevao, an orphanage and school for AIDS orpans and vulnerable children in Matola, Mozambique. Drink specials come with your (voluntary) donation.


Fundraiser/Party
Beauty Bar. .
231 E 14th St, between Second and Third Aves, East Village
[L to Third Ave]
212-539-1389
Free.
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Friday: Tear the Tiles Off the Floor

Before the (temporary) closing and cosmetic re-designing of Scenic, stop by for the final night of Hot Fuckin' Pink in its current location. While the closing is suspicious one thing is very conspicuous: that is going out with a bang. Hosted by the singularly untouchable Sophia Lamar, and with DJ sets from Louisahhh, Japanster, Micprobes, Spencer Product, Denny Le Nimh, 24Court and surprise guests, this pre-construction dance party will take care of bringing the house down. Figo will perform downstairs, maybe with a Mozart cover.


Hot Fuckin' Pink
Scenic. 10pm to 4am.
25 Ave B, between 2nd and 3rd Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

FREE.
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"We Move Like Cagey Tigers, We Couldn't Get Closer Than This"

No cover, no rules, copious drink specials [10pm to 12am] and the Look's Chase! It's Promise's (of Black Angels) birthday, and this birthday bash promises to be full of memories. Come lose one or two of your nine lives, dance on the speakers, land on your feet. A party called Cat Suit at a venue called Climax will certainly get a little sexy, bring your cat o' nine tails if you are looking to get pawed. No word yet on a Michelle Pfieffer showing, or a cute couples contest.


Catsuit
Climax. 10pm to 4am.
14 Avenue B, Between 1st and 2nd Sts, East Village
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]

FREE.
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Sway-ing Over to the Darkside

Apparently Sway has a bit too much of a palm-tree, sand-in-your-shoes, Jan-and-Dean association for Ad Lib residents The Vet and Ted S (Radio Gay Beach). Trading in their Band-inspired mandolins (or, um, ukelees) for six-stringed battle axes, the Ad Lib is taking their Wednesday night party to Dark Room, a more Black Sabbath-friendly and Smoke on the Water-ready venue. Promising dirty rock and soul, come out for the stoner metal and stay for the Sam Cooke.


the Ad Lib
The Darkroom. 10pm to 4am.
165 Ludlow St, between Houston and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]

FREE.
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A.M, the F.M the P.M., Too

Come celebrate Lit's 4-year anniversary and my good friend Dana's birthday; dangling jello-shots in front of you, hosts Mike Nouveau and Jaidee invite you to a more intimate version of their Nouveau party. With two floors of dancefloor excellence, tonight's event is a perfect cooldown from the heartwarming of Valentine's Nouveau. Featuring DJs Larry Tee, Micprobes and Shaun Slaughter; downstairs will be a spin-cycle of rock 'n' roll explosion, while upstairs you can treat yourself to sleazy electro, drum machine rock, punk-funk indie-dance damage and booty.


Mini-Nouveau
Lit. 10pm to 4am.
93 Second Ave, between 5th and 6th Sts, East Village
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-7987
FREE.
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Telegraphing and Teleporting All Kids

This party is not an invitation to stand on your Sidekick and call your friends, or any kids for that matter. True to the nature of its name, and in the spirit 1926's first across-the-Atlantic phone call, this affair happens simultaneously in London and New York. Well, as simultaneously as the time difference allows. All the more reason to charter a plane and do the party twice.


Calling All Kids
Sapphire Lounge. 9pm to 4am.
249 Eldridge St, between Houston and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-777-5153

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Definitely Not the Same Old Situation, the Same Old Song and Dance

Stay "Up All Night" tonight with Shaun Slaughter of Vicious Pink (Sacramento) and Denny le Nimh (Hot Pink, Phx and NYC). These brothers in pink will rock out "After the Rain" like a post-nineties Nelson. If you are looking for "Nothin' But a Good Time" head this way for a party that is full of "Girls, Girls, Girls" and feels like "Paradise City." Really, though, the crowd here is a Mötley Crüe of LES dance party lovers. Put on your cowboy boots, acid-washed, torn-to-pieces jeans, never-washed t-shirt, bolo tie, Axl Rose Kilt, David Lee Roth spandex and Sebastian Bach leather jacket then affix one or three bandanas to any number of places on your body and come "Fly to the Angels" listening to some "Night Songs."


We Bite: Pink Bites It
Happy Ending. 10pm to 4am.
302 Broome St, at Forsyth St, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-334-9676
FREE.
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The Whole Kitten Caboodle

Boys and girls the world over love a good catfight , and it has been long-known that UES children set their shoes outside of their apartment doors in hopes that someone will deliver them one. This week those supplications are answered with not one, but two Catfights. Catfight! is the new few-times-monthly party that everyone is fe-lining up to check out. Come down to the hitching post and scratch; this event hosted by Lady Bree and Miss Anja and featuring tonight's guest DJ Jocelyn (senior editor at the L Magazine!) is as good as catnip.


Catfight!
The Skinny. 11pm to 4am.
174 Orchard St, between Houston and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F,V to Lower East Side-Second Ave]
212-228-3668
FREE.
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Opening Night: No Grand Opening Sales

The Ad lib is turning into a more palatable and less commercial version of so many chain stores, the sonic equivalent of so many, well, Sonics.
Tonight the people behind the Ad Lib earn 1,000 gold rings of success with the launch of their new weekly party at the Annex. Not even named yet, this party promises to be one for those who hold Ad Lib parties close to their hearts and need the cardio to avoid a so-many-cheeseburgers-induced heart attack. Your resident DJs are Jacques Renault (Troublemen), Ilirjana (The Pop Manifesto), Max Pask (Manthraxx/Spencer Pask) and Biet (Vivian Girls).


(Unnamed)
The Annex. 11pm.
152 Orchard St, Between Rivington and Stanton Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]

Free.
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Weekend Update: The New York Motherfuckin' Dolls

Overachiever-Mark just posted the most insanely exhaustive weekend update this blog has ever seen. I woke up at noon, but my excuse is that I am only highlighting the best of the best.

This Sunday night "the fabulous foursome of Michael T., Justine D, Johnny T and Georgie Seville prove themselves to be bigger than the Beatles (and Jesus )"* by booking the New York Dolls for a one-time-only performance. Other theatrics of the night include DJ sets from Glasgow's Optimo DJs, Tim Sweeney and Dave P. Tonight's MCs are Mistress Formika and ex-Lunachick Theo of Theo and the Skyscrapers. Your hosts are Miranda Moondust, Peppermint Gummybear and Ron M. "For their main-floor sets, Michael T. has already been fitted with his wooden teeth and Justine D is ready to introduce her platform for defeating Condi in 2008."**

A very sincere, public birthday thank-you to Michael T. and Theo for hosting my birthday party at Rated-X . Real thank-yous are on the way.

*Zachary David Palmer, the L Magazine volume IV issue 03 **ibid


Motherfucker
Avalon. 10pm to 4am.
47 W 20th St, at Sixth Ave, Chelsea
[F,V to 23rd St]
212-808-7780
Before 1am: $25 w/ invite, $30 without After 1am: $15 w/ invite, $20 without advance tickets available at ticketweb.com.
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You Know the Night Time is the Right Time

Come be with the one you love at Night Time the monthly party from Motherfucker chanteuse-as-DJ Justine D and Dave P [Not my father Dave Palmer, or Dave Palmer from Jethro Tull, or the baseball player Dave Palmer , or this guy] of Making Time. Featuring 2 for 1 drinks from 11pm to 12am and $2 Sparks from 10pm to 12am, this bass heavy party will really seize you. Guest DJs Optimo and resident Tim Sweeney will tease and squeeze you, but will never leave you. The last time I was here the place was crowded well past four. Night and Day is right. Whoah, baby now!


Night Time
Don Hill's. 10pm to 4am.
511 Greenwich St, at Spring St, Soho
[1,9 to Canal St]
212-219-2850
$10, advance tickets available at Other Music.
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A Diploma's Worth of Dancing

RSVP to mail@trashnyc.com to skip the line, and work a look for Brendon James at the door. With three hours [10pm to 12am and 3 to 4am] of open bar and Merlin Bronques' camera, get photographed drunkenly making out to the music of a celibate Morrissey. DJ Jess and Alex Malfunction are celebrating their 216th party [that's 4 years] with special guest DJ Michael T. (yes, tonight he is doing double duty). Go-go legends Prima Donna and Marcee will dance on everything from tables to the bar, and maybe even your lap. Everyone is thrilled to tears about tonight, like a post-graduation, end-of-summer party before the clique goes away to college: this was Shaw Promotion's first party and Jess' first gig. Maybe they'll end the night with Stairway to Heaven and everyone dancing in a circle; if everything goes well tonight there will be high school girls!


Trash!
Rififi. 10pm to 4am.
332 E 11th St, between First and Second Aves, East Village
[L to First Ave]
212-677-1027
FREE.
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One-Thousand 976 Party Over, Oops Out of Time

Finally, a chance to show off that David Crosby mustache you've been working so hard on. Love Parade is like a pair of jeans from the '70s that your dad wears to blacktop your driveway, like those concert T-shirts that your mother wears on weekends while the two of them play their old records. Classic rock is what you'll hear at this true blue, shake-your-ass, rock 'n' roll dance party; songs that make you wish you'd been 21 in '69 and that you called the road your own. There you go, love, tonight let's celebrate like its the Bicentennial all over again.


Love Parade
Fontana's. 10pm to 4am.
105 Eldridge Street, Broome and Grand Streets, Lower East Side
[B,D to Grand St]

FREE; $2 Jack shots and $3 PBRs all night.
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Motherfuckers Get Disciplined

For the GBH $10 reduced admission guest list, email list@gbh.tv with your name and number of guests; arrive before 1am. This Valentine's week has been ludicrous, and the three day weekend promises more of the same. Get an early-weekend dose of discipline tonight from the GBH legend whose brand of music fuses party anthems with funky and soulful house. Motherfucker's very own Michael T. performs in the Flower room, presenting a bouquet of new wave and dance-rock. Miranda Moondust and Chris B. are hosting tonight; maybe they'll let you sit at their tables.


GBH at Lotus
Lotus. 10pm.
409 W 14th St, between Ninth and Tenth Aves, Meatpacking District
[A,C,E to 14th St; L to Eighth Ave]
212-243-4420
$20.
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'Push it Back, 'Push it Back ['Push it Real Good]

June D is no longer stranded in LA, despite the fact that since her return we have yet to get dinner. As for the other 'Pushers , TKOmri and DJ Baron are fresh off their sets at this past Monday's L Magazine-sponsored Z-Brand after party. Guest DJs 33hz will be upstairs spinning at 33 1/3 while, downstairs, headlining band the Shapes weave a geodesic dome of sound. Alister Doomington will bring doom just south of Rivington Street and Ivy League will play with Burberry scarves as guitar straps. Put on your soul-era inspired vintage and cue the horn section, tonight the James Brown hour returns. Get there early, and enjoy the Soul Shot ($6 beer and shot) all night. Look for me in the booth, getting June drinks and getting in the way.


SoulPusherNYC
The Delancey. 9pm to 4am.
168 Delancey St, between Clinton and Attorney Sts, Lower East Side
[F to Delancey St; J,M,Z to Essex St]
212-254-9920
FREE with rsvp@soulpushernyc.com.
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Zachary: An Introduction

Maybe it is the weather or the mayor, the political climate or the copious snow melting into precarious ice but, for whatever reason, in the dead of winter people turn into flakes — listen up, sweetheart: too cold is never an excuse. Oh, but let's not be season-specific: too hot is never a reason, either. Unless we are talking about undressing in public — which brings us to dancing. I am here for all of your bacchanal-news, so this will be the blog you visit daily when work gets banal. I am not much for sleeping, so let my blogs be your one-stop source for all things between 10pm and 8am.

A bunch of smug, hipster manqué bloggers will try to grab me by my nascent blogging-feet and shake me upside-down-baby-style... but they will have to find me first, if they every make it to an actual dancefloor. I am the boy on the speaker in the duct-taped-together cowboy boots. This all-hours medium works because the downtown dance scene is a twenty-four hour partymarket. I will not spoil anyone's "surprise guest DJ" fun, but as soon as whomever shows up I will be blogging it. These postings are all about you, darling — written in the argot of the organic, inspired scene that you and I run in. Send me tips, send me love — go dancing with me, walk-homes are free.

 
 
 
 

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